Not for nothing do both states’ troopers wear such neofascist uniforms.
Let me second the Mapquest problem! I’ve been here five months and have had to divorce all online direction programs. These programs actually believe that roads called “Winding Bush Washington Parkway” don’t change to “Squirrel Tree Pennington Boulevard Street” every third mile.
I finally got smart and now drive two miles north to catch the 95 “North” to get to the 95 “South” and the Philly airport. This happened after the third time Mapquest had me meander through every one-horse town between here and Camden to get to the 'port.
I now tell my partner when we’re entering “navigating by bat radar” driving. The map might *tell * us that the 295 is to the right, but we usually end up doing some psychic driving and enjoying the downtowns of places like Whitehorse, Whitehead, Whiteguy, Whitemama, and Whitewashingtonpenningtonroeblingville Township of BoroVille.
I do have to say, however, that while my part of Jersey is often directionally bewildering, at least they glue up an intersection sign here 'n there. Pennsylvania (where I work) sez “fuck you, you figure out where you are, sucker!”
I’m from the western U.S., where they are crazy about signage. You can find a “Los Angeles 712 miles” sign in Salt Lake City 
And, a P.P.S.: NOTHING in Jersey traffic rivals that of Southern California’s. I spent 18 years in SoCal Traffic and smile internally when people complain about the congestion here and in Philadelphia.
Okay, I think I’m done posting for a few minutes.
I can drive in Manhattan, Philly & Chicago, I obviously drive in New Jersey, the worst place to drive is LA without compare. They can be very proud of the mess they made.
I don’t know about Boston, but LA is worse than even Brooklyn. I wonder if any of our Bostonians have driven in LA. I have only driven around Boston so far.
Jim
I’ve driven in Boston, New Jersey, and LA (in addition to other places).
I have to admit – I think LA drivers are better than NJ or MA. By far.
They WILL stop for pedestrians. They let you merge in when you’re entering. Boston drivers won’t do that – they’ll gladly run down pedestrians (who equally blithely ignore cars and walk signals, so it all evens out). The Boston motto is, I think, the one Dave Barry credits to Miami – “Death before Yielding”.
Of the many times I’ve driven in LA, none of them were as annoying as the times I’ve spent elsewhere. You want traffic tie-ups? Besides Boston, try Atlanta – worse than anything I’ve experienced in California.
On dull day in the office, we go on mapquest and see how they recommend getting from here to there in our part of New Jersey. It makes us scream with laughter.
When a German e-friend had to get from Kennedy Airport to my house, I e-mailed her explicit directions on the best route. The taxi fare was only $40. I dread to think of what trip via mapquest would have cost.
One thing I remember when I lived (briefly) in central NJ is that there are very few major thoroughfares going N-S (more like NNW-SSE). There are some but typically they are about 10 miles apart (along US 17 and/or the Turnpike) if you are lucky, which means to travel in that direction often means taking very twisty convoluted routes, esp. if your destination is nowhere near a turnpike exit.
Is this a joke?
No, in all seriousness, are you kidding? I’ve had occasion to drive through your fair state three times now. Only once did I subject myself to the Garden State Parkway. I did this because, despite having heard the horror stories, I was headed to Delaware from New York and the GSP seemed the most direct route. So, I drove the whole length of the thing, north to south.
Never. Again.
I did not – and if there be a God, let him serve as my witness that this is not in the slightest an exaggeration – did NOT exceed 35 miles per hour in the state of New Jersey. Indeed, I relished those moments of 35, because they meant traffic was at least moving, and gave me hope that it might even continue to do so for another few minutes. Of course, this was only a pipe dream; we would soon grind to a halt again, separate into five lanes to pay our pittance for that particular ten miles of asphalt, then re-merge (in bumper-to-bumper traffic; gee, I wonder what the holdup was?) and begin the process again. I have never in my life seen a more infuriatingly, nigh-unfathomably stupid example of “civil engineering” as that chaos-twisted hellspawn of a road.
105? 110? In meters per hour, perhaps, barring accidents or construction. I have nothing against the rest of the state (well, except A.C. proper, but being from upstate New York I can’t in good conscience blame all of Jersey for one city), but that thing they call a highway is just ludicrous.
Actually the first 12 are not mine. They are one of these Email lists that roam the world. I used these 12 established rules as a jumping off point. As to the speed, it depends on time and direction. Traveling south on the GSP in the AM, I can be doing 78 and get blown past on a regular basis. 105 to 110 is an exaggeration, but 90 would not be.
Actually everything on the list is an exaggeration except #4, I believe that one is true.
I don’t know what number we are on, so I will add #0:
0) Everyone in NJ can give directions from the closest highway exit and in New Jersey, you ask What Exit? (not which exit?)
Jim
Only in New Jersey do you get to give directions about taking 295 to 95 - and trying to make people understand what the heck you are saying.
In traffic circles the person with the biggest car and/or the most balls (m or f) has the right of way.
In suburban Jersey, each car comes with a hunting license, to allow you to mow down deer. Unfortunately the money you save on venison doesn’t quite cover your body work.
You are only allowed to go North and South, unless you are a native. Going east or west in the center of the state involves traversing a number of twisty roads, all alike, and all with state highway numbers two apart.
If you see Neal Patrick Harris hitchhiking, do not pick him up.
I’m not so sure about that. 5 and 6 are certainly true in the bridge and tunnel areas. I wouldn’t bet against 7 - just when you think you know which is the best lane for travel, they always change it. You nailed Elizabeth. Air filtration masks should be issued whenever entering.
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is close to true, I am always shocked when the car in front of me stops for a yellow, usually I think I am pushing it, only to discover someone followed me through the light, I thought I wouldn’t get through.
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Is far from true, we don’t honk like New Yorkers, but we honk plenty and road shootings are much lower than California.
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Is mainly true of the NJ Turnpike, parts of it are under perpetual construction. The GSP actually gets its projects done amazingly quick. Even the new extra wide Driscoll Bridge over the Raritan is coming along fast and with minimal interruptions.
As to Elizabeth, sadly, no exaggeration.
Jim
Yes. Do not enter Elizabeth without protection.
Nobody has mentioned that most counties along the Delaware have a Washington Township. Makes for interesting driving when going to the one in Bergen County, but meaning the one in Burlington.
In the summer, if you must take the parkway, make sure you have a full tank for the wait between 98 and 80.
I humbly object: What you are smelling between exit 12-13 on the Turnpike is Linden & not Elizabeth. Someone once told me that the refineries pay the local town so much in taxes that there are virtually no property taxes in Linden. So the next time you hear someone complaining about NJ property taxes…tell them to move to Linden. (NJ 101.5, This Means You. Of course Linden may complain about Your smell…)
PS- Is there any truth to the rumor that the word ‘Piscataway’ is actually a native indian word meaning “corrupt official highway construction project which never ends and never ever progresses”?
PPS- Why is there Always a bad driver flying back & forth between lanes at 100+ MPH between the Vauxhall Road exit and Rt 280? And why does that driver almost Always exit in Irvington???
I used to live in Hudson County, and the smell approaching Elizabeth from the Turnpike always triggers a nostalgic ‘I’m home’ feeling. I can believe it’s really Linden we’re smelling as Count Blucher says, there’s so much industry and the big cogen plant. But everyone says Elizabeth.
There’s a small patch on the Newark Bay Extension (Newark side) where you get a whiff of something volatile (toluene-y?) many days – that’s the smell that worries me.
Once you’re off the main highways, the Jersey experience can be much different. There are towns in Somerset County where traffic stops so you can cross the street. I was amazed when I moved.
“What is he (car) waiting for?”
“He’s stopping so we can cross.”
“You’re kidding. They actually do that?”
The Pulaski Skyway was one of my favorite experiences growing up because my normally sedated dad was always good for a few quality curses while driving across. I also thought the exits were futuristic and cool because they drop out of the middle. As soon as I learned to drive I realized that it was the dumbest design ever.
As far as traffic goes, I have mostly gotten use to the congestion. I only get irritated when I am 4 miles from home and I know that it will take me 30 minutes to get there. Thats what residential streets are for though. Which brings me to my rule:
Rule #20: If you are sitting in traffic and people start to turn off the highway, follow them. The lead car is always going the same place that you are.
Jersey driving is all about the gamble. On my first driving lesson I had the pleasure of playing chicken across 130. I will never forget my instructor’s words of wisdom. “Just gun it and go brah!”
Sweet Jesus, that picture of the Skyway without a median barrier actually made my heart jump.
Cross-Bronx : Pulaski :: teacup ride : Coney Island Cyclone.