Look hot; acting lessons; small theater; awesome agent.
How do you wash dishes?
Stuff dishwasher beyond capacity. Add soap. Run. Curse residual crust.
How do you learn to juggle?
Find a bunch of objects. Drop them sequentially. Fail repeatedly.
How do you become a pirate?
Put out one eye. Apply patch. Sprinkle speech with “ARRRRRrrrrrrr!”
How do you handle when you’re in a public restroom stall and realize that no toilet paper remains?
Having had foresight, fish around in purse for emergency napkin.
How do you do lucid dreaming?
Prepare; remember; keep journal; recognize themes; link dreamworld and reality..
How do you get Pitted?
Say, “Gays recruit, Jesus saves, Bush rocks, kittens should die.” *
How do you play the piano?
- Just in case it’s not clear, I don’t believe these things, but I think they’d sure garner a Pitting!
Sit at piano. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice.
How do you cook a romantic meal?
Hit correct keys at correct time with correct force.
How do you get through the work day?
Plan; shop; cook; don’t burn anything; light candles; pour wine.
How do you get through the work day?
Sleep with eyes open through meetings. Arrange e-mail. Then, Dope!
Since no new suggestions was given.
Starbucks, vente; fight colleagues for jobs (really); surf. converse, knosh.
How do handle a hungry man?
Remove cardboard, poke holes in plastic, cook in oven 
How do you stop a charging Rhino?
Take away its hefty line of credit. Isn’t that obvious?
How do you build a kite?
According to Bradbury, with old circus posters. Tail of children.
How do you combat creeping disillusionment?
Read old books; chocolate; watch children play; use baseball bat
How do you give a cat a bath?
Clean toilet. Add soap. Drop Cat in. Cover. Flush. Release.
How do you artificially inseminate a cow?
Dinner, movie, existential conversation, turkey baster, get phone number, run!
How do you impress a teenager?
Just, like, you know, don’t like, just, what-everrrr
How do you write a hit song?
tee hee! You must have some!
Ahem. Hit song:
Experience pain. Write it out. Melody has hooks, doesn’t suck.
(Or, “Ask Brujaja. I gotta million of 'em.”)