How to Approach Concessions Required of Us as We Age

In My Humble Opinion
81

I’ve been told exactly this before, and it’s scary to hear because I know it’s true. I live alone in what was supposed to be a downgrade from the previous house, but it’s still huge and the basement is absolutely packed with stuff, not to mention all the stuff throughout the two floors of the main house.

And, in parallel with that, while out shopping today I was increasingly aware of my diminished mobility. Moving is going to be a nightmare. In fact, just preparing the house for sale is going to be a nightmare. And a further nightmare is finding a decent rental to move to, because they’re in short supply.

What am I doing about all this? I wish I had something useful to say in response to the OP’s question, but my special superpower is procrastination, and in this situation I’m applying its full force.

When I moved out of the previous house, I got a large dumpster delivered and by the time they came to haul it away, it was absolutely full, including with many heavy objects that I absolutely could not carry today. It’s all very depressing.

The only practical things I’ve done that are absolutely essential is arrange for lawn mowing during the summer and snowplowing in winter, plus my famous Ukrainian handmen when I need something fixed. I mean, I can still do some things myself, but if a ladder is involved, fuggetaboutit!

82

I’m a student of same, but my irresponsible parents moved me to do better. My solution: Like I said, eat the elephant one bite at a time.

I can’t tackle a whole room closet – too daunting. But I can tackle one box taking up space in that closet. Then another. And another. Sometimes I’m moved by a bit of progress to keep going, and sometimes I need a few days in between to do other things (including loaf).

So that’s what is working for me. When I get bored with boxes, I tackle individual drawers. One at a time.

Just keep whittling. And at least you have Ukrainian handymen to help with fixes! I’ll bet they’d provide muscle as required, too, if you asked nicely and paid well. :slight_smile: Or maybe you can find cheaper muscle for hire at a local college, kids looking for some weekend pocket money.

My vehicle limits how much I can haul, and that’s good! It means I can do it in manageable bites. Every week or so since I’ve begun this project, I load up the back end of my small SUV with recyclables such as magazines, old no-longer-needed papers and such for the tip. In other weeks, I load up some no-longer-used electronics or clothing or bits such as games and bedding for donations. Just a bit at a time. I don’t have to do this all at once. I just have to keep at it.

Good luck. I know how hard this is.

83

Thanks for the good advice. The “one bite a time” is the same advice I got from the ex-wife, who will eventually be facing a similar problem but she is (a) far, far better organized than me, (b) constantly getting rid of non-essentials, and (c) financially well off and able to hire a lot of help and stay where she is almost indefinitely.

On point “b”, she called me the other day asking if there was any need to still keep some software CDs I had given her years ago. There was not, but I said JFC woman, these are freaking CDs! How much space could they be taking up? Nope. If not useful, out they go. I’m exactly the opposite.

They might, but they’d charge the same hourly rate they do for their professional work, which is usually a good value for what they do, but it ain’t cheap!

84

Yeah that’s pretty consistent with my wife’s elderly family. They all tend to hoard or constantly buy and sell stuff at yard sales and thrift stores. It’s a behavior trait that seems pretty pervasive through their town.

The other day we went to an estate sale down the street. I don’t know if the couple died or were in some sort of managed care. But apparently the husband was a former fighter pilot, former mayor of the town, and also owned a book store. It was kind of depressing to see how their lives ultimately became an old house in the woods full of decades worth of all sorts of random crap.

85

So, what did you buy?

86

Bang! Headshot!
or is that
Bah dum tish - rimshot!

87

We thought about buying a propane grill but turns out we could get a new one about the same price.

Mostly it was all stacks of books and old junk

88

It’s the theme of more than one short story (and a Pixar franchise) I am sure: the story behind the object in the pile now seen as nothing more than old junk.

I completely endorse keeping less than more stuff around, and I am not so sentimental. But there is other part of me that regrets that it just makes sense to toss stuff in the landfill. Sometimes older furniture that is actually solidly made and beautiful… but reupholstering it costs more than buying new disposable crap that is the right color. And it’s not the trendy decade (was mid century modern, aka fifties stuff I grew up with, now apparently Art Deco is it) …

89

Speaking just to this teeny snip and about people in general, not anyone’s particular relatives …

I wonder how much of the attraction for doing that is the prices for garage sale crap “feel” like the retail prices of yore when those older folks were young?

Most of us are old enough now to occasionally shake our heads at the price of new goods. By the time someone is well past retirement age that effect gets huge. When a dinner at Cracker Barrel costs the same number of dollars as a month’s rent did when you were in your 20s, all sense of proportion is lost. Being able to buy crap for a 25 cents or a dollar has got to feel soothing to folks in those straits.

Even better if they can buy and sell and have some stuff for awhile at essentially zero cost. As I said upthread, it’s a matter of living way down the depreciation curve.

90

My experience (born 1948) isn’t so much related to the Depression as the combination of what was normal household economy until the later 1950s and the experience of wartime rationing. So we kept string and wrapping paper and odd nuts, bolts and screws “in case it comes in useful”, the wrapping paper from butter to grease cake tins, redundant old clothes for dusters - unless we could “make do and mend” them (I have been known to turn a frayed collar on a shirt). It took a lot of effort to unlearn a lot (but not all) of that.

I’m due another cull of my books. And what I’ll do about all my 78 discs I don’t know - I had ideas of digitising them, but life’s too short.

91

That seems a bit much. There ain’t much butter left on the paper.

My mother saved gift wrap for future use. When my father died, we were cleaning out the garage. In one of the drawers, we found a 9 inch piece of an old leather belt, with a circle cut out of one end. He needed a gasket for something, and saved the rest in case he needed another gasket. My brother was chasing his son around yelling “THE BLOOD OF A MAN WHO WOULD SAVE THIS MUCH OF A BELT IS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR VEINS!”

92

No, but if you’ve spent years rationed to a couple of ounces per week…

And there was usually enough left on the paper for at least one bake.

93

I grew up doing that. But as we mostly use butter for cooking, not for spreading on things, we mostly cut slices from the still-cold stick. And actually, there usually isn’t enough butter on the pallet to butter one pan. So I’ve stopped even trying, i just toss the paper. That took a mental adjustment.

I’ve also mostly stopped saving wrapping paper.

I still keep old clothes around as rags. Not all old clothes, but ones that would make good rags. And i use those. And i keep odd nuts and bolts. And scraps of things like leather and rubber. And these come in handy. When we had the bathroom redone, the contractor had trouble with the waterpic hand-held shower head i selected, because the water pressure was high enough that when you turned on the water, it bounced out of the holder. A scrap of rubber I’d had since college and a little epoxy fixed that problem nicely. And i can usually find a suitable screw in the basement, without needing a special trip to the hardware store.

94

Americans tend to think of the years immediately after WWII as an economic miracle and almost instant massive prosperity for all. Truth is it took a year or more to get going, but once it did it was consumer goodness and wealth for the masses unprecedented in human history.

Meanwhile in Europe and the UK the latter half of the 1940s and well into the 1950s were all poverty and privation and unemployment. They were rationing butter not because there was a war on, but because there simply wasn’t nearly enough butter to go around, and being the raging commies they were, they didn’t want the rich to simply bid up the price and get all of it.

To the degree the UK had a post-war boom, it started a lot later than most Americans probably realize.

95

I just came back from visiting some cousins who live in southern Rural West Virginia. I am capitalizing Rural because I have not encountered such levels of forest in many years. :eyes:

The forest cousins do have internet and phone connections but upon arriving in the woodland our GPS had some hiccups.

My family are all deceased and I still have some of their stuff to dispose of although floods have eliminated a great deal over the years.

I am trying to clear out and get into a small apartment but there isn’t much available. I can’t keep up with everything a house demands. Hopefully this year or next. It has be local because I still work and don’t want to drive too far.

For long term planning I am considering going to Switzerland for a VAD.

I have already contacted them and begun the process. The trick is finding the blurry line when the struggle with pain/functionality is brutal enough to leave but not harsh enough to prevent international travel.

96

I assume you mean a ventricular assist device and in that case, aren’t they available in the United States?

97

Apologies for not providing acronym definition. I blame it on lingering vacation brain.

VAD refers to voluntary assisted death.

It is much more difficult to access in the USA.

98

Maybe. Also I think it’s a bit of a hobby for my MIL and her sister. It’s just how they like spending their time.

I also think it’s just part of the culture of the area. The private prep school in town does an annual yard sale and they basically just give away bags of whatever people donate for whatever amount of money people want to give.

99

It is very hard to convey just how limiting heavy forestry can be for things that require decent line-of-sight for satellites. I looked into StarLink extensively when it first came out and the conclusion by professionals I hired to assess the situation was that I would have to basically log my entire place to ensure a decent connection. And to be clear, I wouldn’t consider StarLink now due to my political views.

As it is, I have Viasat, and their service has improved dramatically through the 20 years I’ve had it. Even so, my satellite access is contingent upon a tiny sliver of space that the dish can “see” through to the south from the top of my well pump house, which is fortuitously placed.

I have not yet shared that, in addition to the heavy forestry, I also have a steep rising hill to the south (also covered in mature fir trees) directly behind my house, like starting 30 feet from the foundation. It blocks a lot of signals, both cell tower and satellite. This is a great place to live if you are a bit provincial and love the shade!

I now do have the option bite the bullet and trench a thousand feet up the driveway to install a line for gigabit fiber internet. If I don’t mind paying $6,000+ish for the job. I can lower that cost substantially by hiring people to do the trenching work myself, but I don’t expect to be here long enough to make even that a reasonable choice – though it might be for a subsequent resident. Having the fastest internet or reliable cell service are not big priorities to me.

I completely get this. I think you are being pragmatic in a way few can contemplate. We have reasonably sane right-to-die laws here in Oregon, but they are strict in that you must have two physicians certify you are within 6 months of death due to your medical issues in order to qualify.

A friend of mine recently availed himself of the option due to terminal cancer, though he told none of us except one close friend, who shared about it after the fact. The last time I saw him was at a Winter Solstice celebration gathering. He never said a word to any of us, which I understand. He wanted to have one last fun time with us all without the pall of his impending choice hanging over the event.

Your situation is different and one with which I empathize. I dearly hope you first explore all available options short of Switzerland, but I have the feeling you’ve already done that to your own satisfaction. My very best to you as you navigate this difficult path. Please reach out here if you think it can be helpful in any way. Virtual hugs are a poor substitute for the real thing, but you have as many of mine as you need.

100

It sounds like you live in a heavily forested and “mountainous” location! Which is, as you have stated, a joy if you love the rustic setting.

I had no idea how limiting such places can be with regards to cell phone and internet service. Nor how expensive it can be to clear the land.

I did enjoy my journey into Grimm’s Fairy Tale land but could not see me living there without an entire crew of people to assist.

I hope that your “tiny sliver of space” remains operational for as long as you need.

Perhaps those who live in forests could have little pine tree icons on their cell phones indicating available level of service instead of the usual bars.

Thank you for understanding my long term VAD plans. And for the hugs as well! :slightly_smiling_face:

I have thought this through as an option but will definitely continue to enjoy my life as long as possible. Concurrent planning with multiple options works well for me at this point.

It must have been difficult to lose your friend in such a way but it seems as though you understood his reasons. And you do have the memory of that one last gathering. Although I would think that memory could be bittersweet.

I have told two close cousins of my intentions and will likely inform them in advance if that time comes.

I really don’t want them to see me go to Switzerland on a trip and come home as a box of ashes … that would be unkind.