Woo-hoo Information!
Don’t ignore it-it won’t just go away-but ignore HIM, and do not ever give him any response.
And you have my phone number if you ever want to talk.
Oh, and as a hijack-Matthew Ridgeway used to LIVE around here. I don’t know-did he die recently?
He lived in Fox Chapel-my 11th grade history teacher tried several times to get him to speak to one of his classes-but he always declined.
The “Stalker” Responds:
I’d like to thank a certain someone for showing me this. (I stopped coming here and wouldn’t have seen this on my own.)
Oh, and I’m not a stalker, you know.
The Background:
I’m not some random person who barely knows Kathryn. We met here, and it’s worth noting our friendship started when she e-mailed me (not vice versa). Kathryn and I were VERY close friends for almost a
year. We exchanged hundreds of e-mails, talked on the phone several times a week, often for over 4 hours, sometimes over 8 hours. We exchanged Christmas gifts. I exchanged e-mails with her mother, for goodness sake. Don’t take my word for it, search her posts or mine: you’ll see us interacting regularly from, say, 6/00 to 2/01. Once, we even drew the ire of other posters for playing “kissy face” too often.
Unhappily, a delightful friendship turned sour. After we’d been extremely close for a fairly long time, Kathryn abruptly decided she didn’t trust me, even though when I asked her what I did, and what I could do to set things right, she couldn’t give me an answer. Eventually, this destroyed our relationship (BTW, if it sounds like I’m trying to blame her, I’m not. It’s fair to say that I’m as much to blame). We both said unkind, cruel, things to each other. Not pretty.
For my part, I quickly repented my role in what happened. Within a month, I tried to reconcile with her. No dice. I stopped posting here, mostly to let things cool off, that maybe she’d find it easier to forgive and forget if I left for a while. (I’d been here just as long as her, had made just as many posts. I was just as “into” the SDMB as she was. It wasn’t easy to do, but if it might help…)
So I stayed away from here. I read her livejournal and rooted for her from a distance. I felt for her when her old relationship died last summer, and I was genuinely happy to read that her life had taken a better turn. Happy again when she found a new boyfriend. When I thought the time was right, I sent her a few friendly, supportive comments. Partly in an attempt to re-establish a friendship, partly
to wish her well and partly to make peace, friendship or no. It’s embarrassing to admit this now, but I thought Kathryn herself might have some regret about what happened. Sadly, I was much mistaken.
Maybe it was naïve to think her attitude had changed. But the Kathryn I knew was a forgiving person. I remembered her telling me once that she “couldn’t imagine us not being friends”. I thought the passage of several months might have changed her outlook. Finally, I felt that now that she had a new boyfriend, it might have eliminated a concern that she once had about me: that I might not be willing to settle for being “just” a friend if she found an SO. The time seemed right to make an overture, so I wrote what I hoped was a supportive, affectionate and positive (if long) letter to her. I had faith in her “high horse mentality mindset”, as she calls it. I hoped she’d read the actual words, react to what was said, and not have a knee jerk reaction to who said it. I believed there was a chance it might do some good.
I’m genuinely sorry about her reaction, but what I said came from the heart and came from someone who knew her well. Apparently, not well enough. But there’s nothing in what I said that smacks of threats or danger. Judge for yourself: http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=15478929&nc=3
I had NO intention of offending or scaring her. I knew it wasn’t a slam-dunk that she’d be amenable to being friendly, but I didn’t expect this reaction. Apparently, Kathryn, you are absolutely determined to take everything I say and do the wrong way. This saddens me, and so I won’t try to smooth things over any more.
No, I won’t lash out at you. Before you’d even ended the friendship, you were sure I was going to “avenge” myself upon you (re-read own your May livejournal entries). If I’d sought to strike at you, I could have opened my own livejournal and start ripping on you. I had your mother’s e-mail address and could have forwarded her the short story porn you wrote and sent me. Or I could have sent her a link to posts here that I suspect you’d rather her not see. Either would have made for interesting conversation at the Everett dinner table, I suspect. I could have done any number of things.
You’re smarter than me, Kathryn, and I ask you: why haven’t I? I’ll tell you. BECAUSE I NEVER INTENDED TO. Maybe you truly feared I meant ill to you. YOU WERE WRONG. I don’t know where you got the idea that I was not to be trusted, was a secret enemy and was just waiting for the opportunity to injure you. You can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no other shoe. If it makes you feel safe to prepare for some sort of attack from me, do so. I hope you’re happy, safe and secure. I’ve never wished anything else for you and if I could have foreseen that my gesture would make you unhappy, I’d never have made it. But you wait in vain for an attack that will never come.
You are one of the kindest people I ever met. Some day I believe you’ll see the truth in what I say in this post. Should that day ever come, and if you feel remorse, know this: I put aside my anger some time ago. The livejournal comment was merely my (admittedly clumsy) attempt to show you that. “Escalation”, indeed.
The Apology:
Kathryn, I apologize to you. I apologize for alarming or offending you with my comment to your livejournal. I meant nothing but good to come of that, didn’t mean to cause you hurt or worry. It won’t happen again. Moreover, I apologize for the harsh words when our friendship died. I was deeply hurt (in fact, I’ve never regretted losing a friendship more in my 35 years of life) and I think you know that. But that’s no excuse, and I apologize for the pain, heartache and embarrassment I brought upon you. You were my dearest friend here, and deserved better. Period. My apology is without reserve or condition. And I neither expect nor want one from you.
I would also like to thank you for being my friend for as long as you were. You were one of the brightest lights in my galaxy of friends, and I mourn the loss of that light.
To everyone reading this. I’m sorry about all this, and sorry to involve you. Had I known Kathryn would react as she did, I’d never have made the overture. No one is in any danger here. This is a misunderstanding between two former friends, nothing more. I don’t
mean Kathryn—or anyone—any harm. I NEVER did. (Oh, and I don’t even know HOW to hack. It was Kathryn who had to tell me what “ICQ” was.)
The Goodbye:
I’m done posting here. Whatever affection or kind treatment I may have merited, I wish vested in Kathryn, my favorite. I won’t contact her again, but hopefully she won’t take umbrage to my secretly rooting for her. I’ve told her she has greatness within her, and if I hear she fulfills this greatness, I’ll smile. A smile shadowed with regret and loss, but a sincere smile nonetheless.
I wish all of you (and one above all), nothing but the very best in life. Health, happiness and inner peace always.
Much love.
[Surname removed by TubaDiva; don’t post real life information on the board!]
[Edited by TubaDiva on 11-21-2001 at 11:50 PM]
This just in:
Melodrama appears to make the Baby Jesus Weep. More at 11.
Mr. C, in all seriousness, cool it. As jumbled as the last months seem to have been for all involved, I think this deserves at least a bit of seriousness.
With any luck, this will be the end, and everyone will be able to move along. DRY, best wishes in all you do, and Medea’s Child, I’ll join you in hoping that he keeps his promise, and really can let it go.
This is a situation involving two people . . . and it should STAY with those people.
It’s really bad behavior to drag the rest of us into this.
In the future if you have a problem between you, take it somewhere else but NOT on this board.
I’m closing this thread.
your humble TubaDiva
Administrator