And bright colors! Oh, wait, no, I know… make it a Power Point, with a different “slide in” effect for each slide, each piece of text in a different text-effect and lots and lots of glitter.
I’m sure one of the teenaged females in your life will be willing to help, if school isn’t too pressing right now 
I wouldn’t have touched glitter myself at that age - except if it was to annoy someone.
Ooh, now you’re onto something! And **Skald **should call a Departmental Meeting for 3:30 on a Friday, then play the Power Point while reading it aloud in a monotone. And at the end of the meeting, have handouts with the text of the Power Point on it and nothing else.
Why do you want me to torture my own team?
WhyNot;
Once upon a time, the Worst Manager I Ever Had decided for some lameass reason that he apparently didn’t want us to attend the department picnic.
So he made a big presentation, copies for everyone, and pulled us all into a conference room about 1 hour before the picnic. This guy could put Ben Stein to sleep, he was so boring.
An hour later, picnic time. He keeps going.
Another half-hour. Middle of usual lunch time. You can hear people’s stomachs grumbling. He’s still droning on.
Two hour mark. Still going.
I left to go to the restroom. I went to the picnic from there. Only person in my area to make it.
An hour and a half later, the rest of my team gets back to our area. He’d kept everyone locked in a conference room for 3.5 hours over lunchtime, straight through a department picnic. What an ass!
Then he calls me into his office and read me the riot act about walking out and not coming back. At which point I gave it straight back to him about keeping his team out of a department function without having the courage to do it directly. And about how he kept his people from having any lunch time at all that day and was now pulling his usual “Sorry, lunch time is over, keep working” crap.
CC her email and whyNots response to the rest of her team, and your bosses, and their bosses, and the chief exec, and Reuters, … …and the Whitehouse.
And if you do the powerpoint thingy try a couple of this guys tips.
Just reply back “thank you for bringing this to my attention.” but “accidently” cc the COMPANY_ALL distribution list.
Hey, we’re all in this together! Or is Someone not a Team Player, hmmmm? 
Actually, I am a team player. I helped the manager in question get all her evaluations submitted earlier this month.
Yes, I am now annoyed with myself for doing that.
I can see her point, but it’s not necessarily valid.
First of all do YOU pay for the lunch. Or are you taking the money from the company and buying lunch.
If it’s company money you’re buying the lunches with than she has a point.
If it’s your money, then no.
Second, are the goals based on competition between teams or just the people themselves.
In other words do you say “Joe should have 100 points, he got 101 points.” That is competition amongst the person. OR is it “Joe’s goal is 100 points and he has 101 and your team Martha has 95 and her goal is 100.”
So that is your pitting people directly against each other.
The issue is when people fail too much, they quit. We had an incentive program and one of my reservationist Annie, was so much better than everyone else. She constantly won.
Now Annie was nearly 60 years old and spent her whole life in the hotel industry. All the rest were in their early 20s and had no experience. Of course she won. But then the effect was every one else quit trying. They, on the surface, were happy for Annie, she was a very friendly, popular employee, but on some level there was resentment.
So one month I took Annie aside and and I explained it to her. I said, you always win (the prize was $25.00) and this month you won’t. I gave her $25.00 out of my pocket and said, “this way you won’t be out any money,” and she was cool with it. I said “We’ll both know that you won, but this way others will think you can be beaten and they’ll try harder.”
And it worked out great. As soon as someone else won, they all started to improve.
In your case I would simply change the reward to something less public. Instead of lunch, give them all a gift card to Starbucks, so they get a reward but it’s not as public of a defeat for the other team.
There are two issues, number one, your team has a right to celebrate it’s work, but if that celebration is bringing the entire company down, whether it’s right or not, you need to revise your plan. 'Cause in the end if the other manager fails, the company fails and all the jobs are lost for the sake of a lunch.
And even though your right, do you want to risk this all for the sake of making a point?
Didn’t read the OP, I take it. I’lll quote myself:
But even if it were company money, so what? I have no access to such funds that she does not.
The competition hasn’t a damn thing to do with any other team.
Here’s the deal. Inside sales people manage sales territories mostly but not entirely over the phone. They have set sales territories and are assigned to build business by forging rapports with customers, solving problems for them, making it easier and more convenient for them to use us rather than our competition, and so forth.
Doing all this requires customer contact. A very strong measure of how well a person will do sales-wise is how much he’s contacting customers–how long he’s on the phone with them, how many people he’s on the phone with, and so forth–in a given period. So the company sets goals. I’m going to make up some numbers here; let’s say they’re expected to average 15 unique customer contacts a day (that is, if they call the same business twice in one day, the second call doesn’t count) and to spend a minumum of 2 hours on the phone each day. This is merely to get a good number of the yearly reviews.
To earn the monthly pizza party, paid for by me, my team has to do significantly better than that. Let’s say it’s 18 calls per day and 2.25 hours on the phone. For me to pay for the lunch, three-quarters of the team has to meet those goals individually, while simultaneously beating their sales goals by another amount I’ve set. What people on other teams do doesn’t matter. Moreover, this gives people an incentive to help their co-workers, and something to cheer about as a group.
Sorry, but this is bullshit. The other manager is vexed because she’s a twit. Her team ISN’T a team, because she manages them in such a way that penalizes people working together.
You win. Do this!
Huh? I thought, being Dopers, that we’re all on the same team.
Email your boss requesting that he pay for the lunches.
Justify it by pointing out how well your team has done compared to hers.
Thank her for bringing it to your attention.
That gets my vote!
First invite her to lunch.
Then immediately cancel her invitation, pointing out that the lunch is only for successful people.
"Thanks for your asinine suggestion. I found it very entertaining and shared it with my group of on-line friends, who agreed that you are a pitiable loser.
From up here in the successful realm I am unable to reach low enough to undercut your managerial practice. I also can not take credit for making you look bad–perhaps your mother drank heavily during pregnancy, or had an unfortunate encounter with a circus sideshow geek. I might suggest radical plastic surgery to remedy the latter problem, but fixing your managerial style unfortunately would require something more extreme.
Sincerely,
STR"
“… reward for exceeding productivity goals!?! No, silly, they’re in exchange for depraved acts of sexual humiliation. Let me explain in more detail over lunch…my treat.”
The meeting is Managers-only.
glee, I roffled.
You’re assuming that Mangetout lives on Earth.