How to split paying for a vacation

In My Humble Opinion
1

OK, this is a bit sticky and I’m hoping to find the best solution for an upcoming vacation. I’m going on a vacation with my boyfriend and his 3 kids (Ages 5,6, and 13) for about 12 days. Originally, we were thinking of going to China and all seemed well and good… the all-inclusive package included airfare, hotel, transportation and food all for about $2K a person. With this trip, it’s set up on a per person basis and we’d actually get two hotel rooms based on the way the tour is set up. Sweet. Well, after some research into traveling to China with kids, trepidation struck and things like “where are the kids going to eat outside of the big cities”" and “do we really need a prescription of Cipro just in case?” became worrisome ideas.

A shift was made in the planning and we decided to look into going to Europe. He traveled alone with his 3 kids last year to Europe (we weren’t dating then and we currently have seperate residences). Now, he wants to do it like he did last year. Fly into Amsterdam, rent a car, and drive around Germany, France, Italy, et al. Sounds good to me. The question is, since this is more of a free form trip and not the prix fixe like China was, how do we divide up the costs? Obviously, I take care of my own airfare and he pays for his and his kids. Food and tickets to attractions would be handled similarly. But what about hotel costs and car rental and gas? (Due to Europe being more expensive than China, getting two rooms might be cost prohibitive) What would be equitable?

2

Since you’re now going to Europe, and not China, here’s how I would divide up the not-so-clear-cut costs:

  1. Hotel costs: Are you sure it’s too expensive for you and your BF to stay in one room and the kids to stay in another? The cost of getting two rooms might not really be so prohibitive, if you decide you’re willing to stay in budget places–some of which, I’ve heard, are really pretty lovely.

If the cost of one room with kidlets is significantly higher than the cost of one room with just you and the BF, maybe it makes sense to divide up the costs on a per bed per night basis, rather than thinking of paying per room per night. If you’ve got 3 beds in one room, and you’re only taking up 1 of those beds, then it seems to me that you’d pay 1\3 of the hotel costs for the night.

  1. The car. Would there be a serious cost difference between renting a car for just you and your boyfriend as a couple and renting a car big enough for you, your BF, and the kids? If there is, it seems that you could divide up the cost of the car on a per-seat basis. If you take one seat, your BF takes the other, and the kids take the two seats in the back, then maybe you pay for 1 out of a total of 4 seats. The price difference between renting a larger car and renting a smaller one might be minimal, though. If that’s the case, then I’d just split it 50-50 with the BF. Would you consider avoiding having to face this issue by using a lot of public transport, where train or bus tickets can be treated like event tickets?

  2. Gas. I wouldn’t nickle and dime on this. I’d just split it down the middle, half for you and half for him. I mean, how would you account for gas spent transporting kids, but not you, if you’re sharing the car with them all the time, anyway? If you and your BF decide to go different places for a day or so, then the gas costs for the one person’s (or person + kidlets’) day trip are, of course, paid by the person using the car that day. How much driving would you really plan on doing in 12 days in Europe?

3

Good call on airfare, food, attractions. For hotel/car/etc. I would base it on comparing how much this trip would cost with the kids vs. without them. Plus a couple of other factors I’ll get to in a minute.

Hotel costs: I would pay for half the cost of one room, as though you and your boyfriend were sharing one room, whether you all share one room or get two rooms (you may find it difficult to find hotels in Europe that can accommodate 5 people in one hotel room, due to occupancy laws; might even be dicey in the US). Economical, clean, comfortable hotel rooms can be found in Europe, although I don’t know your income or budget and not sure what you consider prohibitive. (Prices may be higher in peak season, which usually coincides with when kids are out of school.)

Car: I would pay half the car costs. The car costs the same with or without kids. (The car will be expensive, BTW, if you take the collision insurance. Look into whether you or your BF have credit cards that include collision insurance abroad, because your car insurance company probably won’t. I spent two weeks in France with wife and two kids in August.) Gas will be around $6 a gallon, a little cheaper if you get a diesel.

Other factors:

This is your boyfriend, not a stranger with whom you are pooling resources, so you have to consider the nature of your relationship. You’ve been together for a year or so, so I would think you have some level of commitment there. Also, he is a single dad with three kids, and he deserves huge credit for planning to take them on a trip like this. For the sake of your relationship and as a gesture of partnership (even though they’re not your kids or even your stepchildren [yet]), I would not split hairs over how to divide expenses. Otherwise you’re all going to spend your whole trip splitting up dollars and cents instead of enjoying it, and I guarantee that there would be at least one focused tense moment on the issue.

Also, what is the income situation? If you both make about the same money, or if you make more, even more reason to go with a 50/50 split for these items. If he makes a lot more than you, then he should pay more for these items.

Whatever you do make sure you do your negotiations before leaving on the trip so there is not daily discussion about how to split expenses.

4

Is your relationship exclusive? Are you moving toward sharing your life together permanently? If the answer to either of these is ‘no’, then you should pay 1/5 of the car rental, hotel, etc. If you are in love and planning on living together, marrying, or anything remotely resembling serious relationship territory, split it down the middle (based on your respective incomes, of course).

5

Since I’ve just posted my response, it’s occurred to me that I’ve treated your vacation the way I’d treat a group vacation among adults (which is the only kind of joint travel I’ve done.) So I’m not so sure that my thoughts on this issue are worth considering, really.

How committed are you in this relationship? Is this more like a marriage, or more like a dating situation? Are you living together? Do you usually pool resources or keep things separate? Things like that will influence how you divide up the costs.

Whatever you and your BF decide, it would be a very, very good idea for both you and he to be as clear as possible on how you’re going to divide up the costs before you go. The last thing you’d want to do is spend time counting pennies on your vacation and getting into arguments over who owes what for that extra eclair or espresso.

Have a great time on your trip!

6

Reach some agreement about total % of miscellaneous expenses to be paid by you based on status of relationship, relative incomes, etc. Then keep all the receipts and divide the costs at the end of the trip instead of calculating the split every time along the way. This will work especially well if one of you has a credit card that can be dedicated to this purpose since it will keep track of the expenses for you. I’d hate to be on vacation and have to constantly be figuring out who owes who how much for last night’s room.

7

Thanks for all of the responses so far, they’re great. It’s an exclusive relationship and we’re building it for something bigger. He has a house and I still have my apartment but I spend most of my time over at his place. (It’s a big step that neither of us are ready to take yet to move in). We’ve got each others’ keys and that’s good enough.

In our relationship, we tend to split expenses. I’ll pick up dinner here and he’ll get it the next time. Or I booked the tickets for our NYC trip and he wrote me a check to reimburse me for the airfare. It’s always been even on things when the kids aren’t around. When the kids are there, he tends to pick up the dinner bill more than I do, but I also went out and bought them a GameCube with Mario’s Dance Dance Revolution. So, somewhere along the line, things are even and it’s a non-issue. Since this is going to be a relatively expensive trip, I wanted to get this all figured out ahead of time so we don’t have to compare receipts or have any resentment about such a small thing like money. As for who makes more etc, well, he makes more than I do, but he also has greater expenses and 3 kids to take care of too whereas my expenses are low and I’m just taking care of myself. So, in my opinion, it just kinda evens out.

I asked around the office today and some of the other responses not here were:
“I would pay 1/5 of the costs since I would be 1/5 of the user of the room/car/et al”
“I would pay 1/3 of the costs since the kids could be considered a 1/3, my bf 1/3, and I’d pay the last third.”
“He would pay for the hotels and I would pay for the car and gas”
“Get a 2nd hotel room for the adults and pay for that myself, split the car and gas 50/50”
I can kind of see value in all of these opinions and the ones above so I’m having a hard time sussing out which one is the best and fairest of them all. (So please keep 'em coming!)

8

You were planning on spending $2K for China, right? That was a fixed cost covering everything but your own souveniers and any incidentals like a ticket to the museum/show/touristy thing. So your original plan was two thousand plus (my own, non-collective) spending money.

I’d take the easy way out, talk about your projected expenses and find out if just giving him the $2K ahead of time and allowing him to handle everything is an option. Then neither of you are calculating percentages or worrying about it, you still take your own pocket money as you would have anyway and spend it as you please.

9

I’d do choice a. as suggested in your office because it most resembles your original plan and it would cost him almost the same thing as he paid last year when he took them to Europe. Less really because you’d be kicking in for the car.

“I would pay 1/5 of the costs since I would be 1/5 of the user of the room/car/et al”

10

I really think that you should talk it over with him.

If this is a big deal, then you have probably swapped keys with a wrong 'un.

Somehow I don’t think this is the case as he probably pulled the plug on China (a dodgy idea - especially if you know someone who spent a month in a Chinese hospital) and diverted things to a route that he knows - and can handle.

In some countries I’ve observed that the woman pays restaurant bills, that is an amusing diversion. A good case for a fungible wallet.

To be honest, when you bring the subject up, he’ll probably be slightly put out, and it is important that the kids don’t see any money ‘negotiations’.

11

Since it’s a love thing headed toward something bigger, here’s what I’d do…sit down and discuss it with him and toss out something along these lines: Pay for your own ticket, pay for either the hotel or the car (whichever is smaller, since you make less than him), and you can take responsibility for a couple of “special events” geared toward the children. That will let him (and them) know that they fit into your Big Picture.

Sounds like a great relationship. I agree that you wouldn’t want to weird it out by quibbling over pennies.

12

Last night we hashed the whole thing out. (I gave him the link to this too… Hey, Babe!) We talked about our concerns and what we both thought was fair and equitable and came up with a decision*. We decided to split the car 50/50 and to split the hotel with him paying 2/3 and I would pay 1/3. Everything else would be based on the per person where we’re responsible for our own stuff (tix, food, et al). I’m sure along the way I’ll pick up the tab for a dinner and he’ll get the admission tickets to a museum or some such as that’s the way we’ve always done it. It’s just these larger expenses that needed to get sorted out so no one is feeling too much of an unfair burden.

Thanks everyone for your help in this! We both liked all of the answers even when they didn’t support our position as it helped each other see the other person’s side a bit more subjectively.
*Decision can be revised at any point in time due to extraneous factors, greater or less expenses, or personal whims. Void in Utah. No purchase necessary but it does make it easier to get on the plane with a ticket.

13

What a great Straight Dope success story!! :slight_smile: