Later this week, I will be attending a dinner party being held for a *very *prominent person whose political views are diametrically opposed to mine. The host is my wife’s employer, whose views are naturally quite similar to those of the guest of honor. The event is politically important for my wife’s career, so I will definitely *not *be speaking truth to power, but will be keeping my mouth shut about political matters.
I don’t know how many people will be attending, or how much I will be in direct contact with these two, if at all. But if I do end up having face time with them, what can I safely talk about? The weather?
I’m considering researching them online and looking for any non-controversial interests, hobbies, etc., they may have, that I might be genuinely (or at least somewhat) interested in, and keeping the conversation there.
What experiences have you had, or advice can you offer, in this situation?
The weather? Your children? Politics? No, wait, not that. Uh, how lovely the party is? Things of note that happened locally? The slow corruption of gin-based cocktails by vodka?
This is why people talk about sports and celebrities. Or, failing that, that awesome new series on television. Usually, though, their favourite topic is themselves, and if you give them an opening, they’ll gladly fill it.
Sports, weather, that kind of thing. Lifehacker.com recently posted an article on having “exit strategies” for party conversations, things like needing to refresh a drink/throw something out/seeing someone across the room who you haven’t seen for a while, etc. Make up some plausible reasons for excusing yourself and use them as needed.
Really, why bother? In your situation I would gulp down whatever is left in my glass and say, “whoops! need a refill. Can I get anything for you?” as I’m walking toward the bar.
I know almost nothing about sports, except open-wheel auto racing (F1 and IndyCar). These are rather arcane areas that I wouldn’t expect them to know much about. (But you never know.)
My wife’s daughter did just have a baby, so that’s a possibility, although more perhaps of greater interest to the guest’s wife.
The guest of honor does not live in this area, and I’m very new here, so local events are not promising. I could talk about our experience moving from Baltimore to Las Vegas.
If I happen to have a chance to talk with either of them, I’d like to be polite and maintain a conversation for some time, and not just excuse myself and run off like a scared bunny.
Ask them about themselves. Holiday plans? How they like the place you’re celebrating at? Do they follow any sports? Do they have kids/grandkids? Buy anything good for Christmas?
People don’t want to hear about you. They want to talk about themselves. Excellent - let them!
Don’t talk about yourself at all. Ask a few neutral questions about them, and then say “I certainly don’t want to monopolize your time, I’m sure there are many people here who want to meet you! Have a safe trip back”.
Of course, you don’t have to mention that you’re not one of those people who is excited to meet him…
Does he have kids, though? People cannot shut the hell up about their kids or grandkids. And I’ll second idle holiday chatter. But if the “War on Christmas” comes up, suddenly realize your drink needs refilling and walk away.
I don’t have any good suggestions (at least what I would consider good), but make sure you google the area he lives in. Check the newsmedia in that area for interesting events. “I heard about that <big event> in <your area>. Sounds impressive! Nothing like that ever seems to happen around here!”
Home renovations. Unless they live in a brand new house and even then there’s ‘home renovations you wish you had time for’. Everyone’s unhappy with something.
And if said person tries to drag you into his/her area you disagree with there’s always, “I’ll pass on that subject.” or “I’ll think about what you said.” as you slither away,
I’ve found that there are polite ways to disagree without having to compromise your beliefs. In particular, it can sometimes help to identify what you do agree with. For example, liberals and conservatives differ greatly on what would help the poor… but fundamentally they both believe helping the poor is a desirable outcome. You might disagree on whether Obama is doing a good job, but surely you can both agree that the office of the President deserves a great deal of respect and that’s it a task which is made so difficult by the fact that you can’t please everyone.
But I’d be surprised if it even came up. My wife’s employers were always very different from us in politics, religion, etc. But when I attended holiday parties, we never talked about anything except how good the cookies were on the red plate, what our travel plans were for the holidays, etc. As the spouse, my job was to nod and make an effort to remember a few names. Nothing controversial ever came up at those holiday events.
Don’t sell yourself short honey. Just smile and shake that ass.
Really, it’s just small talk. He probably won’t care about you too much. Nod your head a lot. Make the appropriate noises. I recently had to spend almost 6 hours in a small room talking to a guy that killed his girlfriend. You can pretend to like a guy who’s politics you don’t like for a short time.
Alternatively you could use this as an opportunity to go as the anti-you. Espouse every opinion that runs contrary to what you believe. Whoop it, channelling everyone’s crotchety, survivalist, gun-toting Uncle Bubba.
