If you can get someone to plow your land for $5.50 an hour, that’s probably the way to go. I don’t know how deep the little monsters go, but plowing up the top couple feet would have to make them consider moving somewhere else. Follow the plow with a roller and at least the horses would be safe for a while.
Hmm. some very good ideas here! Something especially appeals to me about the idea that Juicy Fruit could be the secret Achilles Heel to the Evil Groundhog Empire. It’s just like the end of Independence Day. The President says “Juicy Fruit! That’s their weakness! Get on the radio and get the word out.” Cut to Will Smith dragging a giant Groundhog across the desert in his parachute.
The winter has been warm and there is groundhog activity out there. I will try both the wrapped and unwrapped varieties of Juicy Fruit and report back on results in one week.
As for staking out the corpses as a warning, well, I am already known as somewhat eccentric by my neighbors (having moved to the country from NYC 6 years ago.) but that might be pushing it.
Leaving dead carrion rotting in the fields brings another problem:
PTERODACTYLS!!!
Oh sure the neighbors call them Turkey Vultures and say they are harmless, but you and I know better.
These giant winged creatures sense the rotting corpse of a groundhog (or any other creature for that matter,)and magically appear from nowhere to consume it. Then they disappear without a trace.
My theory is that somehow Pterodactyls from the Jurrassic period have the ability to sense the death of a creature in the future. They then travel through time, consume the corpse and return back to the Jurrassic period. I know this is true because there is no other way something that Big and Ugly could remain hidden 99% of the time yet still be keeping an eye on the fields for the occasional carcass. Therefore, (and try to follow my immutable logic here) they must be travelling through time. I have seen these things at relatively close range and believe me THAT AIN"T NO $%@*iING BIRD!!! Therefore they must be Pterodactyls.
I think I’ve gotten off the point here, but I hope that you will agree with me when I say that as much as I would enjoy Staking out The corpses of my slain Varmint Nemesi (Nemesisses?)the Constant Pterodactyl Threat makes it too much of a risk. They might mistake a napping horse for Big’un and carry it off or something.
I can’t believe that there is a website which will actually sell me Strychnine coated seeds over the internet! They are cheap too! Perhaps I will store them in the spice rack. “Gee honey these meatballs sure are good what’s the secret?”
Funneefarmer. Seriously. Thank you very much for the workable ideas. I will post results when I have them.
Any others are always welcome as it is always best to explore all possibilites before entering into combat.
“Heeeere Gopher Gopher Gopher. Niiice Gopher. I brought you some Juicy Fruit! Heh . Heh. Heh.”
Oh another piece of information I have accumulated on Groundhog behavioral patterns is as follows:
If you mess around with there holes they seem to know and use or create another entrance/exit. I hypothesized this from my experiments with snares and deadfalls (which along with a Spudzooka I learned how to make on the internet. )
As I’ve mentioned groundhogs are pretty paranoid by nature, and I suspect they will distrust the Strychnine coated seeds. I hope there is something about Juicy Fruit that Drives them wild so they can’t resist it! Wrigley could use that in a commercial. “Out of Varmints that chew gum four out of five surveyed prefer Juicy Fruit!”
A link provided by Funneefarmer tells a really great strategy for shooting groundhogs. When they see you they run for their hole, dive down it, turn around and stick their nose out to see where you are. THIS is the moment to shoot them.
I can’t wait to try it.
Have you been licensed yet by the government of the United Nations to hunt gophers?
Grubs are eaten by moles. You treat the lawn to kill the grubs the moles ate. Moles leave the raised areas in your lawn.
Mipsman:
No. I do not posess a license from the United Nations to kill gophers. Curiously neither they nor Amnesty International appear to be to concerned with the inhumane treatment of Groundhogs. That is probably because Groundhogs are not human.
THis is an oversight which you may wish to correct. I suggest you contact both agencies and lobby for more stringent Varmint exterminator controls.
For the record, I am in posession of a valid PA hunters license which provides me with the Godgiven right to indiscrimately murder groundhogs at any time I feel like doing so as long as I feel that they doing property damage or are in any other manner pissing me off. So There!
Phobia:
Moles???
I have to vote for calling the local County Extension Office or the State/County Agricultural Bureau. Either of them should be able to point you towards methods of ridding yourself of these things, since that’s what those offices do, among other things (but you knew that). They might offera better way to use CO2, biological controls (like myxomatosis is used to control rabbits), trapping or whatever. Don’t tell me these things don’t work - tell them and see what they have to say about it.
“I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”
Al, don’t be so quick to dismiss the exhaust gas idea. We used it on prairie dogs back in Oklahoma and it worked. You can’t flood out the SOB’s because of the way they build their tunnels. But the various exhaust gasses get to all parts of the tunnel. The CO2 is heavier than air and goes to the low parts. CO is lighter than air and gets to the high rooms (where they hid and laughed at your water.) We plugged as many holes as possible to find, dropped a tube from the tractor exhaust into a hole, sealed around the tube as well as we could, then we rode around the area on horses. When one of the little bastards popped up, we shot it and then went and sealed the hole. Like I said it worked well on prairie dogs, it might be worth a try on woodchucks.
BTW I have noticed that gopher and groundhog have been used interchangeably here, they are not the same.
Sue from El Paso
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
AARRGGH!! I did change the name! The last post was from me, not Majormd…
Jophiel:
While I attempt to be homorous here, I do have a serious problem. The second thing I did after asking around locally was visit with my local Ag representitive whose receptionist handed me a general brochure about groundhogs and smokebombs and sent me on my way. They are much more interested in larger concerns than mine. Since I rent my fields out I have no say in what crops are grown, the crop insurance, the fertilization, or what pesticides are implemented. I do not buy farm equiptment nor need help in the financing thereof. I am a guy who walks in in his suit during lunch hour,who moved down here from NYC, and quite frankly they are not impressed with me or my dubious stature as a farmer to offer me any significant help. While my renters are very helpful and nice, and help maintain the fields, it is my responsibility to keep the fields clear of deadfall from the surrounding woods, and deal with the groundhogs with which I am plagued to an unusually large degree. Failure to do so results in less usable land for the farmers, and hence less rental income which I recieve, as well as danger to my horses, dogs and person.
I have used the Smokebombs to no observable effect whatsoever. The brand I used on several consecutive occasions was Hadagopher purchased at my local Agway. I followed the directions. Despite your request to the contrary I will tell you that they did not work. At all.
Myxomatosis which you allude to is a deadly disease of rabbits which is not completely understood, yet is nevertheless used as a pest control method against rabbits. Quite frankly it scares me, but has little bearing here as it is not contagious to groundhogs, nor is there any groundhog equivalent that I am aware of, (and I have looked.)
I have not been able to find anybody who knows anything about trapping groundhogs except for the reference to snares which I already made. As I mentioned, they seem to notice when their holes are disturbed, and just dig another one, avoiding the snare.
MajorMD AKA Pundit:
Hmmm. You raise an interesting point. Perhaps the poor effect of the smokebombs, led me to prematurely dismiss the notion of exhaust gasses in general. I am pretty sure that Gophers and Groundhogs are the same, I cite WWW.suite101.com/article.cfm/living_wildlife/20105 as an example where they specifically use both gopher, and groundhog to describe the North American Woodchuck Mormota Monax with which I am specifically plagued (then again, that wouldn’t be the first time a web-site was in error) What is the difference? Thanks for the good advice.
Note: I started this thread because I had exhausted the obvious solutions. I have received several excellent suggestions which I will try and then post the results for the curious.
I can’t wait to try the Juicy Fruit.
Likewise the advanced sniping techniques.
I will probably order some strychnine seeds on Monday.
I was hasty in my dismissal of exhaust gasses and need to give it an honest try instead of assuming it won’t work, because Smokebombs didn’t.
If you know of anything I’ve missed please let me know. Otherwise this should keep me busy.
Thanks for the help and watch out for the Pterodactyls!
From Comptons Online Encyclopedia:
Quite different than the groundhogs I was familiar with in Maryland. Groundhogs spend a lot of time above ground and are huge. Gophers are more like moles and voles – seldom are they seen above ground.
“You can be smart or pleasant. For years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant.”
Elwood P. Dowd
Al - I’ve nothing to add that will help you, but I much appreciate the fact that you’ve made your plight readable and entertaining.
Good luck in the war.
Cooper:
Thank you. If you can’t laugh about your problems what’s the sense in having them?
Pundit:
Clearly you are a man who does his research and you have offered me much help, but I s spent the last half hour drinking beer and surfing the net and have come up with the following conclusions: Gophers and Groundhogs seem to be used interchangeably all the time as othe rterms such as Whistle pigs, Ground, Grizzlies,Woodchucks, and those %^%# SOB’s.
Pocket gophers are something else entirely. They are small and wimpy looking and are not the fierce monsters I’ve been combatting.
What does this prove???
I have no idea, but we’re probably getting humg up over a minor point.
Even though I said “Gopher” not “Pocket Gopher,” I hereby concede the point, and will be more specific in my nomenclature in order to avoid confusion.
The only reason I brought it up is because you mentioned you had used Hadagopher poison bombs. If those things are designed to kill pocket gophers, they probably won’t have much affect on ground hogs.
I had never heard the term whistle pigs but freely admit that Ground Hog and Woodchuck are interchangeable, which brings up the age old question:
How much wood would a wood chuck hog if a ground hog could hog wood?
Clearly:
He would Gopher all that he could pocket.
I see why you raise the question, and while I don’t have a box of smokebombs here now I can assure you that Hadagopher was specifically designed for groundhogs. I don’t even think we have Pocket Gophers around here. Don’t they live in North Dakota or something?
Have you tried psychological warfare?
Put a boombox in their tunnel and blast them with Sex Pistols tunes, 24 hours a day. They’ll either move or commit suicide.
Barry Manilow would probably work faster, but you might get in trouble with the SPCA for that.
Alsmith, I sympathize with your plight. And I’ll point out to all other readers that the critters of which you speak are GROUNDHOGS, not gophers or prairie dogs or moles. These bastards can and occasionally do tip the scales at twenty pounds or more, and between a groundhog and his hole is NOT a recommended position to find yourself in.
As a VERY experienced ‘whistle-pig’ eradicator, I’ll share with you what I’ve learned over the years.
Gas bombs and other airborne poisons don’t do diddly, other than drain your finances and occupy your time. Ditto for gasoline down the hole and baiting with poisoned food. Filling a burrow with water is probably the best ‘non-violent’ approach, but the water level has to be maintained for hours, and even then, death of the 'hog is not likely; his hasty abandonment of his humble home is the more likely result.
Snakes!!! Any snake large enough and tough enough to handle one of these creatures is more apt to be dangerous to much larger prey, like your dog or the kid next door. Cats are completely useless, even against very young 'hogs, and I’ve only seen one dog – a HUGE German Shepherd – that could consistently best a groundhog. (He did it by ‘stealth’ instead of a face-to-face confrontation. It’s a long story…)
Crop selection is worth considering. Groundhogs are voracious vegetarians, but they are fairly selective, favoring greens, ESPECIALLY soybean plants. (Groundhogs travel for only two things, in my experience – sex and soybeans.) Other favorites include grassy plants – timothy and alfalfa, f’rinstance – and many garden vegetables. Corn, on the other hand, holds little attraction for groundhogs once it’s past the seedling stage.
But, in my experience, the direct VIOLENT approach is most effective. NOTHING works on a 'hog like the impact of a small bit of copper-clad lead traveling at hypersonic speeds.
And don’t dismiss the lowly .22! I have successfully send hundreds of these critters to ‘hog heaven’ with my dad’s old Winchester 290 autoloader at ranges up to 110 yards. I favor autoloaders at such close ranges because the sound of the bolt ejecting the spent casing and sliding home with a new cartridge gets lost in the crack of the shot. (Groundhogs, like most wild animals with excellent hearing, are less frightened by the sound of the shot from a rifle – which is not terribly unlike natural sounds, such as thunder – than they are by the ‘unnatural’ metallic racket of a rifle’s action.) Stealth and careful shot placement are absolute necessities, however.
For years, I used a beat-up Remington 788 in .222 Rem. caliber, mounted with a Bushnell 3-9x scope. Before taking it afield, I spent weeks experimenting with different handloads, and found one that the rifle liked – 5-shot, 100-yd. groups that I could cover with the tip of my index finger. With practice, I was able to score one-shot kills on groundhogs at ranges up to 330 yds. pretty consistently. In addition to accuracy, the caliber had the advantages of relatively low noise level and VERY mild recoil, mild enough that I was able to keep the ‘sight picture’ through the scope when shooting.
I like the suggestion of an earlier poster that you enlist the help of locals. I once had a pretty long list of farmers who would happily pay me $5 for every woodchuck tail I could produce from their fields. Those who raised horses and cattle were especially grateful!
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
Ok here is what you do: This has been tried before so I know it works.
You pass the word thoughout the groundhog community that you are taking all groundhogs to the movies and you are paying…also since they are nazi’s it might help to pass the word that it is a WW2 film. After you get all the GH’s in the movie then you buy them all popcorn. When they get thirsty from all the popcorn and get up to get a coke…you switch seats!
Then at first opportunity you sneak out of the theater and drive home!
Don’t bother thanking me its ok… 
“Ward, You’re upsetting the beaver.”
Barbara Billingsley
Wishing you all the best with the rodents from Hell but also thanking you for the best read I have had for months. Good luck!
Wishing you all the best with the rodents from Hell but also thanking you for the best read I have had for months. Good luck!