If you are on the Westbank Expressway (like, three minutes out of downtown New Orleans just across the river) then you must ignore the speed limit of 60 and slow down. 50 is as fast as you should ever go. Not only is the posted limit a maximum, it is insanity to go that fast on a three-lane freeway. Perhaps all the drive-through daquiri shops have something to do with this.
And if you are on a certain stretch of the 10 that actually goes way up over a canal – it resembles an actual hill, for Og’s sake – you must slow down even if there is no traffic in your way. You must not ever push down harder on your gas pedal to maintain your speed. It is a hill. It is scary. YOU MUST SLOW DOWN.
Except for the random asshole doing 80 in every situation, including neighborhood side streets, these seem to be the basic rules around here. It makes me crazy! Going BELOW the limit? WTF is that about?
Drive exactly the speed limit in the left hand lane on a 4-lane highway during rush hour. Even though if you moved out of it, that half-mile of traffic stacked up behind you would clear through at 75 into that wide open space in front of you. Even though cops don’t even pull people over in that lane for going 80. Even though you have a lane of traffic a car width to your right going the same speed as you. Even though you seem to have a pretty important phone call to take, you’re the right one, son! You’re the one going the speed limit. You’re the safe one here. Well played!
Pedestrians (may only refer to the Greater Toronto Area)
When waiting at a corner to cross the street, it is advisable not to use precious sidewalk space. Please stand at least three feet into the road. The cars are honking at someone else.
As crossing at lights is highly inconvenient, feel free to cross anywhere you like. Do NOT check for oncoming traffic. Keep your head down and get into that road. If you don’t see the cars, they don’t really exist.
Advance greens are for you too! Push past the other pedestrians and start crossing. If you can’t make it to the lane the traffic is turning into before the cars do, you can at least be right there when the WALK signal comes on. Step lively, there’s hospital beds to be filled!
Your lunch is extremely heavy. Please buy actual luggage to carry it. The kind with a pull out handle eight feet long with wheels on it. Do not pay any attention to what it’s doing behind you as you barrel along.
Reading a paper while navigating a busy sidewalk is an excellent way to multi-task. It also helps you meet new people!
Everyone, and I mean everyone, wants to hear your cell phone conversation. Speak as loudly as possible. Consider optional megaphone attachment for your phone. When in a crowd, gesticulate wildly.
When walking with others, please do not proceed single file through tight spaces. Your conversation is important, so make sure you stay side by side. Other people can simply phase through solid objects in order to get out of your way.
Cloying, eye-watering drugstore perfume, and lots of it!
True for my suburb at least: When two or more cars approach a 4-way stop at the same time, the person with the most expensive car determines who goes first - either by barely performing a rolling stop and then continuing onwards, or by impatiently waving at the person who they choose to “allow” to go first.
True for many drivers in my home state, Wisconsin: Those onramps for highways should be taken at a slow speed, say 35 or less. They curve, after all! Plus you need to be going slow to look over your shoulder and watch all those fast cars zipping by on the highway. Once you get to the point where you absolutely must merge into the right lane of the highway, that is the time to panic, gesticulate about all those wild drivers, and nearly cause an accident as people try to avoid your slow ass.
True for many drivers in my adopted state, Illinois: Those annoying tourists from Wisconsin plus the semi trucks make driving in the right lane a big hassle. Just drive slowly down the center lane of the highway. Ignore the bottleneck that’s forming as all traffic faster than you is forced into a single lane to the left. That’s their fault for being in a hurry, anyway.
Oh, I’m saving up for a major road-rant here in the Pit. To cover a variety of topics. Just need one more jerk not paying attention to where he’s driving to push me over the edge…
OK, so we have a lot of people who don’t know much about motorcycle gear. But I bet you guys are real cool, what with your chaps and all. (That would be chaps with and w/o pants)
Oh, well… why post my own Driving Rant Thread when I can use this one?
Chapter One : Pedestrians.
To the folks who meander slowly, chatting with friends, across the lane in front of me, simply because they see a half-second window of opportunity … screw you.
Likewise to the folks who insist in wandering across traffic in a jaywalking fashion when a crosswalk exists not ten feet from their location.
Also to the pedestrians who seem to think that the edge of my lane is a sidewalk.
Most especially to the person who pushes the ‘Walk Signal’ button… then takes off through traffic because he sees an opening… leaving the entire flow of traffic to stop when his walk signal arrives fifteen seconds later.
And lastly to the guy who sees me edging out of a parking lot… signalling, preparing to merge into what is a very busy street beyond … who takes it upon himself to walk out into the bloody street in front of me, preventing me from taking merging opportunities, rather than walking behind me.
Chapter Two : Bicyclists.
Yes, I know they’re energy-efficient. And cheap. That’s great. However, I live in the hilliest city in the hilliest state in the country. A city which happens to have a wonderful and IIRC, free public transit system. So while you switch down to your lowest gear to struggle up the busiest thouroughfare in town at 5 miles an hour, I can’t help but think you could’ve planned a little better.
I hate to agree with County, but he’s right. Of course you wear chaps over jeans. But the problems is you shouldn’t be wearing jeans at all. A little layer of cotton isn’t going to “save your ass” in a fall. Full leather is the only thing that’ll save you from roadrash!
I just want to point out that this sort of turn is called an “S-turn” and was taught to me by my driving school.
The point of this sort of turn is to keep the car straight rather than the driver’s side front edge pointing towards oncoming traffic. Done correctly, this turn is the safest and best way to see past other cars in front trying to make a turn.
Pedestrians: When walking from the parking lot to the store, the place to walk is in the middle of the road. The cars idling behind you as you walk are merely providing an escort to make sure you arrive safely. There is no need to hold your children’s hands, or even monitor their whereabouts – that’s what the cars behind you are for.
Nothing to add to the discussion here. I just thought these two quotes needed to be seen together. Chaps without pants. Open door in gay bar. HEHHEHHEH
Really, no, it’s ok, just walk out into the middle of a 5-lane street to get to class. I mean it.
Those walk/don’t walk lights don’t mean anything. Promise.
Streets:
Yes, we do drive through yellow lights in this town. No, it is not a good idea to stop for them, because that can and will get you yelled at, cursed and possibly shot.
Turn signal? What the hell’s a turn signal?
Do, and I mean do, cross 3 lanes of Nicholasville Road at 5:15 in the evening and then hold up the only left turn lane by trying to turn in at that little driveway-ish exit rather than going up to the light and turning back down the frontage road. Please. You’re only holding up a line of cars back through the New Circle entrance/exit ramps.
Speaking of New Circle, don’t ever trouble yourself with getting over when people merge on. It’s more fun to run them off onto the shoulder.
Interstates
Do pull up into my blind spot and match your cruise to mine, so I’m blocked in behind traffic traveling 15 mph slower. I so love having to brake-check myself into a hole.
Parking Lots:
If we’re all sitting in a line waiting to exit a large event, do not use an “empty lane” to blow past us and then expect someone to let you into line.
And there is always some “nice guy” who lets them in. Which changes my vision of my next car having a rocket launcher on the hood to a vision of my next car having two rocket launchers on the hood.
When I am Emperor of the World, there will be a select company of secret police whose sole job will be to wander the streets and roads watching drivers. Whenever they see someone do something egregiously stupid, they will be authorized to pull the driver over, take their license, take their car, and state in an authoritative tone of voice “Start walking, pal.” That will be my first action, even before the mandatory Richard Thompson album in every home.
