Started the new job last week, with a bunch of new hires. Met a girl. She’s awesome. She seems to like me…as much as any girl I’ve met before I guess.
How soon would it be alright for me to ask her out? I’d be more than happy to wait an indeterminent amount of time to get to know this girl better, but there are a lot of other guys who came on in the same group as we did, and while she seems to be getting on the best with me, I’m afraid that if I wait even til the end of the week it could be too late.
I won’t be able to see her tomorrow, so should I call her tonight? Tomorrow? Ask her out in person on Wednesday? I so rarely get these opportunities…
Sorry, I stand by my advice. Get out more so you can meet more people.
I realize that sounds like I’m being rude, but I don’t mean to be. It’s simply that dating co-workers is rarely a good thing, on occassion a neutral thing and often a bad thing.
Being friendly with coworkers, however, is just fine. Instead of putting the first date in a looooooong time pressure on yourself, maybe you can do a buddy lunch or coffee after work? Casual, you don’t put yourself immediately out there for rejection, if she’s got a boyfriend or different orientation than you’re picking up, well it’s likely to come out chatting and then you’ll know you’re not misreading her.
It’s also a timing thing. She lives in the opposite direction from where we work, and I won’t be in the area this weekend. A buddy date would be fine if I could make one for next weekend, but if one of these other guys were to ask her out on a date between now and then I’d be kicking myself for a long time.
How did you get her phone number? They way you came into possesion of the number says a lot.
If she didn’t give you the number (you got it out of the phone book or an office directory), don’t call. Spend more time getting to know her.
If she gave you the number without you asking for it you have no reason not to call, and should probably have done so sooner.
If you asked for it and she gave it to you, I would still wait until you see her again. Don’t get creepy. You work with her, remember, so keep things appropriate. But ask her to coffee the next time you see her. She gave you her number so she is clearly at least interested in you as a friend.
If you’ve already decided to ask her out, then sooner is better than later - you’ve no idea what her social life is like (I assume), so even if none of the other guys ask her out, she may end up making plans with friends or something. Calling her now makes more sense - however, I’d strongly suggest you follow another poster’s advice, and do the “buddy date” thing.
I’ve gotta say, though, that I think this is not a good idea. Sure, she works in another department - but do new hires get moved around? How small is her department? If things go badly, will she talk to people about it who’ll talk to people in your department? Friendship is fine - but beyond that, office relationships can lead to office drama. And that is not good.
Are you new to your city? You could look for clubs, night classes, theater groups, weekend volunteer gigs - there are plenty of ways to meet people outside of work.
Your call, of course - and if you are going to ask this girl out, it makes sense to do so immediately.
Women aren’t ‘first come, first served’, kind sir. If she’s already being friendly to you and someone else asks her out, she may not go out with them. Or she might, but still be interested in you. She’s not a sale item waiting to be snapped up by the first person to get to her.
Unless she’s inflatable, in which case just wait until the next shipment arrives.
Yeah, the OP reads kind of odd. I mean, she does have her own likes and dislikes and taste in men, right? Unless she’s so hard up she’ll take the first offer that comes her way. And even if she did, I don’t think that locks her into anything long-term. She may also have her own reservations about dating a co-worker. I think a ‘Hey, wanna get lunch?’ would be a good lead-up to an actual, planned date.
It didn’t mean to read that way. One other guy in particular strikes me as the kind of guy who could get a girl like her (or any other girl for that matter) MUCH easier than a guy like me could, AND he’s moving practically down the street from her in a month.
Call me a pessimist (I consider it realistic) but I’m not naive about young adult behavior. Simply by being so near and with a prominent bar scene in the area, the odds of them hooking up eventually are much greater than 50%. Granted, some of that is probably outward projections of my insecurity.
And no, girls are not first come first serve. I have, however, tried to continue being friends with a girl I was crazy about who had made it very clear to me that there was never going to be anything more than friendship, and then proceeded to start hooking up with someone else. I will never do that again.
Ask her out sooner rather than later - we’ve all seen the sitcoms, and what happens once you get into the “friends” zone. If you’re good with the consequences of dating co-workers, who are we to disagree?
