It’s about 5:30 AM right now and I haven’t been able to get to sleep at all. Very annoying. even more annoying, I have to get up in about half an hour for work. I’m at the point right this moment where I think if I did get to sleep, I would just wake up feeling worse (or worse, risk missing my alarm), so I’ve just given up for the night.
Anyway, this thread is inspired by a friend of mine who thinks her sleep is a totally valid excuse for everything. That is, she regularly misses class because she didn’t get enough sleep, absolutely refuses to do anything before noon, has no qualms messing people’s plans up because she needed the sleep. The way she sees it, she needs that sleep and if she doesn’t have it, it’s the same as being sick. And if people would understand and forgive her for this stuff because she had the flu or something, then it’s cruel and unreasonable for them to expect her to do anything if she hasn’t had her sleep.
The way I see it, if you don’t get enough sleep, you just deal the best you can. I’m going to get up and do what’s expected of me today to the best of my ability. I’ll need caffeine and lots of ibuprofen and it’s going to suck to be me today, but that’s my problem. And since I’m not contagious or incapacitated, I have no reason to stay home and in bed.
On the other hand, I know what it’s like to not be able to sleep. I have a whole lot of nights like tonight. So I have sympathy, and I’ve certainly turned down invitations to things (like “come over tonight!” not like work or school) because I was too exhausted. I also realize that just because I can do something (like function on six or three or no hours of sleep) doesn’t mean everyone can. But I still think, in the absence of an actual medical condition, it’s an excuse that needs to be used in only extremely rarely.
Thoughts?
eta:forgive me if this post makes no sense. I haven’t had much sleep, you see
I was about to argue with you, but then I saw that line about a medical condition, and the argument subsided. Because I do have a medical condition where it is relevant, and I get really tired of people who don’t think I should be able to function without sleep as well as those without that medical condition.
Actually, I think Americans put way too little emphasis on sleep and that has disastrous results for our physical and mental health.
Here in China, most people routinely get 7-8 hours of sleep on normal days. Additionally, almost every job gives a two hours break at midday, so that you can have a hot meal and a good nap. Even university dorms have mandatory lights out at 11 PM.
And I think you’d find this is the norm in much of the world. Most cultures highly value a decent night’s sleep. But I’d say most Americans- especially working people in the prime of life- routinely only get 6 or so hours of sleep.
I never realized it until I moved, but in America, I was tired all of the time. And so were most of the people I knew. I mean, we routinely use pretty strong stimulants just to be able to get up in the morning. And our work places pump us full of even more stimulants. And when that doesn’t work, we suck down energy drinks. All to squeeze out every last drop of productivity.
And it it could be hurting us a lot. Lack of sleep is likely a factor in cancer, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, etc.
We are so used to being tired all of the time that we don’t even realize it’s not normal to be exhausted on a daily basis. But it’s not. Now, luckily, I am able to wake up without coffee, stay alert throughout the day, and wake up and fall asleep with no difficulty. And my life feels fundamentally different.
So I’m all for your friend protecting her health by getting enough sleep.
I think a big factor is the reason she’s losing sleep. Is it because of insomnia? Or is it because she stayed up to four in the morning playing Wii? If it’s the latter, I’d suggest she start getting to bed earlier and stop sleeping until noon.
Whatever the problem, when she pushes it onto others she should apologize.
It’s an ongoing sickness? Fine, then tell people before you shaft their plans, so they can avoid you.
In most cases, how much sleep you get is entirely within your control, assuming that there is no underlying physical disorder. If your friend overschedules her time, or stays up on purpose way past the point that she can count on being productive the next day, I have no sympathy at all. If she does everything right – no stimulants like coffee or caffeinated drinks after a certain point in the afternoon, enough exercise so that she’s physically tired at the end of the day, no late parties or phone calls or games or whatever on the night before she needs to be up at a certain time – and still has trouble falling asleep, then surely she needs to address whatever it is that’s keeping her up.
Bottom line, the wide world doesn’t particularly care why it is you aren’t bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in school, at work, or wherever it’s important. You need to take care of that yourself.
And good luck to you today! Try to catch up on your sleep as soon as you can!
Does you friend plan on ever having a job? Because most of them start before noon. And being tired is NOT the same thing as being sick. It is not, for instance, contagious. It is also simply not as debilitating, in general. If she’s truly so exhausted that she can’t function on a regular basis, she needs to see a doctor. If she’s a little sleepy, she needs to suck it up.
I have, on one or two occasions in my life, been sufficiently exhausted as to call into work, cancel any plans, and stay in bed for most of the day. That’s one or two occasions in 20 years of legal adulthood, and I’m pretty sure I don’t get any more sleep than the average.
This reminds me of a friend of mine who was always late, and one day spent twenty minutes rambling on about all the ways it’s just not *possible *for her to keep track of time, because of the *kind *of person she is. She’s just too creative and in her own head and blahblahblahI’msospecialcakes. I suggested she try wearing her watch in her navel.
As a rule, you can tell whether something is a “good” excuse by whether or not you’re inclined to call it an “excuse”. You know, as opposed to a “reason”.
The thing is, though, that insomnia is not always responsive to treatment: I don’t suffer from sleeplessness myself, but I have seen people who do and it can be terrible–sleep and the need for sleep take over your whole life, because whatever else is going on, that’s all you can really think about.
If someone really couldn’t sleep all night, I think it’d be totally legitimate to call in sick–as legitimate as any other physical condition. If it happens frequently, that could be a problem, but that’s true with any chronic condition–like people who get frequent migraines, or gastro-intestinal attacks.
I’ve never called in “sleepless”, but were it me, I wouldn’t tell anyone why I was sick. or the details of how I was sick, but I never do in any case. I’m a professional, I get to decide if I am fit for work, I don’t want anyone second guessing whether or not I “really” needed to stay home.
I am a little sensitive about this because I do need 7-8 hours of sleep a night, and for much of my youth I had to deal with people who gave me crap about it when I would go home at 10–for them, needing sleep wasn’t a good excuse for stopping hanging out, or not going to a movie or whatever. The assumption was that I was either a total pussy or just making excuses.
I’m a firm believer in plenty of sleep. I also believe that enough sleep deprivation can equate to levels of inebriation and therefore impairment on the job. I work the kind of jobs that require me to be totally on the ball and mentally ON.
I’ve come across different levels of not being able to sleep in other people. There seem to be 3 different camps (IME). First is the people with real medical issues that prevent them from sleep or from sleeping well. These are rare, and need real medical intervention as in sleep clinic.
Second is the more common people who have a little trouble, but really more because they’re busy, can’t “turn the thinking off,” and just need a little help. These folks need some counseling and advise as to how to develop “sleepy-time” routines that help them prepare for sleep and help their body and brain sort of switch to sleep preparedness. I sleep much better if I follow a certain routine. Mine is: Turn the TV, computer, whatever electronic entertainment OFF. No TV or anything like that in the bedroom! Brush teeth (no more snacky-time), and either wash face or take a shower. Settle into the bed with reading lamp. Read. Sometimes I read several chapters, sometimes I can barely get through a page. Following this routine I can ALWAYS get to sleep. Not following this routine, and falling asleep on the couch or puttering around the house, not so much sleep. On the rare occasion I really have trouble getting to sleep, I take 2 tablets of diphenhydramine or chlorpheniramine, both just antihistamines that will make me very fuzzy and sleepy for about 6 hours.
The third group of people are the train wrecks who may indeed have a disorder (or not) but who will never do anything about it, continue to stay up for days and then “crash”. Use sleep as an excuse for just about everything, and can’t figure out why they can’t hold a job or keep many friends. People who show up at my job obviously impaired from sleep deprivation or whatever caused the deprivation are promptly sent home. Do it again and they’re fired. They’re grown-ups, and are expected to act accordingly.
I’m curious as to the OP’s sleeplessness and whether any “sleepy-time” routines have been attempted? It really can help. To some it may sound silly, but there is solid advice out there regarding bed time routines and how important they are for a lot of people to help them get sleepy and be able to have a good night of sleep.
I worked a graveyard shift for 13 or 14 ( 15?) years straight, first 11-7, later 10-6. Most of the time I seemed to handle it fine. But as I got older I found myself more and more falling into a pattern where I’d gradually start building up a eensy bit of sleep debt every day until at some point I hit a wall. The issue wasn’t even necessarily lack of sleep per se, as it was the disruption of normal circadian rhythms - Shift work sleep disorder - Wikipedia. This didn’t happen often, but it did happen regularly ( a couple times a year minimum, increasing slightly as I aged ).
Under such circumstances I had no problem calling in “sick” - as far as I was concerned I was sufficiently impaired that I would be a danger on the road. My boss was cognizant of the issues and consequently wasn’t bothered by it. It’s just considered part of the price of having a long-term off-shift workforce. Some folks suffered worse than others, - I was definitely better than average in terms of tolerance, but also of the personality type that won’t push myself when I know better. Some folks I know didn’t take off much time, but they really should have ( or shouldn’t have been working off shift in the first place ).
These days I’ll generally take off sick only when I’m legitimately ill. However I’ve been known to take off with an otherwise minor cold because it prevented me from sleeping ( sinus issues keep me awake ). At that point I’ll factor in mild general malaise + exhaustion and say “fuck it.” My sick leave is mine to use, a benefit of the job and I’m not shy about doing so. I mostly stay well under ‘sick leave abuse’ guidelines, so I’m quite guilt free about it :).
It’s not hard to believe the woman in the OP is irresponsible and self-centered, but there’s significant individual variation in how well people deal with lack of sleep. Some very rare and very lucky people need to be significantly sleep deprived before they seem to be affected at all, while some equally rare people will be significantly affected by getting even an hour too little sleep. Most of us fall somewhere between the two extremes.
I found sleep to be a very personal things. Some people, I’ve seen really can’t function without a certain number of hours. As for me until I was 40 I used to go to bed at 5am and wake up at 7am and go to work. OK, I’d be tired, but so what I slept later on the weekends.
But not now, since I hit 40, if I don’t get 8 hours at least, I HURT, I mean I physically HURT. So I think for some it can be a serious problem, be it real or a mental issue. Like I know some people who were trained to eat at a certain time or to eat 3 meals a day and are convinced their health will decline if they skip a meal or eat late.
I have insomnia and found it hard to sleep at night. Now I am often late for work, but the culture there is “not clocking the hours but getting work done”, so until the axe fell somehow.
My take for it is that this is not a get out of the jail card. You have this problem but you got to make up for it. Working OT, getting work done and trying to do something about the sleeping problem.
In terms of what effect lack of sleep may have this piece says:
Drivers are especially vulnerable, the researchers warned. They found that people who drive after being awake for 17 to 19 hours performed worse than those with a blood alcohol level of .05 percent. That’s the legal limit for drunk driving in most western European countries…
and
The British Medical Association warned that there are other problems associated with sleep deprivation beyond impaired motor skills. People who get too little sleep may have higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression, and may take unnecessary risks.
In my line of work, you are expected to do two things. First you are expected to try and get sufficient sleep so that you arrive at work rested and able to carry out your duties safely. Secondly, if for reasons beyond your control, you were unable to get sufficient sleep then you are legally obliged to ground yourself and submit a “fatigue incident report” to the company.
I just had a series of nights when I woke for no apparent reason between 2 and 3 AM. I get up at 5 for work, so this really screwed up my workdays. Fortunately, I’ve had several uninterrupted nights, so I’m getting back in sync.
When I was in the Navy, I had to work an insane schedule, and no one could explain why it had to be that way. We did 2 - 12 hour night shifts (7PM - 7AM) followed by 24 hours off, then 2 - 12 hour day shifts, followed by 96 hours off. I lived 40 miles from work. Honest-to-goodness, there were days I had no idea how I drove home safely. This was working in a comms center with other services. Army and Air Force personnel got to work 8-hour shifts, only switching after several weeks. But we had to work those obscenely ridiculous hours where our internal clocks were totally hosed up.
That was the longest 6 months of my life. I was so glad to get the internal transfer and start working mostly normal hours.
A coworker once told me “you don’t have to be dead to call in sick.”
My take? If you’re a few hours short, have some coffee or coke, get through your workday, and try to give yourself enough time to sleep properly the following night.
OTOH if you’re up all night because of insomnia or because you were dealing with some sort of emergency, send your boss an email and tell him it won’t really be possible to function well during the day, so you’re going to come in late. Don’t try to get 8-9 hours of sleep at this point, just get enough so you’ll be able to get through the rest of your day, and then get to work as soon as you can. Expect to use sick leave from your account when you do this.
If you suffer from severe/chronic insomnia and it’s causing you to be unreliable, I would guess you could apply for disability benefits, and I would not expect to hold a standard 9-to-5 job. And if you are constantly bailing on plans with friends, then don’t expect to have many friends. I don’t mean that as an insult; I only say it because maintaining a friendship requires at least some measure of reliability, and people won’t want to be friends with you if they can’t reliably count on you for anything.
In some jobs, lack of sleep is a valid reason to skip work but people in those jobs are very aware of the importance of sleep and make every effort to be ready to work. The surgeons I worked with had very jealously guarded sleep and the nurses knew they needed to be on top of their game…it was worth our jobs, licenses and sanity to get enough sleep. Now, I can sleepwalk through the job I have today, reviewing case files for the local government, but when I worked the floor at the hospital, I had to get enough sleep to safely care for my patients.
Cyn, RN, your tax dollars at work.
