Start taking your team out on Mondays for their reward lunch.
When she complains, you can respond withan ‘Oh, I thought it was the FRIDAY thing that upset you, not the lunch thing.’
Dear Other Manager,
I am very sorry my superior motivational practices have revealed your complete and utter inadequacy in your present position. I am willing to stop providing the motivational lunches for my staff in exchange for a suitable substitute. I suggest that one possible suitable substitute would be to have you appear at my team meeting to fellate a barnyard animal of my choosing for the amusement of my staff.
Warmest personal regards,
Skald the Rhymer
In the passive-aggressive category, I vote for bringing doggy bags with scraps back for her team.
I’m reminded a bit of Bear Bryant*. Offer to switch teams, so that her people would get an opportunity to exceed their goals and get some free lunch, but only for a while, because you don’t want your current team to turn into miserable failures.
Football coach, it was said that he could "Take his’n* and beat your’n, and then take your’n and beat his’n."
**No, I don’t know why this quote is always spelled this way
I think **Harriet **just won the thread.
Point of Order:
Paul “Bear” Bryant was no mere ordinary football coach. He’s a legend in Alabama, widely rumored to have had the ability to walk on water. The entire state went in to shock when He failed to rise from the grave on the third day, like He did the first time He died.
SEC Football is serious bidness.
Um…isn’t that being mean to her TEAM rather than her?
Not if you hand the bag to her, Skald.
For maximum effect, do it naked while screaming the phrase repeatedly, jumping around, brandishing a cudgel, with your face and body painted with eldritch designs, at night while she’s at home.
There might indeed be some collateral damage to her team. Sometimes maximum vituperation is hard to contain.
Kill everyone in the whole world, except your own team.
I’d go with something a little more on her level:
My team’s better than your team
Ner ner-ner ner nerrrr ner
Tell her the writeups are an excellent idea and that you will begin putting a write up commending your good performers in their HR files.
“I think you should be aware that some idiot is using your computer to send out incomprehensible and illiterate e-mails and putting your name to them. You may have a security problem.”
You know, I should actually do the latter half of that.
WhyNot’s suggestion would get my vote, too, if you were ever to lower yourself to respond to her. Just the right combo of corporate cheerleading and bitchiness!
I used to be a very good manager, too. 
Just respond, “Lunch? You think I’m buying them lunch? That’s just a cover for the hookers and blow. I’m relieved word hasn’t leaked out.”
Fool of a Took! That would involve killing YOU TOO!
I’d respond by saying the main reason behind your actions are:
and revel as she tries to figure out wtf is going on in that sentence.