Oh, also -
When you’ve invited a group of people out for a special dinner (anniversary, birthday, celebration, thank you, etc.) why not consider taking a couple of minutes to get with the server in private AWAY from the table and give them your credit card and tell them simply to ring up the bill with a tip of “X” and that you’ll sign it when you leave - again AWAY from the table.
I’ve always felt that dealing with the check at the table for a special event like this is in very poor taste.
While we’re at it, let’s discuss -deliveries-, or that magic panacea of manchildren: pizza!
I know that it is always in your (and their) best interest to tip the pizza guy at least two dollars per $15 worth of order, but…
What about those nights when you’re in a roleplaying group (cough) and one of the SO LONELY powergamers takes a break from RPing their buxom elf-succubus and decide to kick in for pizza? Now, manchildren aren’t known for their stuffed wallets, so, usually, we have to scrape around the house for every salt-encrusted penny in the 35 minutes before the pizza comes. And we usually barely have enough.
Would it be okay to skimp on tipping just this once? Not to sound more like a dork, but, I don’t know if you tip just to cut a guy some slack or it’s considered part of the ‘deal’. Because when we have to raid the dusty coin jar in the attic for some extra nickles, I think that it’s us who needs a break. 
Does anyone remember the bit on Saturday Night Live by Fr. Guido Sarducci?
I think the premise was that the Vatican was having a clearance sale, and he had picked up the bill for the Last Brunch. It had twelve orders of lox and bagels and one order of soft-boiled egg and tea. Then Fr. Sarducci notes that, on the back, they had divided the total by thirteen. “The guy that ordered the egg and tea got screwed!” 
The moral: When eating in a group, pick the most expensive item. That’s the biblical lesson!
No. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to be ordering pizza.
This would be a great idea if it worked. Unfortunately, what I’ve seen happen is that people will scoot out before the check comes and forget to leave enough cash. Once, I was out with a big group and two people left early. They’d each had at least two beers with their burgers, and they left $30. That barely covered their food, not to mention tax and tip. Not ok.
Years ago I was part of a science fiction club that met once a month on a Saturday afternoon; after the meeting 10-15 of us would go to a nearby pizza place for supper. Some of us would split pizzas, some would order sandwiches or side orders, we’d usually get several pitchers of Coke and one or two would order alcoholic drinks. We always left it on a single check, but often had a problem with people who would leave early and not leave enough money, so those of us who stayed until the check came ended up covering the shortage. The situation finally got resolved when one of the computer geeks in the group wrote a program for his HP-whatever which let him enter whatever was ordered; it automatically divided up the split pizzas and kept a running total of what everybody owed, including tax and tip.
Worked like a charm, until the place got tired of us taking up so much space for three hours on a Saturday night and refused to take our reservation. Interestingly enough, the excuse they gave was that we had shorted the check the previous month; we had actually had excess money and left a rather generous tip.
I realized the other day that I really do judge people by how they deal with checks. My friends and I go out to eat at least weekly- often quite more (we are all complete foodies). We are pretty much all college students on a tight budget, so we consider dining out to be our one allowable extravagance. Over the years, we’ve developed quite a ritual for paying for things, and I realized that I (at least partially unfairly) look down on people who don’t do things the way we do. Here’s how it goes:
First off, before you order, you state your circumstances. If you don’t have much money, say “I’ve only got three bucks” now. Chances are someone will say “It’s okay, I’ll spot you a burger”. Just don’t do that every time. If no one can afford to help you get a full meal, they’ll say something like “You can share my fries” or “a side of pasta is only $2.00”. In any case, as long as any strict limitiations are stated before hand, it will be worked out that you won’t have to pay more than that exact amount. This method allows people a chance to show their generousity and also prevents resentment when the bill comes and you are not able to act generously.
Likewise, if you are planning on ordering a lot of stuff, say something like “I’ve got a fresh twenty in my wallet, so I’m gonna go nuts and order half the menu”. This serves as a warning that the bill is going to be pretty high, but you are willing to pick up your share.
When the bill comes, everyone looks at the bill, and then throws the amount of money that they think they owe in the center of the pile. This doesn’t mean looking at the check and counting pennies (something which is never appropriate) but rather estimating how much you owe, and then adding a few dollars extra.
Then someone counts up the money, and if it is over (which is always is, because you are supposed to throw in a bit extra) they ask “We are five dollars over- does anyone feel like they paid too much”. People who feel like they paid too much reach in and take a buck or two. People who are feeling generous leave it alone. This allows the people that truely do have to watch every dollar to do so without it seeming like they are spitting hairs while also providing a buffer to make sure that unexpected things get paid for.
Then we figure out a tip (which is always really generous, because if you can afford to eat out, you can afford to tip) and contribute equally to it, and then any unclaimed leftover money gets put into it, too. We always tip big, even if we ordered small, because it isn’t the wait staff’s fault if we are acting like cheapskates.
Our method works out pretty well for letting groups of people on tight budgets eat out together without getting petty about things. Eating out is our extravagance, and if we can possibly afford to, this is the one time we will act extravagantly, but if you are having hard times, we’ll work it out so you can be included, too.
But not everyone gets it. We recently had a guest insist that the waitress get a menu so he could double check the price of everything. A week later, we had a guy that said “My sandwich was four seventy-five and I put in five dollars!” when we came up short. We covered for him, but really if you are going out, prepare to spend a bit more than the amount you planned to. It happens. Deal with it or else explain to other before the bill comes why you may not be able to be generous or even cover your share.
why dont you just go pick the thing up from the shop? no delivery fee and no tip required.
Hmmm…it’s easier to just eat alone.
That’s my favorite way anyway, except with family, in which case, it’s simply picked up by only one person. Heh
But, then again, I’m a loner. Hehe
I wish the entire world would understand this. I was recently invited to a birthday dinner by a very old friend of mine. We went to a restaurant where we would receive a discount because her sister worked for the parent company. When the bill came, her father paid it as I thought he should. As we were all going our separate ways, I made sure to thank him for dinner. He said “You’re welcome, but could you give me ten dollars and the rest can be yours?”
Yes, the rest. Since I had water and an $8.50 entree.
I would no more invite people to dinner (or allow my daughter to do so) and then expect them to pay their own way. That is the last time I go to dinner with them.
What, no one’s mentioned bistromathematics?