I have a friend who spends every penny he makes on video games and Yu-GI-OH cards. He also tends to borrow money from people, either to pay for his bills, or sometimes just get even more games and cards. He also doesn’t pay them back, sometimes he trys to pay them in games. He has had his phone shut off a few times because he stopped paying the bill. I distinctly remember one of the months his phone was shut off, he bought two 3DS systems and imported a bunch of ultra rare Yu-Gi-Oh cards from Japan. If he has anything left over he buys DVDs, which he never touches. He has a whole wall of DVDs, if he paid full price for them it must have cost at least $3-5k, and a lot of the DVDs are still sealed. He pirates all the movies he watches, but he still buys the DVDs, “just in case his mother wants them”. She never does, so they just gather dust in his wall rack. Not once has she wanted a DVD he bought.
I once fixed his computer, and he gave me a stack of old sports games, instead of giving me the money for the parts. I’m sorry but a 1TB hard drive is worth a lot more than Madden 2003.
Is there anything I can do about this? A mutual friend wants me to help him stage an intervention.
The best thing you can do for him is to not enable him. He needs to want to change before any change will happen. You and your friends need to stop giving him money and support. He needs to hit bottom and have an epiphany that rent and food is more important than games. As long as he can keep getting money from other people, he won’t change.
I wish I had something to add to what filmore said. I don’t. +1.
Perfect advice first time out of the gate. You don’t need an intervention with him, you need it with yourself and the rest of his friends. Stop giving him money.
Uh, what a jerk. I’m sorry. I hate pirates. And I don’t know if it’s worse or what that he’s buying all these DVDs. It’s because of people like him that I have to put up with all of the anti-piracy warnings on every damn thing.
How is he your friend anyway? What does he do for you? What does he do in the name of friendship? Is he fun to play video games with? Does he pirate those, too?
If friend is still living with mommy, I’d say you’re fighting a hopeless battle. filore is right. His support system needs to be cut off. But that ain’t gonna happen if mommy dearest continues to support him. Wash your hands and be done with him.
I’m not even sure why you’re friends with this guy. Is he a leftover from High School or something?
He sounds like he may have some OCD or hoarding type issues. If he were someone I cared about, I would certainly have a frank discussion with him about my concerns and might suggest some counseling or something, but yeah, ultimately, it will be up to him to make changes.
I like the idea of paying people with games, and hope it catches on. We need all the alternative currencies we can come up with.
Almost as good as paying people with small drawings one does on the fly on napkins.
But useless old crap games? Like I said, my payment for replacing his hard drive was Madden 2003. A game that is barely even worth the plastic it’s made out of now.
And you let him pay you this way. Why? Just because you’re friends with someone during a certain stage of your life doesn’t mean you have to remain friends forever. Lose his number. If your other friends give you a hard time about it, lose theirs too.
And when he handed it to you, did you say: “Hey, this isn’t right. I spend $x on that hard drive. I expect you to pay that.”
You’re never going to see someone change their behavior if you don’t at least tell them that their behavior is not acceptable.
When I was on match.com I was surprised how many women left their husbands because of compulsive gaming. They couldn’t even hold a job, shower, interact with the family. I would say if this is someone you care about an intervention just might be in order, it has the same effect on friends, family and the indvidual that other addictions have.
Before you do the intervention I would try to locate somewhere he could start receiving counseling. I tend to ride the thin edge with my own compulsions but have learned to keep my priorities first. Good luck and if he doesn’t agree to counseling then cut him off immediately and move on with your life.
People still play Yu-Gi-Oh?! Buy him a calendar and tell him it’s not 1998 anymore.
My thinking is that I can buy, say, 500 of these crap games in lots from Chinese wholesalers, prolly at $40 including shipping, then at my valuation of them as worth $5, each exchange them for food and clothing from confiding sellers.
It’s the essence of capitalism.
Also, he’s not a pirate bold if he buys the DVDs: the torrenting is merely adding the convenience of different formats for something one has bought. Which is the ancient justification for sharing, passed down through the ages.
Um, maybe don’t accept it then? You and your friends are the ones who needs the intervention.
It’s worse because he’s spending money he doesn’t have on something he won’t even use.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is to walk away.
Since mommy is still putting up with his crap, he will not freeze nor starve to death.
Your target is to remove all support short of life-saving.
Sadly this is true.
Another vote for this.
He might, just possibly, be worth the effort to intervene. But only after you all get your own minds right about what you’ve been doing to help him fail and how you’re now going to stop doing that cold turkey 100% with zero backsliding.
A hefty fraction of modern humanity is failing to thrive for one reason or another. The world will not be whit one better or worse whether he thrives, dies, or operates at whatever level of dysfunction in between. Spend your own life energy wisely.
Ok… you think an “intervention” is going to help here and that if you give this person with profound mental issues a good talking to, and love, and support he will change his ways?
You mutual friend wanting to stage the intervention is cuckoo for cocoa puffs. This card addict is not a normal person in the throes of an addiction this is someone with serious organic mental issues. It’s about the same as staging an intervention with someone who is bipolar. You’re and your friends are not going to cure, control or rehabilitate his issues that’s going to require (if he is willing and cooperative) professional help and quite probably medication.
As others noted you and your buddies need to cut off giving him money, and on that note I have to ask how he is getting money from you or anyone at this point? If this has been ongoing as long as you have indicated how in the world does he have any unburned bridges to get money from?