Stumbled across this thanks to another message board. Pretty funny, and I think that after reading the list, I should have become an engineer!
Some samples:
If you can’t be arsed to read all 70 (or more than about 3 for that matter)
I am satisfied with the BSc and being left-handed.
Bronze Swimming Certificate?
Bachelor of Science university degree
:smack: I didn’t realize what M Ellis meant until fierra’s reply.
It’s a UK degree.
- If you thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers
Sheesh. Anybody knows that the real heros were the guys who figured out how to cross-adapt the air filters using duct tape and an old sock.
Engineers are wilder than I thought. Or more gullible. 
If you never document any of your work.
If you prefer to patch your program using a hex-editor on the executable rather than edit the code and re-compile.
Chem and Process here:
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Your whole experimental apparatus is held together by duct tape since you can’t be bothered to get the proper gear, and would make Dr Victor Frankenstein say “ooh, isn’t that a bit dangerous?”
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“So, what happens when this overheats?” “Run.”
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You have exceeded the RDI for caffine four times this week.
Being an engineer married to an engineer, I can say that pillow talk can be, um, unique.
But the surest sign you’re an engineer: Whenever you eat out, you end up with a handful of note-and-sketch-covered paper napkins!
Well, my dad’s a (semi-retired) civil engineer.
We were watching The Matrix one night, and after the big lobby shoot-em-up scene, all he could say was “Man, those columns were made of some piss-poor concrete.”
I had to laugh out loud at that comment.
I raise your BSc with a SSc…
HA!!! Wow, does that bring back some memories. I had to work with a guy that would only write on napkins, I never got a real typed or hand-written (on lined paper) document from this guy. I would have to hide all the napkins he gave me so no one would accidentally put their coffee cup on his design specification. 
Jeez, nobody got the Red Dwarf reference? Good try tho.
If you’ve always wanted to drive a train.
If you’ve done a scientific analysis to prove that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Sly Smiley
You can tell the engineers by who is first to get to the left-over food from a meeting.
deb–who has been known to only buy lunch like once a week cause of the mooching she is able to do from left-overs
I once had a Saturday overtime assignment to spot clean the carpet in a big room that, through the week, held about 120 engineers. Only two of them were working Saturday. At 10:00am, I was treating a spot behind a desk leg. I heard one of the engineers say,“You win, Wendell! He’s cleaning your test spot !”
HAHAHAHAHAHa
Husband and I are both engineers. We are sooooo lucky. Taught our kids to use RPN calculators in grammar school. Poor daughter comes home crying because her teacher said her HP was not a scientific calculator (idiot teachers) so she couldn’t use it for math class. Our dinner conversation is always interesting (to us anyway).
Unfortunately our neighbors think we can fix anything. My favorite was a call to fix a floppy drive. I asked what the problem seemed to be. Answer “My two year old shoved peanut butter toast in the slot”.
I once sold a motorcycle to buy a calculator (HP 35–still works, used it yesterday).
But neither of us has even worn a watch for years and we have no star trek stuff.
But we are both clothing impared.
And finally we both graduated from the same engineering program as Gene Krantz. hehehehehe
And i thought this thread was about trains… :smack:
Scotcho
As a machinist, who was schooled as an engineer, and then decided that I actually wanted to MAKE stuff.
A real engineer gets his jolly’s by thinking a welded aluminum grab rail with ± .060 on all dimensions needs an EO for a vent hole (After some poor welder blew himself up of course) with a tolerance of ± .005 on location and +.003 -.001 on diameter. This was an ACTUAL Boeing part.
A real engineer thinks a .550 shaft ± .0005 should fit in a .551 ± .005 hole. Dimensions apply BEFORE finish, which by spec is .001 on both parts.
A real engineer has no problem putting the three datums defining surface A fifty thou off a straight line over 4 inches long… How the hell are you susposed to hold that?
A real engineer thinks its funny to make some schmuck like me machine 440c instead of 440f, even though the only real difference in properties is the machinability.
A real engineer will submit a drawing, sign off on it and then the next day attach 37 EOs (engineering orders for those not in the know, basically, its a woops we screwed up so we’re going to make your job harder by making sift through 50 pages of crap that the change the drawing your looking at) That change 90% of the dimensions on the print, the material, the tolerances, the finishes and then two weeks later add 15 more EOs that cancel the original ones and put in different dimensions, specs, etc… Basically I get a drawing that I have to figure out how you screwed it up by going through 50 pages of crap.
There area million more, but, I’d rather say I can make the stuff than spew out a bunch of formulas. I could honestly say it takes more engineering knowledge to make the junk an engineer designs than to engineer the parts to begin with.