I have found that I am very interested in becoming a vampire…and I would wish to know how I would go about becoming one…
I would really appreciate your advice and am thankful for it!
Luv Ya much!!Well, considering that vampires do not actually exist, you have your work cut out for you.
Well, I was asking those of us who do believe in vampires…
You submit your posts, you take your chances.
Well, if you actually believe in vampires, then you have to be bitten by a vampire to become one.
But since believing in vampires does not cause them to actually exist (they don’t), your chances of being bitten by one are exactly 0%, and so you’re back to square one, square one being: Vampires do not exist, and thus you cannot become one.
Thank you for your interest. However, we have received applications from many qualified candidates for this position and believe we have made a choice of the person best fitted for our needs at this time.
We wish you the best of luck with your search.
But theoretically, if they did exist…
What self-respecting vampire would be trolling message boards looking for victims? There’s no fun in that. Where’s the hunt? The danger? The thrill?
Nope, no vampires here.
I suggest going into medicine or biology. Maybe you can invent some way to become a vampire!
I can just imagine trying to get grant funding for THAT!
Since at its basis a “vampire” is a creature which consumes the blood of another creature, the simplest way for you to become a vampire is to drink blood. Voila.
I would not reccomend that you drink blood, as for one thing I’m a vegetarian and for another there are many many blood-borne diseases by which a drinker of blood may become infected. If, however, you insist, I suggest that you find one or more willing donors, have them tested for every disease you can think of and feed off them exclusively. I’m sure there are any number of websites which will have information on “real” vampires and there may even be some sort of vampire-donor network you can access.
In addition to the whole blood-drinking thing, you need to determine what type of vampire you’re like to become. If you’d like to be a modern-day goth-type vampire, you should dress all in black, hide from the sun, and act really despressed. If you’d prefer a more classical appearance, a cape may be in order, and black hair is preferable. If you’d rather be a Buffy-type 'pire, you’ll need to ensure that you’re ugly and deformed - severe acid scarring will work, but that’s a bit severe. Just scrunching up your face into a perpetual sneer works almost as well, and is much less painful.
At any rate, best of luck with your new-found hobby! Watch out for pointy sticks!
Jeff
Joe Random, contrary to popular belief being bitten by a vampire poses no risk of contractring vampirism. Human Vampirism Virus or HVV is not present in saliva. HVV is present in blood and semen, so you can contract vampirism by getting a blood transfusion from an infected person, having sex with an infected person, or ingesting blood from an infected person. Since vampirism usually results in the elimination of the desire for normal sex, the most common cause of vampirism is drinking the blood of an HVV+ person.
A friend of mine, after “Interview with the Vampire” came out, spent $400 to have her dentist sharpen her canines. She had an eye doctor give her a contact lense Rx and had it filled someplace where they gave her ones that make her eyes look yellow with slit pupils.
I think she tried to drink pig’s blood, got sick to her stomach, so now she drinks tomato juice, instead.
If you have the money, try it.
No offense, but you believe in something that isn’t remotely possible. Granted that hasn’t stopped people before…
Then again, I’m a moderator for a vampire message board (yeah, me-never saw that one coming did you? 
), I’m the resident “non-believer” (well, me and a few others) and I can categorically tell you that, after several months: Not one “self proclaimed” vampire, werewolf, psychic, etc has ever given the slightest shred of evidence to substantiate their claims.
Those that do claim to be some sort of supernatural vampire are one of the following:
Children,
Delusional,
or
Pedophiles looking to ‘pick up’ chicks,
Plain old, fucking stupid.
Granted, I’m making generalizations based on the MB I participate at, so I don’t know how relevent it is.
Damn, there go my plans for the weekend.
Well, since you can’t be “made” a vampire, you might want to freelance as one. Since killing people and drinking their blood is disgusting, unethical, repugnant and illegal, I don’t suggest you actually do what these people did.
For starters, there’s The vampire of Sacramento, Richard Trenton Chase. He was schitzophrenic, thought his pulmonary artery had been stolen, was five foot eleven and weighed only 145 pounds. He killed a few people abd drank their blood, but if you read the linked article, it doesn’t seem like his life was very happy.
Next we have Marc Sappington, The Kansas City Vampire. He heard voices – auditory hallucinations – commanding him to harvest human blood and flesh. He killed four people and tried to suck the blood of two his victims. Sappington was arrested and will probably be committed for the rest of his life in a state mental hospital.
IF you’re in the mood for old-world european charm, there’s Peter Kürten, the vampire of Düsseldorf. He got off on burglaries and slashing little girls’ throats in their sleep. He was also a sexual predator and preyed on, once again, little girls as well as prostitutes and any young woman unlucky enough to be in his way after dark. As a boy he committed beasiality with sheep. Although he lived a life of squalid poverty, he showed up for his trial dressed in an immaculate suit and with sleek, neatly parted hair, Kürten had the look of a prim and proper businessman. Very Anne Rice chic, eh? Unlike Lestat, Louis, etc, on July 2nd 1932, the ‘Düsseldorf Vampire’ went to his death at a guillotine erected in the yard of the Klingelputz Prison.
So, I’m going to say that there’s not real future in being a vampire. I think you might want to stick to wearing black clothes, avoiding sunlight and writing angsty poetry.
You could join a vampire “social” club. Although not technically vampires in that they turn into bats or drink peoples’ blood, they do drink animal blood from the meat they buy at the store at their ritual meetings.
Of related interest, in China, there are what the govt. has labelled as “vampire gangs.” These criminal gangs kidnap people, kill’em, take their organs and blood, and then sell it on the black market to the highest bidder.
well, for ur information Meatros, i am a “child”…i am only 14 and by all of u idiots trying to tell me off…u r just making urselves look like dumbasses…
HA! You tell 'em foxydevil2e! They don’t know anything… bunch of dumbasses… don’t even believe in vampires.
Next thing you know they’ll be debunking Freddy Krueger stories!
Good god, will school ever start?
Actually, boy, your descent into L33t D00d spelling has greatly diminished your intellectual appearance, I can quite nicely assure you. Furthermore, those who have replied to you have done so with decorum and in quite intelligent manners. It is a mandatory prerequisite of maturity to realize that it is possible for an intelligent person to disagree with you and not descend into personal insult merely because one does not get what one wants handed on a silver platter.
**
Well, considering your other options, you’re pretty lucky.
Let me suggest this thread to you
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=201395
It just happens to be on-going right now.