How To Drive In New Jersey.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=danceswithcats]
Interstate 95 enters a Bermuda Triangle like space in New Jersey. You cross the Scudders Falls bridge, continue north on 95, and it becomes 295 and heads east, turns south, eventually dragging your confused ass all the way to Wilmington, DE via the Delaware Memorial bridge. You can also get onto 195 from 295 and head east through the middle of nuttin’ until reaching the GSP, or the ocean.

If you really, really want to go north on 95, you can use route 1, or route 130, or if you went east on 195, you can go north on the Jersey Turnpike, or route 9, or even the GSP, because they all kinda come together around 287, and now that your map looks like an origami kitten, there’s 95 again, ready to take you on a scenic tour of the Bronx.

If you missed all of that and end up near the Tappan Zee bridge, turn right, cross the Hudson, and continue until you reach Rye. Have a drink of rye, and you’ll be back on 95, having missed the Bronx.

Do not try to repeat the above in reverse when going south. It will not work.
[/QUOTE]

While Jersey was greedy enough to put in a Turnpike, it must be pointed out that the limbo that I-95 goes into is pretty much both NJ’s & Philly’s fault (and, to all you Philadelphians, I said “Philly” just to tick you off; bite me) for not being arsed/having the werewithal to complete their section of it in a timely fashion. Hell it still isn’t “complete”, what, like 50 years later? Still can’t get it done. Those people are dumber than Rocky and more crooked than a dog’s hind leg, the lot of them. Why else would drivers still have to be paying tolls on a road (the NJ turnpike) that was completed 55 freaking years ago! They’d charge tolls for breathing if they were smart enough to come up with a way to monitor it.

Plus I can’t stop laughing at folks who think the south is behind the times when every time I go to Philly/NJ, all I hear on the radio is 70s calssic rock, like there’s some sort of music time warp going on there. Jesus, you walking anachronisms, get with it! Oh, and lose the pompadours while you’re at it.

22

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
Sorry, this thread is about New Jersey or maybe Joisey. Not that quaint little Island near Britain.

  1. Remember, you have to pay to leave New Jersey.
    [/QUOTE]
    I have to give credit to whomever thought this up. They know everyone wants to leave NJ, so let’s charge them for the privilege of escaping. Brilliant!
23

[QUOTE=D_Odds]
I have to give credit to whomever thought this up. They know everyone wants to leave NJ, so let’s charge them for the privilege of escaping. Brilliant!
[/QUOTE]
My wife, who grew up in New Jersey, fondly recalls when the state legislature decided that the state needed an “official teen anthem”. What did they pick?

Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run”, a song about fleeing New Jersey!

24

[QUOTE=Pochacco]
My wife, who grew up in New Jersey, fondly recalls when the state legislature decided that the state needed an “official teen anthem”. What did they pick?

Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run”, a song about fleeing New Jersey!
[/QUOTE]

Just to break one urban legend. While Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” was the unofficial or generally acknowledged “teen anthem”, New Jersey does not have an “official teen anthem” or State Song. Additionally, all these years later Bruce keeps coming back to live here. In the end, NJ offers a lot to more than counter all the bad stuff.

25

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been ‘accidentally activated.’
[/QUOTE]

I saw someone intentionally using a turn signal in New Jersey once. He was in the right-lane of a twelve-lane expressway, and had realized too late that his desired exit was actually a left exit. So he stopped in the traffic lane on the busy freeway, and turned on his left blinker, evidently to signal either that he intended to cross five lanes more or less perpendicular to the flow of traffic, or that he was a confounded moron. Or both. :rolleyes:

The only other time I drove in Jersey, I nearly got into a head-on rear-end collision as I exited a highway with someone who had missed a sub-exit ramp on the exit ramp, and naturally shifted into reverse & headed back down the ramp to go back and catch it. I swear, if my company sends me on another business trip to NJ, I’m going to either quit or shoot myself. At least here in Texas, people just drive seven hundred miles an hour …

26

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
In the end, NJ offers a lot to more than counter all the bad stuff.
[/QUOTE]
:dubious:

Pull the other one…

:cool:

My greatest fear is that one day Ms. D_Odds will force me to move to NJ to be nearer her brother and the rest of her family. I wonder if that is considered acceptable grounds for divorce in NY?

27

And heads up for the occasional airplane on the road

28

[QUOTE=D_Odds]
:dubious:

Pull the other one…

:cool:

My greatest fear is that one day Ms. D_Odds will force me to move to NJ to be nearer her brother and the rest of her family. I wonder if that is considered acceptable grounds for divorce in NY?
[/QUOTE]

If I recall correctly, it is grounds. :wink:

Hey, we have great beaches, skiing, major amusement parks, unlimited shopping, much cheaper gas than NY, Horse Racing, two major football teams, a World Class international airport and a dozen others of course, convenience to The City and Philly and even Baltimore/DC. We rank near the top for education and income. In North Jersey, our Italian food nearly rivals New York itself. Our Indian food might be the best in the nation in Edison. We have AC, Cape May and the Pine Barrens, I can make it to Yankee Stadium in 60 to 70 minutes on a good day and yet deer roam my yard, we even have some pretty damn good Dopefests. Though I am still waiting for someone else to put one together. I’ll do another in May or June.

Jim

29

If you don’t ‘get’ New Jersey, stay the hell out.

30

If your windshield wipers break during an ice storm and you’re stranded by the side of the road, you will not be able to find a hotel without calling someone back home who has Google Earth. (Hello? I’m somewhere in NJ…on something called Possum Butt Road…otherwise, I have no idea where the hell I am…) And then driving 25 miles through an ice storm without the use of said wipers. Because NJ does NOT appear to have those nice signs that tell you what you might find off any given exit. :frowning:

31

[QUOTE=phungi]
13. Traffic circles were designed around the “merge or die” principle. When entering a traffic circle, do not slow down. When driving around a traffic circle, do not slow down. When leaving a traffic circle, do not slow down.
[/QUOTE]

This is true in New Jersey and the Middle East. I can surmise that I’ve survived three deployments because I was born, raised, and learned to drive in New Jersey (still have my license, too).

  1. If “lost” in New Jersey, use this handy factoid: “Roads”, “Streets”, “Avenues” and “Boulevards” are north of Trenton. “Pikes” are the only authorized nomenclature south of Trenton.

Tripler
I know this from keen observation.

32

Recommended optional feature for your vehicle if you’ll be driving on the Parkway.

33

[QUOTE=What Exit?]

Hey, we have great beaches, skiing, major amusement parks, unlimited shopping, much cheaper gas than NY, Horse Racing, two major football teams, a World Class international airport
Jim
[/QUOTE]

A word, sir, about that “world class airport”. You know, the one without any SIGNS. Well, that’s not true. There are signs. I have twenty minutes to make it through customs, security again, and find A-29 or something. I’m running like fucking OJ with his Samsonite. I spent twenty minutes in the security line, but I’m holding out hope. I look around and THERE IS NO A. I see a sign to A… take the train?! I finally find somebody to ask and she says “That’s down there.” She points to all the C gates.

It was. It didn’t say A, of course, but that was it - I know 'cause it changed from “Columbia, S.C.” to “Berlin” as I ran up to it.

And those people who work at your world class airport there? Assholes, every one, except for the lady at Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs. It was the first kind word I’d heard in two hours and I burst into tears at her.

34

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
We also specialize in highways that make strange U-shape loops. 287 and rt 36 come to mind immediately.
[/QUOTE]

I seem to recall a long section of highway around Trenton where you can travel on 195 North and 295 South at the same time. The road goes east-west. I don’t know how you could possibly figure out if you were going the right way if the sun was high in the sky.

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
When coming down from NYC via the George Washington Bridge & Rt95, in can be a challenge to get on the NJ Turnpike and thus continue on I-95. Many a hapless traveler have found themselves on Rt 80 or even heading back toward NYC.
[/QUOTE]

I forget if it’s on 95 or 80, but the actual sign saying “Welcome to New Jersey” is something like 4 miles after the bridge – as if to say, “Congrats, you ran the gauntlet and you’ve actually made it.”

Rule number 88.2: Stay off the Pulaski Skyway, whatever you do, unless you enjoy pretending you’re in some postapocalyptic movie. It’s am absurdly narrow 4-lane elevated road built in the 1500s with Bronze Age technology that has no shoulders and exits via holes in the middle between the lanes.

35

None of these are correct. As I pointed out in another thread, it’s pronounced “Noork”

— What Exit?, as a Jerseyman (Ambrose Bierce’s formulation), surely you’ve never actually heard anyone who was from New Jersey say “Joisey”.

— Say what you will about New Jersey, it’s still better than Massachusetts. I gre up in Jersey but now live in Massachusetts, and their disregard for the laws of traffic, commen sense, and even physics puts New Jersey in the dust. At least in New Jersey, they label both streets at intersections.

36

Almost forgot: tolls are optional with just a honk and a smile, or if you know where you’re going off the rest stop.

The way to get somewhere north of 195: quantify in the number of diners (go up 3 diners, make a left)
The way to get somewhere south of 195: Use Wawas. (FIVE Wawas and 2 streets, turn left at Oldnameoftown-Nenameoftown Pike)

37

[QUOTE=Ichbin Dubist]
Rule number 88.2: Stay off the Pulaski Skyway, whatever you do, unless you enjoy pretending you’re in some postapocalyptic movie. It’s am absurdly narrow 4-lane elevated road built in the 1500s with Bronze Age technology that has no shoulders and exits via holes in the middle between the lanes.
[/QUOTE]

My Og, you didn’t actually try driving on the Pulaski Skyway? I thought everyone knew that was one of the portals to hell. Well, that and the lesser know “Road to Hell” in the Pine Barrens.

Actually, I drove the Pulaski Skyway once, just once, it was “interesting” to discover a road worse than the Cross Bronx Expressway* and the Major Deegan.

[QUOTE=CalMeacham]
— What Exit?, as a Jerseyman (Ambrose Bierce’s formulation), surely you’ve never actually heard anyone who was from New Jersey say “Joisey”.
[/QUOTE]

Sure we do, as a joke and as a way to tease those that have yet to lose their North Jersey accents. One of the Ladies I work with has lived in Ocean County for 20+ years and still drops the various North Jersey gems of dialect.

I went to boot camp with at least three guys that really had Joisey accents from the Joisey City area.

But then hey, when someone from the Midwest asked me “what exit do you lived by?”

I had no clue it was a joke and I answered, “Between 105 & 109 on the Garden State Parkway, do you know the area?”

Several jaws dropped. Some myths and urban legends do have some truth to them. It is also the reason why I immediately liked the suggestion for my username when **Crotalus ** suggested it.

Jim

  • Expressway, HAH! More like suicide run.
38

[QUOTE=What Exit?]
Hey, we have great beaches
[/quote]
Check

check

historical amusement park (and some major ones upstate)

who doesn’t, except maybe Nassau County

you got me there

check

which claims to be from New York (and whats the second major football team?)

:dubious:

Check

even more convenient to “The City” and who needs the other ones :cool:

Don’t know the rankings here.

Our Italian food rivals Italy

I’ll have to take your word, but our melting pot is much broader and you can find cuisine from just about every region in the world.

Statue of Liberty, Montauk Point, Fire Island, Tribeca

I can make it in that time on a bad day, leaving late and hitting traffic (or I can use public transportation - $2.00 each way door-to-door)

We have raccoons :mad:

I’ll concede that point.

ETA: The Pulaski Skyway is worse than the Cross Bronx? Wow! I’ve only got detoured onto it once and hated it, but I’ve seen the worst the CBE has to offer, and it is BAD! My imagination isn’t vivid enough to envision a worse road.

39

[QUOTE=An Arky]
While Jersey was greedy enough to put in a Turnpike, it must be pointed out that the limbo that I-95 goes into is pretty much both NJ’s & Philly’s fault (and, to all you Philadelphians, I said “Philly” just to tick you off; bite me) for not being arsed/having the werewithal to complete their section of it in a timely fashion. Hell it still isn’t “complete”, what, like 50 years later? Still can’t get it done. Those people are dumber than Rocky and more crooked than a dog’s hind leg, the lot of them. Why else would drivers still have to be paying tolls on a road (the NJ turnpike) that was completed 55 freaking years ago! They’d charge tolls for breathing if they were smart enough to come up with a way to monitor it.

[/QUOTE]

Ha! The Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge were paid off by toll payments four decades ago. Just another example of effin El Lay screwing us generous norcalers.

80 East and 580 West are the same highway, which heads north thru Berkeley.

40

[QUOTE=Great Dave]
80 East and 580 West are the same highway, which heads north thru Berkeley.
[/QUOTE]
On Long Island, 25 East and 25A East cross each other perpendicularly at least twice