When my niece was in fourth or fifth grade, she wanted Heelys. (These are or were sneakers with a wheel embedded in the heel, so that if you lifted the front of your feet, you could roll around on them.) I bought them for her (being an indulgent uncle) but made her promise that she would not grow out of them. She didn’t keep that promise, but on the bright side, by the time she did grow out of them, her interest had waned and she didn’t want another pair.
“Want to fit in with your friends? Well how about if I JUST TAKE THOSE FRIENDS AWAY to make a petty point, Mister?”
Depends on the friends, doesn’t it? If in fourth grade he’s attracted to hanging out with a bunch of kids that are likely to be stealing cars at fourteen, then yes - by all means, do whatever you can to torpedo those “friendships.” If in fourth grade he’s attracted to hanging out with a bunch of kids that are going to be national merit scholars and model citizens - and the cost is branded clothing…suck it up and buy the stuff with the brand on it if it furthers the peer integration.
But if you truly want to raise non-consumerist kids, you need to set them up by choosing a non-consumerist community. i.e. Portland, Oregon is a better choice for community than Darien, Connecticut.
I kinda want to come to Canada and steal him, because he sounds awesome!
Missed the edit window–but by the way, I’m in Texas and lazy as hell, so no worries!
First, the tv should be in the parents’ bedroom, not in the living room. Second, teach the kid to read history. Third, no gadgets.
Absolutey. No tv, no computer, no phone, no video games and no wondering why the tyke is spending so much time at their friends houses and having sleepovers there every weekend.
Also make them read Shakespeare, in Latin, that’ll culture them up.
I think I’m losing my ability to detect sarcasm.
Yeah, I am not very fashion conscious and totally not brand conscious, but a plain grey sweatshirt sounds like a pretty disappointing Christmas gift even to me. That’s like giving the kid socks.
I’m kind of wondering if the OP’s son asked for a Puma sweatshirt for Christmas and the parents just didn’t pay any attention to the “Puma” part. I say this because growing up I received several Christmas/birthday gifts from my mother where she’d obviously only half-remembered what I said I’d wanted e.g. right band, wrong album, or even wrong band and wrong album but hey, it’s a CD with music on it!
One place to start is to teach kids the value of quality and not so much price or fashion. “What are you getting for your money?”
Quality goods that you actually use are far more cost effective than cheap goods that are not used.
I have a son who is a minimalist. I don’t know where he got it from. Three years ago he asked for an outrageously priced jacket for Christmas. Three years later he is proud that a jacket that he wears constantly looks almost new. I paid for quality and it was well worth it.
It’s not the number of presents you give, it’s the value and usefulness of what’s given. Maybe the Puma sweatshirt was worth it if it was high quality and the child will get maximum use out of it.
One thing you have to gauge is how well the child takes care of his possessions. Too much and they lose meaning and don’t care. Fewer things that demand care will teach a better lesson.
There is a GQ answer to the OP’s question. First, you need to watch the motion picture Dogtooth.
Once you’ve finished watching we can talk further.
Shakespeare? Latin? Am I being whooshed? My children only read sonnets written by me in Sumarian using our homemade ink (why buy it at a store when I can make it cheaper and better at home).
I like the idea of letting him save up his own money and buying the brand-name sweatshirt if he wants to. Not least because, by the time he has saved up the money and bought the brand name, something else will be cool and he will learn that chasing the fashion bubble is a never-ending process.
Don’t worry that your kids aren’t listening - worry that they are watching. Overall, it sounds like you are doing a good job modelling what is important and what isn’t. I wouldn’t try to talk him out of anything - more like “you want that? Good - you can have anything you want in life if you earn it”.
Keep in mind, however, that the above comes from someone who buys his clothes from Wal-Mart, and tends to the deer-in-the-headlights expression when his daughter says “daddy, you cannot wear that shirt with those pants unless you work in a circus”.
Regards,
Shodan, Who Considers Himself to Be the Acme of Fashion If Both Socks are Black
I hope you chop down your own trees to make your own paper. Because if you buy Gucci paper from the store I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
[spoiler]Damn! Look at these swag ass shoes. This is what you can get me for Christmas. And no excuses you have all year to save up.
I think the above posts that mention peer pressure have it right.
When I was growing up, I had basically the opposite attitude. I didn’t like clothes that had brands and logos on them. I just wanted plain things. The real issue was that I didn’t get along with anyone at my school, so I was trying to be some kind of proto-hipster outsider by turning up my nose at things the other kids liked.
So I agree with the thesis that the problem is based in social attitudes and peer pressure, which is entirely normal, rather than any particular failing of your child’s moral compass.
I have two very strong memories that relate to learning the value of money and branding.
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When I was 12, I begged and pleaded and wheedled my way into a trip to an outlet mall, where my mother dropped 50 or 60 bucks on a pair of Nike sneakers. This was a lot of money for us. This also happened to be the year that I was spending a lot of time volunteering in my synagogue’s new meditation garden, doing a lot of manual labor (in addition to all the normal 12-year-old things that kids do to their clothes and shoes). The damn things wore out before I turned 13. I never cared much about name brands after that.
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When I was much younger than that, I remember my dad telling me that he would take me out to buy an NES game! This was basically the holy grail of treats. Remember that when I was 12, 50 bucks was a lot of money. Well, when I was 12 we were much better off than I was 6 or 7. When I was 4 or so, we were straight-up poor. By this point, I think we had clambered up almost to lower-middle class. Anyway, we went to the mall and visited a few different stores. My dad tried, in much the same way as the OP, to explain to me in an adult manner why there’s no reason to buy the hot new release over a discounted, slightly older game. I don’t remember exactly how I acted, but I probably threw a fit and demanded the hot new game. My dad, very upset with me, took me home with nothing.
Of course, I realize as an adult that there’s no way in hell he could have afforded the new game I wanted. Back then, a brand-new game was still 50 bucks or more (a hundred bucks in 2015 dollars!). He was upset because he wanted to do something nice and extravagant for me and I responded like an entitled little shit.
But you know what? I’m a pretty frugal guy now. I spend well below my means and never make significant purchases without doing copious research. I’m like that because my parents are the same way.
I also don’t think I own a single piece of brand-name clothing that isn’t athletic equipment.
Good parenting is good parenting. Even if little kids are often entitled little shits.
Also, how has nobody commented on the post/username combo?
Are those Buscemi’s from Boardwalk? Man, those are some nice shoes. If I had the money, I’d buy them and wear them with my ratty jeans.
I’m still struggling with the notion that buying the poor kid a Puma sweatshirt will forever mark him as a slave to spendthrift hedonism and slavish adherence to fashion.
Especially when the parents just throw away money on professional sports team jerseys.
Or Star Wars shit. Oh, wait, that’s the *good * kind of fitting in.