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“typo conspiracy” - Band name!!!
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Mmkay… Bad Behaviors.
Turn Signals - The ability to make external lights of your vehicle blink was not included for your amusement. When changing lanes or turning, you are required to expend the half-erg of energy to toggle these.
Cellphones and Distracted Driving - I’m sorry, jackass, I didn’t realize that piloting a half-ton of steely, four-wheeled death didn’t demand your full attention.
Headlights - It’s the law here, if I recall correctly, to turn on your lights after a certain time of day or when it’s raining. People still don’t. Understand this : Those headlights of yours, while they do indeed help you see, have another purpose. They help me see you, so if I ram you with my vehicle, it is less likely to be accidental.
Tailgating - Ah, the mother of all bad behaviors. Do not drive two feet from my bumper. It can only end badly for you. I will slow down. A lot, in some cases. I will hinder you to the maximum amount my schedule allows.
A story, relating to the last point : I’m zipping down the interstate, heading home from work one day. I’m passing a long line of cars on my right … doing about 74 mph in a 70 mph zone. Suddenly, a semi-truck comes barrelling up behind me at around 85 … slowing to hover about a foot or two off my bumper as he matches my speed. First? Attempting to intimidate me with your vehicle? Screw you. Second, you’re endangering my life and potentially other motorists. I hope you get your license revoked permanently, whoever you were.
My response? I slowly ease off the gas. I work my speed down to 65 mph, about the same as the folks on the right. And I keep that truck behind me for a good ten miles. Felt good, too.
- Speed limits have exceptions on Sundays. Sunday morning, by law, the maximum speed is actually 10 mph lower. Sunday evenings, the minimum speed limits are actually 10 mph higher. Obey these laws.
- If you’re making a left turn, don’t use that yellow area in the center of the road that is one carwidth wide. Use the left lane on your side of the road to hold up traffic in the left lane. After all, left turn lanes are only meant for people to turn onto quickly from another road, scaring the crap out of people in the left lane to the right of them. If you make an actual left turn from the left turn lane, though, slow down way before you get into it, and leave at least a foot of your car dangling in the left lane, forcing the left lane people to slam on their brakes or swerve slightly into the right lane.
- (to the girl up near the high school the other day) It’s funny to pretend to run out in the middle of the road, causing people to swerve and nearly get into accidents.
- If you’re making a left turn into a parking lot, stop for no apparent reason immediately after clearing the road you were just on. That way, the person behind you will be stuck in the middle of oncoming traffic, facing the possibility of being broadsided.
I had a Cal Highway Patrol car tailgate me like that once. He didn’t signal for me to pull over or anything, so I knew he wasn’t after me, but it still sucked. I had to speed up to get out of his way.
1 - When someone ahead of you in the next lane operates their turn signal to indicate a change of lanes to the space in front of you, you must accelerate so as to cut off their lane change.
2 - If they fail to signal, or if they are too far ahead of you, then when they start their maneuver, accelerate so that you have an excuse to tailgate them, flash your head lights, and direct obscene monodigit gestures at them.
3 - Always drive just under a car length behind the bumper of the car to your right. Especially if you are in the left lane. When someone tries to pass you on the right, close this distance so they cannot pass.
4 - If someone who is travelling faster than you attempts to pass you on the right, and there is no other traffic to use as a picket, then accelerate so that they cannot pass. Ideally, you will soon encounter another car to your right, and can apply rule #3.
5 - Never signal before changing lanes. See #1. Signalling puts you at a disadvantage by allowing other drivers to predict your actions.
6 - If for some reason you are compelled to use your lane change indicator, then just give it a quick nudge during the middle of your maneuver, so that it blinks only once. This allows you to conform with the letter of the law while still not giving up the advantage of suprise.
7 - Do not turn your head to check your mirrors or your blind spots. This makes you appear weak and non-omniscient. (Southern California Drivers: This appearance is especially important to maintain if you are Asian.)
8 - If someone is travelling too slow in your lane, then when you pass them, be sure and return to their lane leaving as little space as possible between you and their front bumper. This sends a clear message to the other driver that you have revoked their privilege to drive on your road.
9 - The best time to clean your windshield is when you are heading east in the morning or west in the evening on a two-lane undivided highway, and someone is behind. Preparing to pass. Right as a gap in oncoming traffic approaches.
10 - Remember, no one is entitled to be ahead of you, and your immediate goal in driving is always to pass the person in front of you.
Bit of a late reply but that my numero uno pet traffic peeve! I deal with this one practically every day. It’s not a parking lot, it’s the line for the interchange, but the same principle applies.
I do NOT understand why people let these drivers back in. As far as I am concerned they should be made to sit there for hours until such a time that traffic eases off and the correct line becomes empty. I will do anything within reasonable safety limits to stop them getting back in. It’s gotten to the point where the people who do let them get back in annoy me almost as much as the queue jumpers.