How to use the drive-thru mailbox

The BBQ Pit
1

We’ve seen 'em, we use 'em…those big blue mailboxes outside the post office that let you deposit your mail from the convenience of your vehicle. Some people, however, seem mystified about how they work. So here are some pointers for those clueless legions. When you reach the box, you should:

  1. Have all mail pre-stamped, pre-addressed and in hand ready to mail.
  2. Deposit said mail into the aperature of that big scary-looking blue thing.
  3. LEAVE!!!

Don’t waste time double-checking that every letter is properly addressed to Aunt Twilly in Yahoo, Nebraska. You should have done that before you left the house, moron.

Don’t bother reading the pickup times listed on the box. The mail’s gonna take a week to get there no matter what time of day it is. Unless you’re sending DVDs back to Netflix, in which case it’s 2 weeks.

If you’re mailing 200 wedding invitations or something equally obnoxious, do us all a favor and GO INSIDE THE POST OFFICE to mail all that crap – or, better yet, tell your daughter you’re disowning her and will have nothing to do with that long-haired liberal freak she’s marrying.

If there’s more than one box and you’re confused about which one you’re supposed to use, here’s a hint…the BIG box is usually the right one. (I don’t know why they bother putting an Express Mail box in the drive-thru anyway, since all it does is slow people down!)

Do NOT just sit there like a moron. Nobody is going to change your oil, check your tires, or warn you that your rearview mirror is loose and they’re not responsible if it breaks off in the car wash. You’re not ordering a Big Mac, or a Whopper, or a Classic Double w/ cheese. Nobody is going to preach to you or sell you liquor or fill your prescription. No cute teenage girl on roller skates is going to ask you how many burger baskets you want. The movie is not going to start any time soon.

And for heaven’s sake, if the person behind you gets irritated at your slothful imbecility and starts honking his horn, do NOT merely give a dismissive wave and then drive 10 mph down the narrow street that leads out of there. This is Los Angeles – people have guns in their cars!

Thank you for listening, I hope this lesson has been instructive.

2

I thought the Porn Capital was Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys/Encino.

3

You live in Los Angeles, and you are going to Encino to make love to a model from Ohio for cash.

4

And why do they always have a row of four or five identical mailboxes?? Only one car can come through at a time…all you need is one box! If you’re worried about it filling up, get one really BIG box!

5

well actually, there’s a number of drive by mail boxes that **don’t ** work that way in my area. Not all, mind you, and not all that have several boxes.

at the East Lansing MI post office, for example, there’s about 3 large drive by mailboxes. One is labeld “East Lansing Only”, so if you hadn’t been there before yes, you would have to sit in front and go through items one by one.

but otherwise, sure, some ijiots shouldn’t be mailing anything to anyone anyhow.

6

Drive through mailboxes ? Is there anything you don’t have drive-through over there?

7

I was about to jokingly say “liquor stores”. Then I remembered we have two of them in this town.

8

Hmmm.

Drive through mailboxes. Check.
Drive through fast food. Check.
Drive through coffee shops. Check.
Drive through pharmacies. Check.
Drive through dry cleaners. Check.
Drive through liquor stores. Check.
Drive through veterinarians. Che-- Well, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen one somewhere.

9

This reminds me of a scene in The Gods Must Be Crazy. A woman (in South Africa) gets into her car, drives a few meters down the road, and puts her mail in the box. (IIRC, it was a ‘drive-through’ box, so they have them in South Africa.)

Do you not have mailboxes with a chute on the road-side of the box in Australia?

10

This is why they freak out when I get out of my car, approach them (and the box itself), with my 6’3" Yeti-ish physique, with long purposeful strides, scowling, and go up to the same box and jam my mail in there like Carl Malone. Some take off before I get there; others just gawk like rented bench-warmers, chewing on their towels waiting for the danger to pass.

11

You forgot funeral parlors and strip clubs.

On preview: That’s one of my favorite scenes in The Gods Must Be Crazy (along with “Do the voices in my head bother you?”).

12

Drive through mailboxes. Nope.
Drive through fast food. Check.
Drive through coffee shops. Check.
Drive through pharmacies. Nope.
Drive through dry cleaners. Nope.
Drive through liquor stores. Nope.
Drive through veterinarians. Nope.
Drive through banks - check.

That’s about it for OUR drive-through experience.

13

Oh, wait - there are the occasional drive-through movie return slots. Those are the best.

14

Yes, but the chute faces away from the road.

Drive through mailboxes. Not that I have seen.
Drive through fast food. Check.
Drive through coffee shops. Not that I know of. It takes a while to make good coffee doesn’t a drive-through defeat the purpose?
Drive through pharmacies. Nope.
Drive through dry cleaners. Don’t think so.
Drive through liquor stores. Yup.
Drive through veterinarians. No.
Drive through banks. No.

Of course, there might be some in Sydney, hell, they have an outback steakhouse there!

15

Well, we’ve got those new fangled drive through car washes here.

16

Do you at least have drive through ATMs there?

17

Why are drive through ATM’s a good thing?

18

They help keep Cecil busy. :smiley:

19

The public library in SB has drive through book return boxes. Awesome.

20

Heck, we have Outback Steakhouses that may not be drive-though but you can call ahead and they’ll come running out with your order when you drive up.