How the hell am I supposed to answer this?

The BBQ Pit
1

The following is an e-mail I received about my Disney Shorts website. Um … can we say lighten up a bit, guy?

Hi there. What a wonderful site you have on the Disney animated shorts.

There is one thing that I feel should be removed from the site, actually several. By “several,” I mean several personal reviews of some of the shorts by yourself and a gentleman by the name of Tom Wilkins.

You see, Mr. Wilkins’ and your reviews are more like psychoanalytical studies of the cartoons; in them, you and he derisively and sarcastically comapre fantasy to reality.

An example of such is in Mr. Wilkins’ review for “Donald’s Nephews.” In one sequence, Dewey blows up a balloon, which floats over the head of Donald, who is playing the piano. Mr. Wilkins then says, “…how his lungs could be of helium, we don’t know.”

Another example is in your own review for “The Clock Cleaners,” in which you express disbelief over the fact that someone has put “such an intricate piece of machinery atop a building where no one would ever see it.”

Ever hear of Big Ben? It is a very tall clock tower in London, which can be seen at great distances. I am certain that the clock tower in “The Clock Cleaners” can be seen from such great distances as well.

I don’t know what his or your motivation or intentions are, but first off: you two are not being funny; secondly, these cartoons are just that: fantasy. Either you must watch it with a purpose for fantasy, fun, and enjoyment, or don’t watch it at all.

If you and he cannot accept that, then clearly you are the wrong people to be writing such reviews, let alone hosting this site.

What the fuck???

2

Please feel free to file this under, “People Who do not Know What a Continuity Director Is.”

Then again, you could just as well drop this into the “Dangerous Quantities of Spare Time” folder.

3

Dear Sir:

The content on this site not supplied by Disney is produced, free of charge, by myself and my associate. If you disagree with the content thereof, you are free to avail yourself of one of the following:

  1. A brand new browser window with which you are able to go to any other website of your choosing;

  2. A hook with which to remove the stick or other offending material from your behind;

  3. A life, with which you may go forth and realize that this is for my own personal enjoyment, and if you are displeased with content to the degree you’ve shown, you might wish to consider how best to use your spare time.

4
  1. A Web site of your own in which you may discuss at length the likelihood of someone’s lungs being full of helium or, in certain cases ahem, hot air.
5

Refer him to Reg Hartt.

6

So first off, he’s using suspension of disbelief to describe the balloon incident. After all, it’s a cartoon and reality need not apply.

Then he is using logic and reason of architecture to counter your view of the Clock Cleaners? After going off on you about how the cartoons are fantasy, defending them with science and reason seems to be a bit odd.

7

Ignore Esprix’s comments. He’s just jealous.

8

I’m glad we don’t have people like him running the country…oh, wait[sup]†[/sup].

Oh, and Eutychus (or anyone else), while this may be a stupid question and perhaps slightly Off The Topic, did the original Eutychus die upon falling out of the window?

[sub]†Not an anti-Bush remark.[/sub]

9

Re: your recent email critical of my website film criticism.

Dear Sir or Madam:

Please take a few moments, print out a copy of your previous email to me (attached), and share it with your local mental health professional.

Don’t worry if they suggest taking some pills regularly. It’ll be for your own good.

Regards,

10

Sirs:

We appreciate hearing from our fans.

Thank you for your opinion.

Your truly,

Tom Wilkins

11

Hey! Don’t diss Reg! :slight_smile:

12

Oh my God! Euty said fuck!

13

The “original” Eutychus fell asleep because Paul’s sermon kept rambling on to the wee hours. Unfortunately he was napping by a window at the time and auto-defenestrated to an untimely demise below. But Paul, in a gesture I wish my more long-winded lecturers would emulate, took pity on the lad who’d succumbed to such soporific sermonizing – and raised him from the dead.

14

Round file.

15

How about…

"Dear Sir-

Thank you for your input.

Unfortunately, since I think I am funny and it is MY website, said content will remain.

Might I suggest that you start your OWN website, in which you will be free to be funny in any way you deem appropriate. I should add that I probably won’t laugh, but then I won’t be clicking on the link which loads your website, so it shouldn’t be of concern to either of us.

Say, now that’s a thought…maybe * you *should “click” elsewhere?

Regards,

Evil Disney Lover BUT Big Ben Hater Euty"

16

Be sure to remind him the “Big Ben” refers to the bell, and not the tower.

17

Dear sir,

Thank you for your input on my site.

Please smack yourself in the testicles with a sledgehammer.

Repeatedly.

Yours,

Euty

18

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your contribution. Unfortunately your submission does not meet our needs at this time.

Sincerely,

The Encyclopedia of Disney Animated Shorts

(The fun one with this is it’s juuuusssst wrong enough of a response that he’ll write back wondering if his note was read by the right people. Then you send the exact same response again. And again. And again. :smiley: )

Fenris

19

Fenris > wacko with too much time.

20

Send the following:

but append the following to the email