I DO NOT baby sit my own kids, damnit!!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

This is expressly directed at my extended family (in-laws, uncles, causins… etc…).

When you call on weekday mornings and mid afternoons expecting my wife to pick up the phone but get me instead, please extend me the courtesy of not saying that I’m baby sitting the second after I explain to you that my wife has gone out for an appointment.

I do not baby sit my own kids. Alright?! I’m their dad for chris’sake!

Yes, I’m usually at work most weekdays. Yes, my wife is usually at home with the kids when I’m not. When she is at home with the kids (as she normally is) she is not baby sitting, she is being a stay at home mom. Similarly, when I’m home alone with MY kids I’m being a DAD. Not a babysitter. Not a bachelor. Not a poor schmuck stuck at home with the kids without a clue about which end of a diaper goes up.

For the last and final time, cuz I don’t want to say this again… I’m the father, not their babysitter. Their babysitter gets paid handsomely for looking after them a few hours every other week. I’m the guy who teaches them to ride a bike without training wheels by running behind them for blocks at a time. I’m the guy who kisses their skinned knees when they scrub out playing soccer and I’m the guy who stays up half the night with worry when they have an ear ache and fever.

I don’t fucking BABYSIT my kids! Is that clear?

2

My family, as well as my in-laws, do this to my husband all the time. I’m sure they mean it innocently, but without fail, when someone says it to him he replies something to the effect, ‘babysitting? You mean I’m finally going to get paid? Awesome!’

We use the term ‘Watch the kids’ in our house, because (like you) babysitting equates money spent. I truly feel for you–and the only thing I can think of as a likely comparison was when I was staying home with my kids and people said that I didn’t work. Irritating. It sure as hell felt like work I was doing all day (and night).
And, I think you’ll agree, it’s not even so much the terms as is it the inflection in their voices. Patronizing. Condescending.
“Oh…so you don’t WORK.”
“Ah…got stuck BABYSITTING?”

I hope your wife is as supportive as my husband was. He was the first to answer those snide comments with the fact that I probably worked harder than he–and never got paid. (at least in monetary terms.) Your kids will never forget that you took this attitude. They’ll love you the more for it, because there are a lot of men who DO consider watching their own children as babysitting. Sad but true.
Good news is that you’re not one of them. Keep up the good parenting.

3

Quicksilver: “Hello?”
Dumbfuck: “Hey there? What are ya’, babysittin’?”
Quicksilver: “Actually, the last I knew, they’re my kids. Thanks for asking, though!”

or “Nope, just me and the kids here” (in other words, no neighbor kids or other rugrats around)

or “Yeah, and that bitch is gonna blow me as SOON as she gets home this time- none of this “I’ll owe ya” bullshit”

or “click”

People are so moronic sometimes. I feel for ya’.

Zette

4

Pick one:

Quicksilver: “Hello?”
Dumbfuck: “Hey there? What are ya’, babysittin’?”
Quicksilver: Well, I was for a while, but they got to making’ so much noise that I had to, you know–STIFLE 'em." << weird giggle >> “Say, you know, that duct tape is great stuff!..So, what can I do you for?”

Quicksilver: “Hello?”
Dumbfuck: “Hey there? What are ya’, babysittin’?”
Quicksilver: [relieved voice] Oh, geez, I’m so glad you called. Listen, I’ve got this kinda personal problem, I gotta step out for a minute or two, could you come over here and look after the kids for a while, you know, just for an hour or two? I’d really 'preciate it…"

Quicksilver: “Hello?”
Dumbfuck: “Hey there? What are ya’, babysittin’?”
Quicksilver: “Yeah. Hey, long as I got you here, do you think it’s okay for my kids watch Scream 3? Mrs. Q. said no way, but personally I don’t think it’s that scary…”

Quicksilver: “Hello?”
Dumbfuck: “Hey there? What are ya’, babysittin’?”
Quicksilver: “Yeah, and it really sucks, you know? Listen, why doncha come on over here and keep me company? And hey, bring me some cigarettes, 'cause I’m about out, and hey, as long as you’re stopping, pick up a case of beer–oh, and grab a thing of Pampers, too, wouldja…”

5

You ain’t the Lone Ranger here buddy. My mother, the professional guilt trip tour guide, used to try this shit with me all the time. If I went out shopping for the day or had a drink with friends after work and left the kids at home with dad she’s blast me for leaving him to “babysit”. Like he shouldn’t be made capable of watching them for a couple of hours. It used to burn me up. But what really burned me up was that I didn’t like doing it. He drank all the time and in a large way she was right. I never really knew if he was watching them like he should. If I went out to a movie I’d come back home and they’d be in bed in the same clothes they’d played in all day dirty as hell. Granted he wasn’t much but he wasn’t their “babysitter” he was their own father after all.

You are right. You don’t babysit your own kids.

Needs2know

6

I just wish I could beat him at cards, damn he’s good!

7

It does my heart good to see a Dad with this attitude.

All of my friends’ husbands have that, “Oh sure, I’ve got to babysit while you girls go shopping” attitude. It drives me crazy. We go out maybe once or twice a month - I don’t think watching the kids for a few hours a month is really too much to ask - but, apparently, these dumb jerks do. I usually remind them that they are the Father and that they’re not exactly “babysitting” - needless to say, most of my friends’ husbands don’t like me very much. :smiley:

8

I used to get that (from neighbors, never from family), but I guess I just figured that it was their problem. Our family schedule has tended to leave me with the kids most Saturdays since we’ve had them. I was asked “Are you babysitting, today?” a few times, to which I simply responded “They’re my kids.” Within a fairly short period, I was being asked by the wives if I could be persuaded to “talk” to their husbands. (I couldn’t; let 'em fight their own family battles.) Now I don’t get asked.

The “dad is babysitting” attitude is pretty stupid, but letting them know that they can get a rise out of you on the issue isn’t the best response, either.

My wife knows how much I do with the kids. My kids know how much time I spend with them, (too much, from their perspective). Comments from the peanut gallery are irrelevant.

9

Perhaps in future if the extended family phones when you aren’t home, your wife could tell them she’s “babysitting” while you’re at work (or wherever)…it might help them come to an awareness that you spending time caring for your children isn’t called “babysitting” these days - in these enlightened times we call it parenting.

BTW more power to you for the stand you are taking on behalf of your wife and your family - if only more men felt the same.

10

About 9 years ago (when I was 10) me and my two little brothers loved it when my dad home with us and our mom was out. He wasn’t a baby sitter. Baby sitters ment it wasn’t ok to set things on fire. :smiley:

11

I went to a baby shower for an expecting friend not long after my son was born, and everyone there was asking (in tones of great surprise) “So who is watching Kirk?!?!?!” Um, his other parent? If my husband went to a social gathering, would people be in shock? Bite me.

We’re pretty quick to jump on people who use “babysit” as a verb for fathering. It says a lot about how far we haven’t come, doesn’t it?

12

QuickSilver, if I didn’t know better, I would think you were my husband. My MIL constantly comments on him “babysitting” our kids. WTF? He’s not babysitting them, dammit!! They’re his own kids!!

Story #1:
I went out to dinner with some women from work a few weeks ago, for a combination “Goodbye & Baby Shower” thing for a fellow teacher going on maternity leave. Just as I was leaving the house, my MIL called. I explained that I was just leaving, and she commented, “Oh, is Mr.Kinsey babysitting?”
I replied, “No, you ignorant bitch, he is taking care of his own freaking children!” Ok, I didn’t REALLY say that, but I wanted to.

Story #2:
Just today, I went out Christmas shopping and errand-running. When I came home, around 4:00 or so, she called, and in the course of the conversation, it came out that I had “been out” all day. Again, she asked if Mr.Kinsey had been stuck at home all day “babysitting” while I was out. No, he was taking care of his own children while I was out buying presents for HIS side of the family, picking up HIS clothes from the dry cleaner, picking up HIS tools that a friend had borrowed, picking up HIS prescription from the drug store and going to the grocery store. Like I was out having a grand old time or something.

13

I thought my mother was the only one who did this! You’d think being my mom and all that she’d be glad that I actually got to go out of the house and do something without dragging TinyTot around, but nooooo. We’ll not even speak of her reaction to me taking a vacation sans Mister and Tiny.

I get this a lot, too. And the “Ask Johnny if he can babysit so we can go to a Pampered Chef party together!” And then they giggle like we’re going to do something really naughty. For some reason, women who ask their husband’s to “babysit” always have a really lame idea of fun.

Here’s my gripe: Way back when TinyTot was born, evilMIL practically held a press conference to announce her pride that her son had changed one friggen diaper. Never mind that I was changing diapers right out of the delivery room, never mind that I was the one who had to show him how to do it (shouldn’t his mother have taught him, he has a younger brother…?), no he changed ONE FRIGGEN DIAPER and all of a sudden he was father of the year. I, on the other hand, was always putting TinyTot in immediate danger of hypothermia or heatstroke.

I’m not saying he didn’t deserve praise and encouragement, but ferchristsakes, it wasn’t that big a deal. And where was my praise and encouragement?

14

Because you ‘mothers’ raise hell when ‘dady’ teaches the kid something you don’t like/approve of. It’s you child and how could he do that? Just like a hired babysitter, he better not do anything you did not tell him to do.
::::: flee :::::::

I am a saint in this department, diapers, I changed them, washed them, yeah on one child we used cloth, (I’m old.) did it all, my mother never put down the wife’s ways, I caught any of that as in my world, the husband is responsible. If your MIL is allowed to talk to you that way and your husbands lets her, you have a problem in your marriage that you seem wiling to live with. If he is that wimpy, useless, and unhelpful, why are you with him? Just like to bitch? Like the money? Like the sex? In the 1950’s this was a lot more commomn IMO, but in 2000, HUH?

15

Cat, who are you talking to? I re-read this whole thread and I don’t see who your comments apply to.

No one here said that happens in their house.

I wrote more (about the comment you made to tater), but I figure why encourage a ridiculous tangent like that? This thread is about men percieved as “babysitting” their kids instead of being thought of as the other parent, not taters marriage. Sheesh!

Zette

16

I dunno Zette, it might be nice to have a thread devoted to my marriage. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t get enough attention around here, you know? :wink:

And I never said that MisterTot was wimpy, unhelpful or useless. I did say that I did not appreciate that his mother felt that his changing one diaper (which is not all he has done for TinyTot by any means) made him some sort of uber-Daddy, while nothing I did seemed to deserve any praise. Somehow, I just can’t see anyone saying about me, the mother, “Oh she changes her baby’s diapers! I’m so proud of her!”

FTR, MisterTot is a very good father to TinyTot, and he does let his mother know when she has crossed the line. In fact, he rarely if ever speaks to his mother because she is a crazy bitch. But I didn’t feel the need to mention all of that until now, I just assumed people would realize that MisterTot is not responsible for the garbage that comes out of his mother’s mouth.

17

It’s not that she’s “allowed” (your word) to talk to me that way, it’s that she’s…well, how do I say it? She’s ignorant, in the truest sense of the word. My MIL never finished high school, does not read the paper (other than the National Inquirer), rarely watches the news, never reads a book, believes every urban legend that she hears…but that’s for another thread.

MrKinsey thinks it’s funny when she says he is babysitting. He always kids me that I need to pay him for babysitting the kids. I try to keep peace (long story, don’t ask), so I let this whole “babysitting” thing slide.

She is stuck in 1950-something. The whole concept of the wife going out for an evening with some friends is completely foreign to her…but it would be perfectly acceptable for the husband to go out a couple times a week with his buddies.
Like TaterTot said, she thought it was wonderful when MrKinsey changed a diaper every now and then. Excuse me, who the hell changes the diapers all day long?!?

18

Some people just believe that Daddy’s job was over when he grunted that last grunt, spewed the ova-fertilizing semen, and rolled off you.

Of course, if you had a boy, he will be expected to teach the boy to throw a ball, so he’ll be back on duty when the kid is toilet trained. If you have a girl, he’s got a little more time off.

19

Hey! For some guys that ain’t no mean feat!!!

:: ducks and runs ::

Seriously tho… I can wholeheartedly agree with the OP. Fer crying out loud, have some fucking respect.