I really admire how you’ve adapted to your new living situation. I’m getting to a point where I have to give serious consideration to what my next moves will be in the next few years, and among other things, I struggle with giving up the kitchen I designed when we moved here. It’s very large, the work areas are well defined and I love my gas stove. I know any senior living situation will not even come close.
The house itself is a good one to age out in. It’s all one level and doorways are wide enough to accommodate a wheel chair should that be my eventual fate (I have no reason at this time to think it will be!)
At some point, I’ll be forced to move along. The trick is to figure out when. I’d like to stay in place for as long as possible but be ready to jump if some medical event hastens my plans. For now, I’m focused on getting rid of excess Stuff and trying to learn what I need to know about tax implications of selling, etc.
You, @Chefguy, have handled your situation with aplomb and due consideration. Nothing’s perfect, but you and your wife planned and adapted well.
I know @ThelmaLou was pushed into a decision, but she made sure it turned out very well for her, too.
I’ve learned from you both as well as others who occasionally post about these difficult choices. I’d like to learn more! Which is why I’m posting this in IMHO, in the hope of hearing what sage advice other Dopers may have about how best to scale down as we advance into our dotage. All opinions welcome!
I’ve written several times about my vicarious experiences as condo prez who watched a lot of spry 75yos turn into 85yos who were not spry, some were mentally fading or faded, spouses died, became wheelchair bound, etc. As sad slow-moving parade toward their individual Last Day.
Also my experience with my late MIL. And even my late wife who did not get old, but did a darn credible imitation of aging at super speed from middle age into elder-like infirmity then oblivion.
In a nutshell; if you wait until all that the house and all that stuff is a burden, you waited a year or 3 past the point you had the remaining oomph to make the move to simpler safer environments. Now you’re stuck. And worse yet, for some decent (25%?) fraction of the happily aging healthily crowd, a sudden accident, stroke, or severe infection knocks the wind and/or mobility out of them, and now they’re really stuck with a monster project they can’t handle.
Having a spouse can make the project easier. But doubles the opportunity for an adverse health surprise visiting your family. And IME more than doubles the desire to procrastinate and rationalize and delay.
Many of us make big investments in our homes in our 50s or early 60s to finally make it perfect for us. The well-equipped workshop, the snazzy new kitchen, convert a former kid’s bedroom or two into a media room, etc. 15 years later that stuff still feels new in an otherwise old house, and you still enjoy it. Just about the time it starts to trap you.
After 3 near disasters on my uncarpeted stairs, I moved downstairs.
I’m pretty sure my mobility is ok. It’s my dizzy head and BG issues.
It was different, not exactly difficult. I have slept on a second floor my whole life.
The bathroom attached to the room* needed an upgrade. My furniture was moved. I have my bed.
Bayliss has his closet bedroom.
What the hardest thing was getting the pets acclimated. The Siamese were right bitchy about it.
They"ve all always slept in my room. Even my daughters 2 Chihuahuas…nothing in my bed (personel preference on the cats part. I’m kinda germy, they sez). But always near me.
I’ve learned to enjoy not rolling down stairs, but I miss the treehouse effect from my old bedroom windows.
I admit I like the click of puppies toenails on the wood floors when they come to wake me up.
*the room is the old old part of the cabin we built the house around. It’s full of ghosts, creaks, noises and cold spots.
Exactly so. My wife and I (age 62 and 60, respectively) have been watching this happening, in real time, with my parents, and her mother. We had a long talk about this, in relation to us, a few months ago.
We have a Chicago-style bungalow, which means that it’s a half-flight of stairs to get into the house from street level, a full flight to get upstairs (where our bedroom is), and a flight to get down into the basement, where the clothes washer and dryer are. I’m still very mobile, but my wife is already dealing with some significant issues with her hips and knees, and stairs have become more challenging for her.
So, we’re looking at doing some needed home improvement projects in the next year or two, with an eye towards putting the house on the market, and moving to a single-level place, sooner rather than later.
In my many years flying I sat through a LOT of discussions with other older pilots dealing with their parents’ infirmity and increasing obstinateness. It seems that stubbornness is a useful prerequisite for long life; it prevents minor setbacks from spiraling someone into a depressive state. Folks stay healthy enough by sheer force of will. But …
Along the way, stubborn turns into denial that aging is even occurring to them. They are immortal; blissfully safe as a fully functional 60yo despite their 80+yo body and mind. Then they’re really screwed.
I know the OP is not waay out in ruralia, but they’re also not right in town.
From the stories I’ve heard, living on a farm, even one with no crops beyond grass and no livestock beyond pets, having outbuildings and chores and such, makes the moving process monumentally harder, which means it needs to start a LOT earlier in anyone’s personal decline curve. Like 5 -10 years earlier.
Making home improvement just to make a house sell better is questionable–only some types pay off. A buyer may not like the way you did a remodeling and tear it all out and install his own ideas.
Fortunately, this is exactly my situation. I am 5-10 years earlier, and I’ve already been working on this for awhile. Vehicles have been jettisoned, a superfluous horse trailer was bartered in exchange for help around the place, as have been guns I don’t use/want and other items I will never use.
The handyman who helps me around this place as needed is selling off my late husband’s tools for a percentage and my workshop is rapidly emptying. I have promised the china set to a dear friend who wants it before my body is cold – and may she enjoy it for many years!
Electronics I don’t use have been donated, as are clothes I don’t wear and magazine collections I no longer refer to or want. I burned my attempts at oil painting – I wouldn’t fob those off onto even people who love me!
Provisions for gifts are in the will, so that takes care of jewelry and some other expensive items. I still need to find someone who wants the saddle, though.
I’m in good health and with luck, I think I can stay here without issues for another 7 years.
I already took care of the new roof and I keep up with any necessary property repairs.
Here’s a question for the tax folks, and I do understand you’re not giving me lawful financial advice: I’m a widow. As such, my understanding is I’m entitled to exempt only $250,000 of profit from capital gains from selling my place after accounting for improvements – whereas if my husband was still living, we could have exempted $500,000. Is it still the case that if those funds are reinvested in another property, capital gains are postponed until the time of sale of the new property? Or am I just stuck paying capital gains on anything over the $250,000 limit, no matter what I do with the proceeds from the sale?
OTOH … that only works looking backwards. Yeah the right time to move to a “simpler safer” space is three years before you need to. And the old story goes that one only needs to pray the day before you die (punchline obviously being that since never knows when that day will be you have to pray every day).
I don’t know that I will ever have any significant period of infirmity or disability. My goal is to stay fully functional until I am suddenly not and die. At some point we might have to put some better handrails on our stairs.
We actually had moved from a house to a condo, all one level, fantasy being planning ahead for aging in place. We were not fans.
If we someday need to move I don’t foresee much oomph is needed. Hire a realtor. Hire someone to sell excess shit. Hire movers. My wife knows the market for graduated assisted living in our city. We will move then if we have to. But I am on the side of not a minute before we have to.
This is me, in a nutshell. Honestly, I don’t care if I suddenly kick off and no one notices until they haven’t heard from me in a couple of weeks. I just don’t want to leave a big snarl for anyone else to sort out. I have an arrangement with a close friend where I email her daily so my dog will be looked after quickly, but beyond that, it doesn’t matter.
As a general matter, you pay capital gains tax on the “profit” on the sale. Which is what you sold it for, less costs, and less your “basis” in the property. Basis starts out as the price you paid for it, including all the transaction costs. And increases for any improvements (not repairs) made over the life of the property.
So if you bought it for 100K all in, later added a 50K addition or new kitchen, and sold it for 350K, your basis was 100K + 50K = 150K and the taxable gain is 350-150 = 200.
But wait, there’s more. Assuming you and your late husband owned the property jointly …
At the time of your late husband’s death, the basis of his half of the property would “step up” to the current fair market value on that date. The basis of your half would be unaffected.
So for example, you both bought it for 100K, added 50K of additions / remodels, such that your joint basis was $150K. And the house had appreciated to 800K. So if you’d sold it then you’d be looking at a 800-150 = 650K capital gain. Ouch!
But instead of selling it, hubby dies. Even oucher! But there is this small consolation prize: His half of the property had a 75K basis and a 400K value. Upon his death, his basis automatically steps up to 400K, wiping out 100% of any gain to date. So now you own the whole property with a new basis of his 400 plus your 75 = 475. And it’s still worth 800, so now if you sold it the next week for 800K your capital gain is 800 - 475 = 325.
This is why it is desirable to have all your real estate reappraised promptly when someone dies. It can be done retroactively; it’s just harder for the appraisers.
I am not up on the latest about taxable exemptions or roll-overs on capital gains on primary residences. So I’ll skip that part
Thank you very much for this! It’s still much as I remember it, then.
Because I worked in estate planning for awhile after I left the courts, I did have a quick 'n dirty back-of-the-envelope stepped up valuation done on the property around the time of my husband’s death by a realtor friend, and she did put it in writing. I still have that. I figured it would be a reasonable starting place even if a formal appraisal would eventually be required. It will help a bit – but as you point out, not that damn much!
If the roll-over rules are still in place, then when I’m ready to vacate, I’ll know my course forward is to reinvest any funds subject to capital gains in the purchase of a more modest dwelling, rather than to just stick the total spoils in safe investments to finance my end-of-life care.
One way to help this transition ( we are in the midst ) is get an Apple Watch.
I’m 77 and relative good health and I bought a used Apple Watch series 6 for $60 to see what the fuss was about.
I mainly got it for the combination or fall detection ( I’d had a nasty one with a pot full of pasta and have the chest scars to remind me )
and crash detection on the motorcycle ( still riding after 60 years on a motorcycle ).
Since getting it for those purposes specifically the watch has opened up a lot of extra opportunities.
Incredible tech on your wrist right out of Dick Tracy.
I knew I had tachycardia under exercise stress but the watch alerted me to a completely unknown tachy episode when there should not have been one.
I had no sensation of it happening and followup testing showed the condition but no real risk at the moment. Partner who was a cardiac nurse says looked like an unfit, somewhat overweight gentleman of 77 so she was not worried. We think it will prove to be electrical and I will likely need a pace maker or some such at some point.
The watch tracks my sleep including what type …and I was worried I was not getting enough sleep but the watch said 7.5 hours per night for the last week…surprised me.
If I fall or crash - the watch alerts partner and emergency services if I don’t respond within a certain time period.
Reminders for meds, reminders for appointments, interfaces with Alexa, SIRI is always available, reminders to get up and move around, loads of health related features and for my riding weather, rain, wind immediately visible without having to touch anything.
The list of things it can do is crazy including cool watch faces from Snoopy to highly technical.
A number of friends swear by the security it gives them instead of always having to lug the phone around plus it’s fun.
This is mine.
It’s a great idea! Unfortunately, one of the compromises of living in the sticks can be a lack of cell service. Believe it or not, there are still places where cell towers don’t exist. Mine is such a place.
A tradesman who was here recently shocked me by getting a usable signal on his cell phone. That’s a first in more than 20 years! I immediately asked who was his carrier and now need to spend some time to learn if I can finally get a cell phone that will work here. It would be a great help.
Well there are a number of satellite services available including Starlink.
Some of those services are specifically geared to emergencies with various levels of response available up to and including emergency evacuation.
The latest Apple cell phones are offering link to satellite as well.
Apple iPhones can connect to satellites, specifically for Emergency SOS via satellite and for sending messages when outside cellular and Wi-Fi coverage. This feature is available on iPhone 14 and later models.
This may be the least expensive route and an Apple Watch/Apple iPhone can still provide many of the features without needing cell access. Phone and watch are a linked system via Bluetooth so do not require a cell signal.
Many of the iPhone features like GPS tracking / map/directions do not need a cell network
No Starlink for me. I live in the middle of a heavily treed forest. No clear line of sight to the sky for Starlink to work. I investigated this option thoroughly.
I have satellite internet and it works well enough. But no one would consider it high speed compared to gigabit fiber or Starlink.
Your satellite internet should be all you need for the iphone/watch. There are lots of used Apple iPhones and Apple Watches about. I picked up a Series 6 for my dottor for $100 - it has all the fall and health features. Apple Watch Series 6 Review (2025) | Garage Gym Reviews
My sister and I are dealing with this type of thing with our mom now. It’s the worst thing ever. My dad died suddenly at at the age of 54 in 1993. All things house related came to a screeching halt after that. My dad and grandpa built the house in 1962. It’s a well-built house but it needs so much work. My mom never wanted to put any money into it. She always said, “it’s good enough for me”. Well then mobility issues happened. She’s 84 and has terrible arthritis in her knees. There are 5 steps to get into both the front of the house and the back of the house. Laundry and a shower are in the basement. The main level bathroom only has a bathtub that she couldn’t lift her legs over. For the past few years she was able to get down the stairs to shower, but we made sure one of us was there. We forbid her to do laundry. We did it.
This past February she contracted a UTI that put her in the hospital and then rehab. She was almost done with rehab but then had a bowel obstruction and the whole hospital/rehab thing started over. It’s been three months since the health problems started and we now have her settled in an assisted living facility. Her mind is sharp but she can’t transfer herself from wheelchair to toilet or to the bed. The facility is very nice (as nice as one can be) but it costs $9000/month for her to live there. That means we had to sell her house. Even in the condition it was in, we had 9 offers over asking. So now my sister and I are in the process of clearing out a house with 62 years of stuff in it. We’ll have a sale but I feel like we don’t have enough time to get everything organized. It’s a HUGE undertaking. The stuff she saved! Anyone interested in my grandpa’s check stubs from the 50s & 60s? UGH
It’s a good lesson for us, get things cleaned out so your kids aren’t stuck with a monumental task after you’re gone.
It’s sad. my mom hasn’t been in her house since February, the day she left for the hospital. She says things that break our hearts. “You mean I won’t ever see my house again?” She’s not mad or mean about it, just sad.
When I moved and downsized a couple of years ago after my wife had died I chose to sell substantially all her/my/our long term possessions: furniture, artwork, bric-a-brac, memorabilia, kitchenware, excess clothing, etc. Not 60 years of packratting, but 30 years of living neatly and nicely fairly high on the hog.
It took a pro auction company 2 months to set up and hold the multiple sales to whittle down the pile to 10% of its original size. I netted $2K on $4K of gross sales. There were many individual 20-year old items in the sale that had cost much more than $4K each when new. Used quality stuff, even in nearly unused condition, sells for 2 or 3 cents on the dollar.
Meanwhile I’d paid our far more than the sale proceeds in mortgage interest and condo fees sitting on a residence I didn’t live in. I’d have been at least $10K ahead to instead have gotten a gigantic dumpster, hired 5 goons to tip 100% of my stuff into the dumpster in one afternoon, and put the house on the market 2 months sooner.
Unless your Mom collected Van Goghs you won’t make enough money selling all her stuff, much less only some of it, to pay you more than pennies an hour for your labors.
Don’t make perfection the enemy of easy / efficient.
