Ok, hold the freakin phone! That really does change everything. Did you not read my first post to the thread? If you didn’t let me reiterate:
IF SHE GAVE YOU HER PHONE NUMBER WITHOUT YOU ASKING USE IT!
Seriously. You worry about being put in the friend zone, if you don’t call her you are going to be put in the “he isn’t interested in me so he might as well be a Ken Doll” zone.
A girl gives you her number without you asking you don’t wait around playing headgames with yourself. She gave you the go ahead to ask her out right there.
Soapbox you seem like a good person who just needs a little encouragement.
Stop overanalyzing and just do the damn thing. Not because you will lose the girl if you don’t, but because you’ll feel better.
The worse that can happen is she says no. “No” will hurt like a mofo…but consider this: if your instincts say she likes you, then you are probably working with better than 50:50 odds. Keep this in mind and maybe you won’t focus on failure so much.
Being passive and indecisive are massive turn-offs, at least to yours truly. Now is as good time as any to start working on letting these traits go. Don’t wait for an easy opening before making your move because it may never come.
You’re a great guy with a lot to offer someone. You’re not a loser or any other negative thing your brain keeps telling you. Try to remember that.
I like the lunch idea. Do it in a casual and low pressure kind of way, and it’ll be hard for her to refuse.
Chiming in with what everyone else is saying. Ask already. You barely know the girl, so it’s not like you even have much invested. The longer you wait, the more you’ll build it up in your mind and it’ll be a letdown.
If she says no now, it’s just no from a girl you hardly know.
I’m not sure if I’ve participated, but I’ve been reading threads like these from you for nearly 5 years now, I think.
After this long, I feel I should say this: the longer you spend not developing your ability to start conversations with strangers, the longer you’ll find yourself unhappily cursing your throat sore because your single dating prospect did not work out.
We’ve been conversing plenty, hasn’t been a problem. Talked quite a bit while waiting for the movie to start last night. I even managed to one-up The Other Guy’s attempt to monopolize her attention for the evening.
Details will be forthcoming, after I ask her out tomorrow.
My piece of advice, if you read this before you do the deed:
Don’t build this up too much, and I’d avoid using the word “date” or “go out with me”. Make a suggestion about something to do, and ask her if she wants to do it. She already suggested that you both should go out sometime, so I’d say something akin to, “I was thinking of going out to X this weekend. Do you want to join me?”
Otherwise, you run the risk of making this seem far more serious than she may be ready for, and your eagerness may actually work against you. Don’t worry so much about the friend zone - you’ll be able to tell if your being treated like “just a friend” by how she dresses and what her body language is like while the two of you are out.
But the actual act of getting her to go out with you actually doesn’t benefit from some grand, serious gesture. Play it up like you have someplace to go and would enjoy her company (i.e. like you haven’t been deliberating on an online message board about the whole scenario). The romantic/sexual chemistry comes after the initial offer to “hang out sometime.”
And let me note that since she mentioned bars, going to the bar doesn’t necessarily mean either of you have to get hammered. I doubt her intention is for you to get her drunk and nail her. If she does get drunk, she’ll probably respect you more if you don’t nail her. (And if not, she wasn’t worth keeping.) I doubt she’s all that bent on going to one anyway, but it wouldn’t necessarily mean she just wants sex.
The only problem with something more casual, Atomicktom, is that if I don’t ask her out to some sort of two-people-hanging-out-together-exclusively event, The Other Guy may also be there, and I will be forced to expend far too much energy competing for her attention.
She said that he met up with her and her friends on Friday (I was asleep because I had to leave for the beach early the next day…grrr), but she certainly didn’t seem distraught that she didn’t get to sit next to him at the movie, nor did he wait for her afterwards, nor did she try to find him in the crowd as we were leaving (is it alright to use “nor” twice in one sentence?).
Sorry, I should have been more clear. Converse with many other strangers, and suddenly, one dating prospect not working out no longer hurts your throat.
Getting as frustrated as you do over a women who isn’t even aware of your romantic intentions, don’t you think that’s a little silly? Ask her out, sure, that’s a great idea. But put a few more irons in the fire. It can’t hurt.
Bingo. It needs to be quite clear that you are asking her out on a date. Both for the reason you outline and also because you’ve got to do something that is clearly committing yourself to a significant degree. Doing so (a) shows self confidence and (b) is flattering to her.
I agree that you should ask her to do something where it’s just the two of you. I just recommend that you don’t get all dramatic about asking her out on a date. Sure, you may have been contemplating this for a while, but she may not have been, so it may come across as too agressive/desperate/eager then what she is comfortable with.
I was just suggesting that you make the invite casual, even as you make it an invitation for the two of you to do something together. It’s while the two of you are out together that the sexy banter can begin.
SM, I’m not sure what the issue is. You have the phone number, it seems that you have been out already(in a group setting), and you talk to her all the time…with all this energy that you are spending analyzing what “Other Guy” is doing, and how she is reacting to “Other Guy,” you could have been on like, I dunno, the actual DATE by now??
Stop worrying about everyone else. Go for yours, dude, if she’s not interested, she’ll let you know, most likely in more than one way that will be fairly easy to ascertain. But sounds to me like you’re not taking the bait she’s dropping.
Sorry for the late update, but it’s because I asked her out today, not having the opportunity to do so yesterday.
She was a little bit late to lunch, and as a result of staying and talking with her after everyone else had gone back to work, I ended up being about 15 minutes late getting back myself. But she sat herself down right across from me despite what’s his face having an empty seat next to him, so I don’t think there’s much to worry about with that anymore.
After we had gone our separate ways after lunch, I gave myself about an hour to settle down, and then texted her asking what she was doing for lunch tomorrow. After texting back and forth about possible locations in the area (and don’t worry, I made it VERY obvious that I was only extending the invitation to her), we made some tentative plans. Her department has her a bit busier than many of the rest of us are so far (hence her being so late to lunch today), so she may not have the luxury of an hour to an hour-and-a-half lunch. But should she be available, she’s going to let me know and we’ll be going somewhere. If not, oh well, there’s always next week.
Well, guess this thread needs one last update. I asked her out on Wednesday, straight up, and she said yes.
Until today. After happy hour that “yes” turned into “take a walk with me” turned into “I was thinking about it, and since we work together I’m thinking it might not be a good idea.”
She told me that she would definitely date a guy like me, but that it’s not the best idea since we work together. Granted, it could likely be a bullshit excuse. I’m sure if she met someone she was head over heels for it wouldn’t matter where they worked. So, she apologized, I apologized, I let her know that the offer was still on the table (did I really use those words? ugh) and we parted ways.
I don’t think I’m ready to give up on this girl but…well who the hell am I kidding?
At least I got to be happy for a day. Maybe in two years, when the next girl comes along that I actually think I have a chance with, she’ll say yes and actually mean it.
