On the other hand, even if they realize it, they may envy you because it’s not a choice available to them. My brother and I live in the same state at present, it’s a 14 hour drive from my parents (and brother and I are 4 hours apart). My parents’ siblings each live in different states, one grandmother gets another state, the other did until health reasons made it inadvisable. I’ve seen my cousins perhaps a half dozen times that I can remember. We’ve never been close geographically, so we’ve never been close emotionally.
It doesn’t matter where I choose to live, I can only live by a small part of my family. Now, especially if I get a nice, permanent job near my brother, my parents will probably move in that direction when Dad retires. (My mother is opposed to being daily childcare for her grandkids. But more frequent visits than are presently doable would be good).
Heh, Eureka, I was just about to post along similar lines. No-one in my immediate family lives near where they were born and/or grew up. My in-laws aren’t even clustered. Whichever side of the family we picked to live ‘near’, we’d be an ocean away from the other side, and even then we’d only be with one tiny subset of whichever side. Even if I hadn’t gone and married a foreigner, I’d have to choose between three states in Australia to be close to any one of my immediate kin, none of which would be where I grew up.
OTOH, being essentially not tied to the place I ended up by accident of birth left me free to find a place that was healthy for me to put down roots, lack of close-by family or friends notwithstanding.
I moved halfway across the country for college and settled there after school. I truly thought I’d be there forever. And then the notion of law school hit, so I moved halfway across the country again for school, thinking I’d settle there. But one Chicago winter convinced me I’m not happy with that kind of weather. And so rather unexpectedly, I ended up back in California.
I’m tied here by my law license (although I suppose it wouldn’t be hard to get barred somehwhere else), by my job, by the house that I own, and by my family, most of whom live within about an hour’s drive of me. If I were to move, I’d probably stay somewhere on the west coast, to be close to family. Plus I like the way the west coast feels. But for my job, if I were to keep doing what I’m doing, LA is the best market, San Francisco is second best, and then Seattle runs a very distant third. But if the job weren’t an issue, I don’t think I’d mind living further up the coast, as long as I could get to see family within a few hours’ drive.
Good luck with the move, tremorviolet, and enjoy the house.
We are almost completely untied.
The thing is, we already did the Leaving Everything You’ve Known for 20-odd Years thing. We uprooted ourselves and teen from Denver in fall of 2005, and moved to the Forgotten Coast of northwest Florida. We were ready for the move: Denver is getting congested, we were sick of winter and needed a change etc. We moved. It was not easy for the kid but he’s done very well.
Then nine months later the husband got laid off, and since then it’s been, well, interesting. We want to stay in northwest Florida, because the kid will enter college here in the fall, and we love northern Florida. However, there are no aged parents to consider. Just job potential.
I’m shackled here. My husband was an Air Force brat, so when he came to college he was ready to settle down. By the time he’d been here four years, it was the longest he’d lived anywhere, so after graduation we bought a house and started a family. Now, after 24 years, I would love to experience some other place, but he and the kids are tied to this town. After the kids are out on their own, maybe I’ll just move out. I’d love to try something different.
I’m fortunate that I’m licensed to sell securities in every state in the US. There are things I like about Dallas, usually the weather and the food. However, my partner and I have no real reason to stay here. It is still Texas and I don’t like the state of Texas as a whole.
Very tied to Bangkok. We’re home-owners. Middle-aged, too, like the OP, and the thought of picking up and moving just leaves me totally cold. BUT you NEED to like where you’re living. I love this place, and if I didn’t, I’d definitely be looking.
As much as I like it here, if I were young and just starting out again, I might head to Phnom Penh. Cambodia has settled down a lot in the past decade, and Phnom Penh reminds me a little of Bangkok as it was when I first arrived. But the older I get, the more I find myself relying on the developed infrastructure (roads, trains, regular electricity) and, especially, modern healthcare of Thailand. Still a hassle to get around Cambodia, and as for healthcare, forget it. You’d have to fly into Bangkok for anything decent. But I know Westerners living in Phnom Penh, and they love it there.
Work-wise, hubby and I could move anywhere without it affecting our careers. Family-wise, there is not a lot keeping us here either. Our city, well, we both like it, but I’m sure we’d like others too.
However, we are both extremely tied here because of our neighbourhood. We have the most amazing friends here, a local park with a strong dog group, an even stronger parent/kid group, and a developing neighbourhood organization that is accomplishing good things. We all help each other out, too, and with a small kid that kind of community is so important to us. I would hate to start over somewhere else.
Getting too many Californians moving into the area. Theres gonna be another stoplight put in pretty soon (second one in 22 miles!). Getting too crowded.
But I can’t see leaving my 8-car garage and the 150 trees I planted myself.
Eh. Sure I could. I’ll just build a 16-car garage and move where there are trees already growing!
On the one hand, I’ve lived where I live for my entire life, all the family that I have close ties to lives around here, and I’ve been doing well enough here.
On the other hand, my career ambitions require my obtaining a degree that isn’t offered in my area, some of my family is in a state of meltdown (one that I’d rather not get trapped in), and the fact that I do not own much nor have a paying job aids in mobility.
I’m fairly amazed at how many “homies” I have here on the SDMB. Chicago native - North & Narragansett for those who know the area - and lived in or around the NW 'burbs all my life.
I used to think I was pretty tied to this general location. After all, it’s all I’ve ever known. My Mom is gone, my daughter is in 11th grade, and my husband’s parents and aunts are all in their late 70s-early 80s, and in progressively poorer health every year. I have a sister and a brother still in the area, but the other brother moved to Tennessee. I love my house, which is still a work in progress even after seven years here.
But … perhaps it’s a midlife crisis. Or just spring fever. I’m suffering from Fresh Start Syndrome. I have started to think about moving away from the Chicago area just recently. I’m officially Sick Of Winter Forever Amen And YUCK, and I can’t help but think lately that roots are overrated. I’m pretty sure my politics would make living in the Deep South an uncomfortable proposition, and I’m terrified of spiders, so I’m quite dubious about the Southwest. If not for winter, I’d consider Milwaukee (I know the area and have friends there, plus it’s enough like Chicago not to be a cultural shock) or even Canada. North Carolina has some positives going for it, too.
I just don’t know. I’ll probably stay here, just because making up my mind to be somewhere else seems like more work than it would be worth.
Hey, if you can afford that number, you have your pick of towns in that area. I wouldn’t recommend Lexington, though, as it is more “obviously” suburban than Concord, Bedford, Acton, Carlisle, Sudbury etc…if you’re going for that whole windy-road New England look, relatively close to Cambridge-Boston, Lexington isn’t as much for you (although of all of the towns I listed, I’d pick Lexington to raise a family because the school system is famous + it’s less WASP-y) as people only move there to shove their children through LHS. As a town, I think parts of it are pretty, but most is pretty damn ugly, especially since they mansionised the whole place.
My parents sold their house and moved to Bedford. It’s increasingly expensive now, but nowhere as bad as Concord-Lexington because the school system isn’t as renowned. It is very very woodsy, though, if you like that look.
I think I know that ice cream joint!! You’re talking about either Bedford Farms or Kimball Farm Ice Creams on Bedford Road, right? It’s a little farm stand looking joint on that windy road with the huge trees and there a few animals around and they sell all the traditional New England flavours like Frozen Pudding etc…? My parents live about 15 minutes away from there now. It’s a lovely neighbourhood.
Yeah - Kimball it was! They had all kinds of weird shit - bumper boats and such. But their ice cream was world class. If there is one thing the Dinsdale clan knows it is ice cream, and the verdict was unanimous.
I wish I’d known - we woulda stopped by and said “Hi!”
To me this question of staying or going is the most vexing issue of modern life. The fact is, none of us is so rooted to where we are that circumstances can’t intervene to send us somewhere else, per Antigen’s post above. And because of this, we can’t stop ourselves from thinking that maybe we should be somewhere else – someplace perfect. However much we like where are, we’re tormented by the idea that maybe we’d be happier in the city, or in the country, or in the mountains, or by the shore, or in France or Canada or New South Wales.
But at the same time, we deplore the rootlessness of American life, the increasing feeling that no one is actually from anywhere. As someone who moved a lot as a kid, I’m very reluctant to impose that rootlessness on my own kids. I’d like them to be able to say where they’re from without having to waffle. And it happens that I like New England. In some ways, it offers a really remarkable blend of the things that make a place desirable. But what I find is that many of the grievances in life tend to get viewed through the lens of place. If you’re unhappy with your job, or the schools, or your taxes, or the weather, you first impulse is to move. And once you’ve decided to move, it seems as if it’s no more difficult to move 5,000 miles away than it is to move 50.
This is why I think local or regional culture doesn’t stand a chance in America, long-term. The transmission of it is way too tenuous. There’s a part of me that deplores that and feels like fighting it, but an equal part that feels quite helpless and defeatist about the whole thing.
I’m more tied than I’d like to be. I probably would have left after my second year, third at the latest, if I hadn’t met the woman who recently became my wife. We’ve been thinking about where we want to live and I’ve realized that if I want to move inside Japan it will be very difficult to find a job that’s comparable to this one, much less a better one.
Right now, we’re planning on moving to the US in a year or two, depending on how things go with saving money and dealing with immigration issues. Moving back to the US will be difficult as well, for different reasons. I’ve still got to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Having a real career has been put on hold while my “temporary” job has eaten up a lot more years than I ever thought it would. I’d like to go back to school and get a different, more marketable, degree, but that’s going to be . . . interesting if we have a kid by then.
Oh man, I know this is going to make you feel terrible…but the land 50 yards ahead of Kimball Farms used to have an old abandoned New England style Protestant Church on it that was on sale FOREVER…I begged and begged my parents to sell their house in Lex, buy it and build their own house on it but they were all “nahhh, it’s too woodsy and remote in Carlisle. You’re only 20, you don’t understand good investment opportunities.” Do you want to know how much they were asking for it? Just a little over 200K (this was in 1999). AND you got everything in the Church, pews and all. AND it was a TWO minute walk from Kimball farms, and right next to the awesome old New England cemetery right in front of Kimball’s (did you walk across the street to the cemetery? It’s really pretty cool if you want to see extremely old headstones…think 1700s and earlier, like the one in Boston).
Of course, someone bought it, built a McMansion on it and last I heard they were asking for in the high 700s/low 800s. Whether they sold it or not is unknown, but…it was such a prime, awesome location.
But I can understand why my parents were leery as my father travels every week for business and leaves my mom alone…plus, you’d definitely have to get an expensive snow removal service, the road is known for being pretty dangerous in winter etc. etc…
I’m pretty biased but I think you’d really like that area and Southwest tickets for your kids are not that expensive. I regularly flew between Chicago and RI/NH for pretty cheap. Plus, since you’ve got 3, that’s 1 free ticket every Winter Break that they come visit you if you Southwest them out. And if your wife wants to continue to teach, there are plenty of CCs in the area.
Come on down to Houston. It’s a great place to live. While folks up north have been digging out of head high snowbanks, we’ve been wearing t-shirts and enjoying 70 degree weather.
I’ve lived on the far north side of Chicago and the North Shore my whole life. My ex lives in the city and I live up in Northfield so my middle school aged kids can go to a great school (Marie Murphy and then on to New Trier)
I’m pretty firmly tied to my current place till at least 2017 when Andrew graduates high school. After that, I love it here and have no desire to live elsewhere permanently. Travel yes but Chicago is home.
