And have the president quote Meatloaf.
The day gets saved when the USS Iowa starts throwing 16" shells.
Have the president be Meat Loaf.
Martin Lawrence playing Will Smith’s back seater, who ends up helping him drag he alien across the desert. Instead of Will Smith kicking the crap out of the unconcious alien, him and Martin end up getting in a bromance slap fight a la Bad Boys.
James Avery plays a tough-as-nails military retiree, perhaps the estranged uncle of Will Smith’s character.
And of course, the commander of Area 51, Tommy Lee Jones.
A friend of mine suggests that Liam Neeson play an ambiguously badass guy whose daughter gets abducted by aliens.
Add Nick Cage running around in a bear suit beating up little girls.
A realistic alien invasion movie?
- Bad guys introduce a nasty bug into the atmosphere.
- Bad guys wait for humans to go extinct.
- Bad guys move into their new digs.
<continue hijack>There’s a black dude named Steve who runs the bikram hot yoga studio just up the street from my apartment complex.</end hijack>
I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
It could mainly be improved by replacing the script and cast, and vaporising the director.
I class it as a ‘popcorn flick’ - entertainment that does not require any real thinking. I like it for the same reason people like Buckaroo Banzai, The Shining or any other movie that totally lacks any deep inner meaning whatsoever. When I sit down to watch a movie, I want entertainment, I do not want any deep inner meaning, I do not want any existential angst, I don’t even want to worry about the environment. I want to kill a few hours being entertained.
Nuking the mothership destroys the shields, no hacking.
Have the people at Area 51 be the ones who come up with the code to destroy the aliens command network. Of course, this would then invite questions as to why these militant and capable aliens have a network that can easily be hacked by relative techno primitives. To which one can only reply: “Welcome to Earth, motherfucker!” (Punch!)
Base it on a children’s board game. I think “Uncle Wiggly” has yet to be adapted.
I am watching it now, very appropriate.
Okay, after watching the first two hours again last night, I have come up with these changes:
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Will Smith - while I normally love this guy, he was all cocky and no charisma in this movie. Change his character to what he does so well - a cocky and charismatic guy.
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Change the way the alien menace is handled. The deus ex machina they came up with was far too un-freaking-believable, even for this movie.
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Take out the Will Smith punching the alien’s armour and he passes out for three hours thing. Good grief. That’s a helluva punch you got there.
Use it as a coaster.
More Judd Hirsch.
I couldn’t really enjoy it when I saw it at the cinema because of a major plot issue. Not anything to do with the Macs, or the tonnes of metal crashing down on the heroes’ heads. It’s that for the first ninety per cent of the film the aliens are almost entirely invulnerable, on account of their magic force fields.
Which means that the aerial dogfights near the beginning were just pointless, because the aliens were invulnerable. Our missiles had no effect whatsoever. Because the aliens were invulnerable. I mean, the big space battle at the end of Return of the Jedi is exciting, because - although we know that the goodies are going to win - the fighting at least has purpose. Spaceships blow up, there’s a certain amount of strategy, some of the good guys are killed, and so are some of the baddies. But if the villain and his soldiers and spaceships are utterly invincible what’s the point? The action doesn’t have any purpose. Unless the intention was to show a heroic but doomed last stand, but I never had the sense that the filmmakers were capable of emotional nuance.
The 1950s War of the Worlds had a similar problem. The soldiers are going to lose; the nuclear bomber is going to lose; the aliens are untouchable. The action sequences aren’t really action sequences at all. They’re literally action-packed in the sense that there are explosions and so forth; but there’s a difference between e.g. the London marathon and a movie action sequence. They both have motion and dynamism, but the former is just a lot of sweaty people running for fun and glory whereas the latter has meaning and purpose and emotional resonance.
Yeah, Will Smith manages to down an alien fighter, but it’s a total fluke. I would have shown at least some of the aerial action having an effect. Make it look as if we might just possibly win, until the aliens unleash their reinforcements. Have our side fight hard and push the aliens back a bit, even though we’re doomed. As it stands we just lose, and lose again, and then we magic a solution out of a Macintosh and then we win. The story is fundamentally broken. A good action sequence should have a tense, edge-of-the-seat quality, not just one side repeatedly failing to scratch the other side and then losing. Imagine if the Ali-Foreman fight had consisted of Foreman punching Ali really hard over and over again, and then Ali just falls onto the mat and loses. That’s basically Independence Day, except that in Independence Day Ali uses a Mac Powerbook to write a virus which he then implants into George Foreman’s brain - via his nose - which causes Foreman’s brain to shut down at which point Ali has to punch him in a very special place. And the poor ostrich died for nothing. That’s called a mixed metaphor, it’s one of the fundamental underpinnings of the Alan Partridge series.
All those people who enjoyed the film. They were wrong. Wrong to enjoy it. They should have disrespected it, by throwing popcorn at the screen. “Curse you”, the audience should have said, “for your fundamental inability to grasp the basics of motivation and tension and so forth”.
I mean, at least in Godzilla they established that the creature might have been hurt by missiles and so forth, even though we knew it wasn’t going to get the chop until the end of the film.
This, a million times over.
I can buy the notion of city sized spaceships. I can buy that they come crashing down with no major seismic repercussions. I can even buy the entire bit about the computer virus.
But the one thing that takes me out of the movie is that damn dog outrunning the giant fireball as it’s literally nipping at his heels.