I guess we will have to agree to disagree. Why don’t you just get kids’ clothes at Goodwill then? Why waste the money at Target or Kohl’s?
My parents would often make us kids hotdogs and baked beans for dinner, while they would eat something more grown-up and satisfying. They would have been within their rights to serve us something worse than beanie weenies, but they didn’t. Probably because they cared about making dinner halfway enjoyable for us.
A shopping spree at Target is an enjoyable experience for an average status-aware teenager, while not especially bankrupting. A shopping spree at Goodwill just isn’t the same.
It’s like you’re asking why not make the kids sleep on a cot, if you aren’t going to buy them a four-poster California king. It is possible to give a kid nice things without giving them the nicest things. And it’s totally fine telling a kid, “Hey, you want the nicest version of the nice thing I’m giving you? Nothing wrong with that. But you gotta work for it.”
My now adult two boys both went through that stage. Unless an item had the popular logo, team name or colors, etc., it was junk and not worth having. My hubs and I took a deep, cleansing breath or two, explained to the boys how ‘status items’ did nothing but make you indistinguishable from everyone else, all the while understanding that this was precisely the effect they wanted to achieve.
Having done our due diligence, we struck a compromise. We would contribute whatever amount we would normally spend on a jacket or pair of shoes. If the boys really wanted that logo item at the logo price, they were free to earn the difference and buy the item with their and our money combined. We came up with a list of chores and prices for same. They already both had paper routes and did some yard and shoveling work for an elderly neighbor for a bit of cash.
At first the kids worked liked demons to get those special shoes and jackets, but as time went by and they tried to keep up with the Joneses, they realized they were doing all this work and wasting all their money chasing something they could never really catch. At that point, it was over, the whole logo obsession. We still kept the chores list for when they wanted to save up for something, but it was no longer the obsessive chasing of the latest, greatest labeled item.
It also helped that hubs and I never bought into the name-brand-on-everything lifestyle either. It really didn’t matter a bit to either of us if we had logos on something or if we didn’t. We bought what we liked. And I think the kids eventually picked up on that, too.
I honestly don’t understand this at all. Not being snarky or whatever, I just don’t understand. I would never even think of making a nice porterhouse steak (or some similar nice meal) for myself and making my kids eats beans and weenies.
I don’t have kids, but I totally could see myself serving “kiddie meals”. A typical five-year-old would probably prefer a hot dog over a porterhouse steak, first of all. He doesn’t know that the steak is “better” than the hot dog. And secondly, if only a few luxuries can be enjoyed, why shouldn’t the bread-earner(s) get first dibs? Why should a sixteen-year-old feel entitled to a car that is just as good as what his parents drive? Why should a kid think she should have her turn sleeping in the master bedroom or having a laptop with all the bells and whistles as her parents’? There’s nothing wrong with letting them know early on that they have to do more than just exist to get the nicest things.
Well my kids don’t like hot dogs, and love a good porterhouse and they are 11 and 12. And if only a few luxuries can be enjoyed, I would rather my kids have them then myself.
However, you may have a point about a car. But I drive a Kia Rio, so if my kids want that, more power to them!
I totally do sometimes! We love thrift stores. In fact, at the moment I’m wearing nearly-new Dr. Martens that I paid $7.50 for at Goodwill, instead of $120 new. My son found the trench coat he was looking for at Thrift Town for $40 (which I was happy to pay for). Looked up the brand when we got home and it’s a $600 coat. So much fun to find a bargain! I’m not sure why you think shopping at Goodwill is a negative. Care to explain?
It’s not “making” the kids eat beans and weenies, it’s “letting” them. Seriously, most little kids don’t want steak. If the kid prefers hot dogs, why force steak on them just to be equal?
I agree with you and monstro.
My parents occasionally had a steak, but we kids wouldn’t have enjoyed that, so we got burgers or hot dogs.
It’s probably hard to generalize across different ages of kids. Sure, if my teen likes steak I’m not going to force him/her to eat ramen on steak night, but the whole family might end up with a less expensive cut than when kiddo was 5 and happy with chicken nuggets and Mom and Dad enjoyed Prime.
I’ve heard similar sentiments expressed before, and I don’t understand at all. A luxury to a kid simply isn’t the same as an adult one. You can take a typical kid to McDonald’s for a milkshake and absolutely blow their minds. What’s the value added in taking them to a place that serves $5 milkshakes? Isn’t that where you’d take a person when they’ve had enough of McDonald’s milkshakes?
Do you think a typical kid would feel unloved upon realizing that their parents don’t get their milkshakes from the same place they get theirs?
This conversation is reminding me of parents who buy their toddler’s Nike tennis shoes. I’m sure they would say they are only giving their kids the best, since they themselves only wear the best and thus it is only fair. But are they really doing this out of love? Their kid certainly isn’t being harmed, but if the kid doesn’t care–which no toddler ever does–then who are they doing it for?
It isn’t an either or thing. Sometimes I take my kids to nice restaurants and they can order what they wish. SOMETIMES we leave them home and they eat hot dogs. Sometimes their clothes come from Target (sometimes mine do as well), and sometimes they come from Nordstrom (and sometime mine do too).
However, its also important to draw the line - especially now that I have teenagers - between “mine” and “ours” and what the adults in the household have worked for and what the teenagers are given. Otherwise, my car would never be available for my own use. And if I believed they were entitled to the same quality my husband and I have, we’d need four nice cars - instead of one really nice car (my husbands), one nice car (mine) and a decent serviceable car for the teenagers to share.
Its really important, IMHO, not to accustom your kids to luxuries they may not be able to afford as adults - you do them no favors unless you are planning on continuing to support them to the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed. Its not bad to expose your kids to those luxuries, IMHO - i.e. go ahead and take them out for a nice meal or take them with you to Hawaii - but make sure they also know that socks don’t need to cost $12 a pair.
I don’t consider it a negative, simply cheaper than Target or Kohl’s.
My point is, if I’m going to a place with my kids and the restaurant has a $5 shake, and I want to get one, if my kids ask if they can have one, I’m not going to tell them “Nope, I’ll get you one from McDonald’s on the way home”
Well it seemed to me the example was Mom and Dad enjoyed a nice “adult” dinner, but the kids didn’t have a choice, they had to eat “kids food”
Help them develop good taste?
Maybe milkshakes isn’t the best example. But when I take my kids to a restaurant that has several interesting things on the real menu–and then a “kids’ menu” of chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, and hot dogs–I want them to at least know that they’re free to order from the real one.
But would a person be a bad parent if they told their kids they were limited to one of the $10 entrees, while ordering something a bit more expensive for themselves?
If I’m out shopping for shoes with a kid, and I tell the kid that he can pick out something that’s no more than $40 but I decide to get a pair for myself that are more than that, do I have some special splaining to do to the kid?
I don’t think I do.
For me, I used to HATE that when I was a kid. My parents would take me to Red Lobster and they would get good (relatively) steak and lobster, while I was stuck getting chicken or some other crappy not-as-expensive dinner.
If I hated that as a kid, why in the world would I subject MY kids to the same treatment?
If I made my kids get a crappy kids menu item like mac and cheese or nuggets, I wouldn’t even bother taking them to a restaurant.
Considering what my parents consider a nice steak, I would still be happy with the hot dog.
Well, it didn’t bother me as a kid. Simply going out to eat was a luxury, so everything else was gravy.
My folks would take us to Ryan’s Steakhouse, for instance. The kids would get the buffet, while they would order steak for themselves, plus the buffet. I was aware of the disparity, but not enough to have an emotion about it.
Afterwards, my mother would always remind us to thank our daddy for taking us out. We never thanked our parents when they cooked dinner for us at home, but going out for dinner was special. So no, it never bothered me that the person treating us to something special also treated himself. My parents were always giving us special treats. Why would we begrudge them of theirs, fer crying out loud?
I didn’t say nothing about mac and cheese and nuggets or whatever childish food you can name. This isn’t about food quality, but about simple economics. If I’ve got $60 bucks budgeted for a dining out experience and four mouths to feed, what’s the best way to handle everyone’s individual gimmes? Tell them they can order whatever they want and then embarrass the one who decides he wants shrimp and lobster? Or tell them they can order from the “sandwiches and burgers” column–which I know they will all enjoy just fine since I asked them beforehand what they were in the mood for–so that I can order one of the entrees, seeing how I don’t particularly want a sandwich or a burger.
The alternative is that I end up eating something I don’t want, so that only one of the kids gets to have shrimp and lobster while everyone else is wondering why they only get a measly burger.