This is the first I’ve heard about any such “mom code” and I think you’re being completely unreasonable about the whole thing.
The beef was and has never been with any of the sitters, it is as you said, with my wife’s trust of the friend.
And it’s a little dismissive to presume that because my wife uses sitters a few times a week, that she’s not charitable or out of touch with reality. Had you considered the possibility that she uses that time to do volunteer work?
Personally, my hackles are up at this whole “mom code” nonsense. Look, ethics and morals are equal across all humanity, are they not? WTF is so special about women who’ve procreated that they have special rules to govern their ethics?
Stealing is stealing. Nothing’s been stolen here.
My SO is self-employed (he’s a photographer, wedding and event stuff) He has a few clients who have given his name out to their entire social network and subsequently have brought him many, many bookings. He goes to great lengths to show his appreciation. When one of them has a small job of a few hours then he’s there, and sometimes its complementary.
Not saying a college babysitter thinks exactly like my SO. But, I have learned a great deal about dealing with people in general, just by watching him run his business.
You are exactly right. However, I can complain about the deceit by the friend’s mother in soliciting the information. Fool me once…
I don’t see how that’s relevant in the least. I don’t think that it’s at all dismissive that to say that she is uncharitable and out of touch with regards to how she treats this whole baby sitter issue.
Twice a week.
If you’re so convinced noone would see it differently, theres no point in asking for opinions.
Otara
That’s great. WTF does that have to do with a friend deceitfully obtaining a reference?
That entirely missed the point. My point is that if this is the biggest problem she’s dealing with, she’s a damn lucky woman.
And yes, I think she IS out of touch with reality, if this is the sort of thing that she’s going to let get in the way of her relationship with her child’s classmate’s mother. That’s some minefield, considering the drama filled lives of little girls. Has she considered the impact it could have on the girls’ friendship, now or down the road in seventh grade when they’re being horrid to one another because they wore the wrong bracelet this week, nevermind a history of hard feelings between their mothers?
But maybe I just travel in a radically different reality, where friends (and even just acquaintances) help each other out, instead of hoarding scarce resources. ETA: Holiday babysitters aren’t a problem for us, *because *we share them. Why not have a sleepover at one house with a babysitter and four kids, instead of trying to find four babysitters? Of course, that only works if one isn’t of the hoarding mindset.
I think people find it hard to believe that someone who is in regular contact with people suffering genuine hardship could also see this as an actual problem.
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Since you don’t really know my wife, you would be wrong.
<speaking for Suger and Spice> Most self-employed people WANT those referrals. Your wife is going out of her way to harm the babysitter by refusing to pass her name along. </speaking for Sugar and Spice>
If you refer this babysitter and get her good jobs then, maybe, she will make an extra effort to keep your wife happy, by being available when your wife does need her.
Sorry I thought it was so obvious that I didn’t need to spell it out.
ETA: and what purplehorseshoe said.
How do you know the friend is the one who even suggested longer term sitting “plans”? Maybe the sitter said, “Well, I’m not available Saturday, I’m so sorry-- but if you’re ever in need of a sitter any other time, I’d be more than happy to help out!”
Let me make a quick note. Trivial issues that don’t come close to being compared to world hunger and homelessness should not be brought up on the SDMB as they aren’t worthy of discussion. Duly noted. :rolleyes:
I think this is a good point, too. To the OP, if the babysitter had done this, do you think the onus would be on the other mom to say no or to ask permission from you? Because babysitters do seek out other clients. Also, even if you hadn’t given out the reference, the babysitter might well have ended up sitting for those people anyway (finding them by putting up fliers/asking around/etc.). I think your wife is overstating how much control she has with her giving out of references.
Well there’s mundane… and then there’s mundane. And then there’s this.
Nah. We just think your wife is being eighteen kinds of unreasonable and are being quite blunt about that. Also, there are quite a few self-employed folks around here, and the idea of being treated that way by one of their own clients has apparently struck a nerve.
Could be. But when my wife told the sitter that she gave her name to a friend, the sitter replied that the friend did call her, but wanted to know if she would be available multiple times over the next month or so.
Which brings up a good question: how did your wife come by the cadre of sitters she has?