I am the kind of person who doesn’t handle being proven wrong very well. This is probably because when I have a belief, with evidence presented to me, I’ll often cling to that belief very strongly and if there is evidence out there that proves things otherwise, its very hard for me to accept.
A lot of how I handle being proven wrong has to do with the way the person says it. I understand how passionate many Dopers are about fighting ignorance, but when you belittle someone about being misinformed/overrreact, then all you do is cause them to cling more tightly to their misguided beliefs. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, after all (unless someone has a cite that indicates I’m wrong about that too :eek: )
There has been a lot of stuff I’ve learned on the board. There are many dopers that really changed my view of the world, but they didn’t make me feel like an idiot in the process.
If it ever happens to me, I’ll let you know. Or, as my father is obscenely fond of repeating ad nauseum, I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken…
Seriously, though, as a direct result of growing up with a father who always had to be right about everything, I’ve made a conscious decision in my life to always remind myself that – no matter how certain I am about something – there’s always a chance I could be mistaken. That way, I don’t have trouble admiting and dealing with situations where I actually am wrong about something.
That’s not to say I don’t vigourously defend my positions, expeically when it is something important, but I don’t continue to argue on general principals when I know I am wrong.
That’s exactly the issue! If someone corrects me without being an ass about it, I accept the correction, try to remember it and everything’s fine.
I just can’t stand the insults that usually go with people trying to prove me wrong. It’s especially aggravating, when I turn out to be right after all
I agree. Also depending on how heated the discussion is or how far one’s into a debate.
I handle it better when I’m proven wrong by close friends than when proven wrong by people I don’t know all too well. But then again, I’m not the kind of person who’d get into a heated debate with people I’ve just met (online or IRL).
I simply say, “I was mistaken.” If the other party cares, I’ll explain what contributed to my prior position, but generally they aren’t.
What approaches being upsetting is when the other party does not accept my self correction and admission of mistake, and continues to try to “convince” me. After my second, “As I said, I was wrong. Thank you for correcting me,” I am liable to say something snarky.
Depends on my stake—my emotional investment I guess you could say—in the subject matter more than anything else.
AHunter3: The deli next door doesn’t do reuben sandwiches, so I have to walk a block to the other one. Coworker: Yes they do. I had one just yesterday. AHunter3: Oh. Cool!
AHunter3: Those old Pontiac engines are underused in serious competition. They kick butt. Wizened Greasemonkey: Naah, not really. No 4 bolt mains here, see? And ball rockers with push rods, sloppy at high RPM. And Pontiac engines eat timing chains. AHunter3: Well…OK maybe, but…for maybe not absolute top-end serious but still kickalotta butt serious, you don’t need 8000 RPM, and with a good intake manifold and Carter AFB still a nice rod. Wizened Greasemonkey: Yeah, nice rod. Just stay away from Chevies and Fords and Mopars and you can probably kick some butt. AHunter3: piss on you!
And of course the really volatile subject matter tends to be in such subjectively inferenced areas that proving that one has indeed proven something is no easier than proving it in the first place. If you are going to widen my comprehension and stimulate me to consider issues such as abortion rights, gender politics, mental health, governmental structure, coercion and power, and the supremacy of Macintosh, you’ll get a lot farther describing your experience and attitudes and feelings than you will by trying to pin the argument to factual assertions that can be proven or disproven.
In contrast, if you’re ignoring my subjective sentiments and trying to boil it down to factual assertions or logical theorems, I’m going to end up feeling like you are merely trying to win, not communicate.
If the proof is good, and you accept it quickly and admit it, then it’s easy.
I learned this at work: It’s not about who is right or wrong (hard skills) it’s about the soft skills. The ability to be wrong and still look like an ace.
Prepare any statements for future wrongdom by using qualifyers, such as “I could be wrong…” If you’re right, the qualifyer was forgotten. If your wrong, you say, “I thought I might be wrong”, which gives you the distinction of beign right about that and looking like you had good foresight.
[philosopher voice] There comes a time in every life when you realize just how ignorant you really are. It’s not a bad moment at all. It’s the beginning of wisdom. The wiser you get, the more comfortably you can say, “I don’t know the answer.” [/philosopher voice]
I personally try to avoid using words like ‘always’ ‘never’ or throwing around vague statistics/percentages (After all, 63% of all statistics are misquoted ) Its really easy to shoot down statements that reek of generalization. I try to keep what I say limited to opinion and the subjective; it often keeps the conversation light and cool since if someone disagrees with me they might inform me of some facts of what I’m saying, without expressly dismissing my own opinion.
I noticed there are many cultures, such as Japan, where people won’t openly disagree with someone’s opinion in order to avoid embarassing them. I heard it created odd/comical miscommunications in business dealings with other nations (like the U.S.)
I actually derive a perverse sort of pleasure out of it; don’t misunderstand me - I don’t like being wrong and I don’t aim for it, but when someone conclusively proves me wrong, I’ve learnt a new thing, which is good and it makes me feel slightly cleaner.
I say something like “Oops, I was wrong there. Thanks for setting me right” but inside I still have a little twinge of “I should have known that already. I shouldn’t have needed to be told,” which is rather immature of me. Knowledge is desirable, but it isn’t my job in life to Know Everything. Fortunately, as I grow up, the twinge gets smaller.
It depends on who proves I´m wrong. If it´s somebody I think smarter/wiser/learned… well, it doesn´t matter, I´m always willing to learn something new, and I´m not the most intelligent person of the world (as we all know, that title belongs to Cecil, heh, heh).
But if the person is somebody no smarter than me or a complete idiot, well, I go crazy, like “how on earth can this jackass be right, and worse, how can he/she prove I´m wrong?”.
It really pisses me when an unwitted fool gets to know more than me in any subject… of course, I never admit it… my pride prevents me from it. I know such thing is silly, but still…
I think it is better to be shown correctness, than continue looking a fool. Readily will I admit not knowing something or being wrong, but still give an informed opinion.
Another here who tries to avoid using words such as never or always.
The only time it bothers me is when it is done in a condescending manner, rudely, or making me look a tit in front of others. Just not on.
I wouldn’t do it to someone, so I expect the same respect and consideration.
I don’t quite agree with that advice. I used to (and probably still am) say things like “I could be wrong…” a lot. It just invited people to think that I am insecure and to challange my words, even though I was right. Most of the time
I HATE being wrong, and the snarkier I am about being right, the more likely it is I’m wrong. So then, not only do I have to admit that I was wrong, but I have to apologize for being a jerk. I’m really really trying to be better.
I find that intelligent people who are generally right about things are more likely to admit when they’re wrong than someone who’s wrong frequently. I guess if you’re wrong only occasionally, it’s no big deal, but if you’re wrong a lot, you don’t want to advertise it.
It’s best to admit when you’re wrong, because a person who doesn’t cannot be trusted.
I usually do the same thing Phil does, with the same result Opti mentioned. On the other hand, if you are TOO positive, and it turns out you’re wrong, you risk losing face over that, too. Still working on the balance.
When I am proven wrong I try to look upon it as a learning experience, and thank the provider of correct information. Also helps not to make things a big ego game in the first place.
Qualifiers like “It’s been my experience that…” are better than “I could be wrong but…” since if you then get new information, you can formulate a tactful response.
