How To Get My Dead Ass To Germany

[Quasimodem]

I have asked my dear friends Stefan and Peter if they would throw my ashes into the Rhein upon my demise, and they have agreed, but in writing instructions I am not sure of how to ship my dusty German Arsch over there. I am still very much alive ‘n kickin’ , but I was wondering: UPS, USPS, FED-X… What and How? And how is such a thing managed with the least amount of Schreck (shock) at the doorstep of the recipient? Will they call first and say , “Ve haff diss guy in a big Char to deliffer. Pleaze be rrrreaddy, senk you!”, or what?

In all seriousness, (as much as I am capable of, anyway) I really need some help to arrange this, if y’all can help the ol’ southern German Boy!

Thanks

Quasi

[evilhanz]

On simple method is to have your relatives arrange delivery of your ashes through the German Consulate. No matter how it’s done, human remains are subject to various import restrictions. For Germany they are as follows:

1.3.5. Human remains

Certificate of Burial from the officials of the cementary where burial will take place. For the application are needed: Death Certificate and ”Leichenpass” (from a competent authority at the place of death or from a Greman Diplomatic representation) stating name and age of deceased and place, date, and cause of death. For ashes a Death Certificate and a Cremation Certificate from the competent authorities at place of death and/or cremation.

Note
In case the Death Certificate has not been issued by a German Representation, a legalized Translation into German has to be presented to the Customs Authorities in Germany.

Packing: the waterproof outer coffin (hermetically closed, metal binded, the walls must have a thickness of at least 2.4 cms and fastened by screws at 20 cms intervals) must contain a metal immovable inner coffin bottom, which is covered with a 5 cms thick layer of an acid resisting substance(peat,sawdust, etc.) mixed with an antiseptic. When any contagious disease is the cause of death, corpse must be enveloped in antiseptic linen.