The later part of that makes me positively stabby. If your emergency lights are on, I expect it’s an emergency, and I tend to feel “I didn’t feel like parking in the lot when I went in for 10-15 items” isn’t a freakin’ emergency!
My only beef with the OP is that it is overly polite.
Since aisle blockers have been covered, I’ve got one more - bagging. My local Safeway is good about getting baggers to the checkout aisle, but if they are short it is really okay to bag some of your own groceries to not slow down the people behind you. It does not demean your standing in society in any way. If you are too stupid or incompetent to put some groceries in a bag, fine. Otherwise, get over yourself.
Another one:
two physical objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time
This means you, the big displays set at alley crossings, the people walking on their right, etc. It’s a supermarket, not the fairgrounds, and they’re carts not bumper cars!
+1
I hate people who can’t be bothered to corral or return their cart.
Okay, let me add one from the the other side of the register tho: I don’t need every fucking item to have it’s own goddamn bag. If it’ll all fit in one bag, just gimme one fucking bag.
And no, I don’t care if it’s a non-food item in with food items. That roll of paper towels or container of Windex isn’t going to contaminate the fucking box of cookies. Just put it all in the bag and lemme get outta there without more of those shitty plastic bags than I need.
(Sorry, but I don’t always bring my own bags to the store. Sometimes, but not all the time. And yes I recycle the plastic ones regularly.)
Is it okay for me to park my cart in the middle of the aisle, preventing anyone from going around me, while I examine what’s on the shelves?
Only while you phone a friend for a discussion on the items on the shelf.
And only if said phone discussion includes the loudly-shouted phrase “but do you want the wipes or the suppositories?” <- actually witnessed this, no lie.
I worked at a local grocery store in high school. My biggest complaints were always the thieves. One time a lady had a newspaper spread out in the top of the shopping cart, and underneath was some VERY expensive beef (think filet mignons). The cashier had a great eye and lifted up the paper. Lo and behold! The lady claimed to have forgotten they were there, and magically decided she didn’t want them anymore. :rolleyes:
Another whine: I was shopping recently, and the line got held up for 5 minutes while a clueless idiot kept trying to use the same card over and over again. Then we all had to wait while he argued with the cashier, and called his bank to verify whether he was trying to pay with a credit card (which that store does not accept) or a debit card. Naturally, it was a credit card.
This is a rant I can get behind. I worked at a grocery store for a little over a year, which was a little over a year too long. I used to make little comics about the trials and tribulations of a minimum wage cashier to express how much I disliked working there. especially agree with the remembering the money part. I’d like to add a few more:
-Bathe before coming to shop. I really don’t want to smell a person reeking of B.O, cigarette smoke, pot, or alcohol for five minutes straight as I ring them up.
-Be quick with your transaction. Not that I’m sure anybody on the Dope has a problem with this, where I work people seem so lonely and desperate for social interaction that they’d talk my ear off for hours if I’d let them. I’ve had at least two people talk to me for 20 minutes STRAIGHT when I let them (luckily in these cases we weren’t busy.) Other people in the line get huffy, and understandably so.
-Poop belongs in the toilet. Not on the store floors. Thank you.
-Please don’t yell at me about the high prices of items. I am not in charge of that. I think we’re lucky that food is relatively cheap still, compared to other countries.
-Do not hit on me. I especially don’t like lines such as “You’re very pretty. I bet you got like two kids, don’t you?” or “So I see you ain’t got no wedding ring…”
-Control your kids. Do not encourage them to ride around on the motor scooters, doing laps around the store as you talk to your friend about how cool your kid is.
-Store your cards/money somewhere else besides your boobs. I really don’t like touching boob money, especially when it’s sweaty summer boob money.
-Do not forget your money/debit card/WIC/food stamps. Do not get angry at me that your WIC or food stamps didn’t renew last night like you thought. I dislike having to put those groceries away as much as you dislike not being able to purchase them.
Looking back on this makes me glad I got out of the place! 
There is somewhat of a hierarchy at Kroger here, in that you usually start off as a cashier (girls 18+) or bagger (boys, girls under 18) unless a specific position is open somewhere else. Usually they tend to move the baggers around to those slots such as dairy, produce, and frozen. That was skipped during a mass hiring for the new bakery/deli, but the former tends to be the pattern. It’s all lateral, no change in pay for a new position, potentially some more hours but that’s all.
Going up the ladder could take years or decades since it’s all based on seniority. You have to essentially wait for somebody to retire (it’s impossible to get fired) until a spot opens and even then, it’s immediately filled by the person with the next highest seniority. Not the best setup for that place, gives new people little incentive to put in effort when they know they’ll never get a shot at something better.
I don’t care in all cases, but I really, really loathe when baggers/cashiers put the raw meat in the same bag as my to-be-consumed-raw fruit. It’s really unnerving.
Anyway, while I’ve never been a cashier I HATE people who decide to shop at the cash register. They pick up a bunch of crap, then the total comes up, and then they decide to triage and decide what they do and do not need. I can understand you misadd sometimes and need to put an item back, but these people come 50 bucks over and hem and haw about “oh, I guess I can give up <x>” for about 10 items until the total comes down to something they can afford.
+1
You’re supposed to BE SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD OVER THE INANITY OF HUMANKIND AND WISH DEATH ON THEM BY STICKING SPORKS IN THEIR EYE SOCKETS! Or something else to that effect 
Note to Self: break stuff (not liquids) at the register so I can “clean it up” into my shopping bad and not pay.
Note to OP: if you have almost flattened lots of kids with your forklift, you haven’t been properly trained. Didn’t they tell about the “special” cleanup materials?
Yeah, caustic lye is very good at dissolving bones into goo. Plus it leaves tile floor sparkling clean! Then you just throw down that pink sawdust stuff and sweep them up.
As a woman who uses a purse with a wallet in it, no, it’s not more convenient. I’d rather put the bills away first, and then open my change compartment and put away the coins. Since just about everything is gonna have some sales tax on it, I will usually not be able to guess how many and which coins I will need, and I don’t like to stand there, holding up the line, while I dig 96 cents out of the change compartment. I might dig out a SINGLE penny, but otherwise, if I’m paying cash, it’s with bills, and all the change goes in the compartment (or into my right pocket) and then into the wine jug at home. If there’s no one behind me in line, then yeah, I might dig out the exact change. Otherwise, I’m going to assume that everyone behind me would prefer to get out of the store as quickly as possible, and do my best to get checked out as quickly as possible.
So, on the rare occasions that I pay with cash, I want my coins in my hand first, and then the bills and receipt. And I prefer the receipt to ONLY be a receipt, no coupons or ads or contest entries.
Overall a ten.
Mind if I add something?
If you’re GOING to pay for a hundred dollars worth of items in change, please do the people behind you as well as the cashier a favor and either roll it before go shopping or take it to the bank and exchange it for paper money. NOBODY likes it when you stand there counting out a hundred dollars in unrolled pennies. NOBODY. And chances are the cashier’s manager is going to be pissed at the cashier for having so much change in their drawer (I had several managers that were that way). Just because you CAN pay with a gallon sized ziploc baggie stuffed with pennies doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Personally, I’m with you on that one, but having worked retail now all I can say is you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If give the change first then the bills a certain percentage of people are going to go apeshit over it. There is no way to hand back the change that won’t piss someone off.
Another thing: please make sure you leave with what you came with. We’ve had people leave all manner of things behind them, like keys, phones, and credit cards. When we can we reunite the stuff with the owners. When we can’t… well, I will call the credit card company and report the card as lost but not everyone will.
Can we sticky this as a “how to Pit” thread?
While I agree with the OP’s rant 100% I want to add a little “other side” rant of my own.
My local grocery store was just refurbished, the grand reopening was the 28th. I deliberately avoided reopening day but stopped in yesterday to pick up a few things and check out the new setup. Holy hell people WHY would you design every corner to be completely blind and then have your staff racing around them like it’s a NASCAR track. I almost ran over/was run over by 4 different staff members while buying milk, diet coke and a few produce items. This was not a long visit.
Every single endcap was flared out in some way to make turning the corners difficult and impossible to see around. This store had narrow aisles to start with as it has limited space but this was just insanity. I will probably keep shopping there for quick pickup runs since it’s just a couple blocks from home but I think the shiny clean huge aisles of the Superstore that I shopped at while they were closed has taken me away from them for most regular shopping trips now.
We’ve got two discount grocery stores we hit up (Aldi and Save-A-Lot) - both take a quarter to get your cart, refunded when you put it back. Everybody returns their cart to that quarter back.
I’m surprised WalMart hasn’t instituted this - they could get rid of their parking lot cart jockeys. Given the size of the average WalMart lot and the size of many WalMart shoppers, it could even be money earner for them (or the enterprising person who gathers them up (ala The Terminal)).