I’m going through a bad breakup. This girl was my best friend before we become significant others, and we’re trying desperately to stay friends. But right now, she needs space, and I need to start feeling better without her around.
So, any distractions that you suggest? Good books and movies for heart ache? Activities that clear that mind? Preferably, things that can be done solo, because I want to get used to being alone again.
Thank you for your help.
Take up a new sport or volunteer for a good cause. Literacy Volunteers of America is a good one.
Have a good ole fashioned night out with friends, males and females. Get together, bar hop, have fun and raise hell in general! 
Good luck!
Your pal,
CC
foxfire, I feel your pain. It must be the season for it. Bloody women!!!
The last time I had my heart badly broken, I went out to the local dyke bar (there’s only one in this backwater town) and got myself horribly plastered to the point that I couldn’t walk in a straight line. I did this every Friday night for four or five weeks. Not exactly healthy, but hey… it numbed things a little.
As for stuff that is less likely to kill brain cells… I found that travelling to another city for a weekend away really helped - I went to Sydney for a weekend, did all the touristy stuff. Treated myself to nice meals with a newspaper for company.
Also, because I am a volleyball nut, I threw myself back into competition. I played several nights a week and found the exercise helped me vent some of my frustrations.
But most of all… I cried and cried and cried some more, and when I thought I was done crying, I found my friends and told them how crappy I felt, cried some more, and let them soothe my wounds.
I know these aren’t exactly solo suggestions (except the travel), but I found they worked for me. I hope you and your ex sort things out.
Max.
Shopping. Fabu mall boutiques and department stores if possible, or if precluded by tight budget, thrift shopping: Goodwill, Amvets, Dollar Store, etc. Shopping can salve a whole lotta burnin’ hurt, in my opinion. Good luck and hope you feel better soon!
I write poetry about it and post it on my website. Then people I barely know write me and tell me that they know how I feel. So far it hasn’t actually helped me feel less lonely or miserable during the bad moments, but has helped me to express myself and keep a running monologue of my heartaches. Apparently it helps OTHER people more than it helps me… go figure.
Things I do that I shouldn’t… read her letters to me, listen to music that reminds me of her, mope and shut my friends out.
don’t do that.
I like to lose myself in my favorite books. I’m one of those people who can reread books dozens of times, so escaping into Patricia McKillip’s books or re-reading Lord of the Rings is always nice.
movies don’t work for me unless I have people to watch with.
Another vote for travel here, for as long as you can get away. It’s amazing how far-off and unimportant your “real life” becomes after a few days. Taking a class or volunteering somewhere would probably work, too – anything that will put you in contact with new people and give you new stuff to think about.
Another vote for volunteer work. It will make you realize you’re not as bad off as you (understandably) feel right now.
Besides, you have a need for human contact and feeling like you’re doing some good never hurts.
I moved halfway across the country and back in with my parents, which was my mom’s idea, and it’s worked so far for me. At least I don’t need to worry about running into him when I’m out and about.
I’m not recommending moving for anybody else, but I’d wanted to get out of that town anyway and the breakup gave me the push I needed to DO it. And since my mom and I are good friends, it’s working out well. Plus I don’t have to worry about money half as much – no rent for now! Yay!
I, too, did volunteer work at an animal shelter. After being pulled across the parking lot by a large, untrained dog I ended that quickly (and learned to laugh again). Taking little classes are a great way to meet new people too and hey, you learn new stuff too (cooking, dancing, wine tasting, etc…). I cleaned my apartment incessantly too, rearranging the closets, and scrubbing parts of the kitchen that have never seen the light of day. Buy a cool new outfit, go buy a really overpriced frappy coffee and enjoy it, rent a funny movie, call a good pal, maybe buy a new CD or book and indulge yourself in it. A nice little trip is great too, I took off to Colorado for some hiking which soothed my mind and nerves and gave things new perspective.
Do anything you think of to keep yourself busy and occupied, yet learning and growing at the same time!! Good luck
Cut your heart out with a carving knife and toss it out the window. It’ll never bother you again…
Seriously, taking up a new sport is great. I recommend target shooting - everything in the world disappears to me when I’m concentrating on shooting straight. Which is one of the reasons why we just beat Cambridge in the Varsity match…
Travelling is great too, unless you think too much.
Besides that, buy some more good music and some interesting books and watch the rest of the world disappear. I recommend picking up some good and easily readable history books, that’s nice and neutral as well as really interesting. Or read some Terry Pratchett (I recommend “Guards! Guards!”).
I feel for you.
I do plenty of volunteer work for a children’s chariity. When a big break-up hit, I poured myself into the charity work and apparently, I made a great impression.
I was elected to the Board of Directors after that, and now many peolple say they want me to be the President.
Don’t try dating until you’re healed. It will just create a confusing mess.
Another vote here for volunteer work.
Slowly, things will improve. Good luck!
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[sup]Climb Mt. Everest.[/sup][/ul]
Kick boxing! 
Take up a hobby with a specific end goal.
For example:
learn how to crochet and set out to make a blanket.
You could always donate the blanket to a good cause.
There is a group here that knits baby stuff. Every baby born at the hospital goes home with a hat and booties.
The group gets together every now and and make the hats or drop off hats they made at home.
good luck to you!
Join a Cult… E-mail Lsura for details
Just kidding. DO things… find something you like and just do it… many times just sitting around and thinking is your worse enemy.
I find for myself personally if I quit thinking about something and stay active, then my head will figure it all out on its own.
Thanks you all for all the good suggestions! Seems like idle time is my worst enemy, so I intend to do my best to stay busy.
Certainly allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, and it is a mourning process that you do have to go through… but when you find that you’re dwelling, or you’re getting really upset quite often, you need a distraction. And many good ideas have been posted here.
Focus on things perhaps left unattended while you were in the relationship… like a hobby you let go, or a goal you put on the back burner.
And stay away from your happily-coupled friends. That’s pure torture! heh
Oh, I forgot! Sometimes it helps to write everything you’re feeling in a journal. If you’re the overly-introspective type, setting your thoughts down on paper (or a Word document, or whatever) can really help. Plus, in a few months you’ll look back on it and think… I cried my heart out for THAT??? It can help to put things in perspective.
Max
Get something really shiny.
Humans are attracted to shiny stuff.
I have used the journal specifically for this type of thing, recently, and it’s the best advice that I’ve found to work. At first, you’ll find that you write alot, and then a little less, and then something will happen to remind you of the pain, and instead of getting upset, you realize that you can let it all out in your journal instead of dwelling on your past relationship.
It takes time, and I’m sorry to hear about your loss. There is some more good advice in this thread, I hope this all helps.