There is an advice columnist in the local paper who had an article today about babysitters. One of the points he was trying to emphasize is that fathers should never be giving female babysitters rides home (or I guess picking them up) alone. His only exception was for family members (say the babysitter was their neice, for example).
The babysitter we usually use is an 8th grader, a friend of our neighbor that lives about 5 minutes away. When we do use her to babysit, I’m usually the person to pick her up and drop her back home after babysitting.
I don’t think it’s so much that the columnist is thinking that all adult men are pedophiles. Things can become awkward–the guy could have the hots for the nubile babysitter; the nubile babysitter could have the hots for the guy; the nubile babysitter could have a suspicious father or jealous boyfriend–there are any number of scenarios that could play out here. Of course, you could have the same problems with the woman driving the babysitter home, but people seem to find it less threatening somehow.
I’ve got friends who all have the wife drive the babysitter home more to “avoid the appearance of evil” than anything else. Me–I figure if you can’t trust your husband/SO on a five minute drive, you’ve got more serious problems.
I was fondled twice by two separate babysittees. I told my mom about the one guy and my parents didn’t do anything about it (typical 60s response I guess).
I hate to think that our world is going to hell in a handbasket, but it is. Kids sue adults for made-up stuff (or put the make on older men), otherwise respectable men get drunk and make stupid decisions…hell, I get the evil eye if I talk to a little kid at the grocery store anymore. Sometimes its best to err on the side of caution. Sucky as that is…
We rarely use babysitters who don’t have their own transportation, but on those occasions when we have, I’ve had my wife drive them home. There’s absolutely zero chance I’d ever try to take advantage of such a situation, nor do I consider myself to be a likely target of a teenage girl’s attentions. But I have no way to know what may be going on in the babysitter’s life or mind, and there could be any number of motives for a girl to claim that something happened – to gain attention, to divert attention from something else, to cover for an unwanted pregnancy, etc. The thought processes of teenagers are very different from those of adults, and the long-term consequences of their actions are often not even part of that process, particularly the consequences for other people. I’m somewhat paranoid on this general subject, I’ll admit – before we were married, when my wife was a teacher, I refused to accompany her as a chaperone for a couple of events with her kids because I had no real authority over them and wanted no part of being responsible for them or of being in any situation where any notion of impropriety was even possible. The risk may not be that great in reality, but the cost of an accusation or of having an accident or incident of some kind happen on my watch was too high. There’s no way to defend yourself against such an accusation – even if you’re able to prove beyond any doubt that you’re innocent, the taint of the accusation lingers. That’s just not something I have any intention of exposing myself to when I can readily avoid it. I’m equally scrupulous professionally, having been in positions where I work with and manage female employees – I’m nearly a nut about avoiding any situation that might lead to even the possibility of impropriety. I can’t absolutely rule out the possibility that I’d ever give a babysitter a ride home, but it’d have to be a situation with no alternative possibilities or where the alternatives would be worse.
That’s one of the silliest and saddest things I’ve ever heard. In my babysitting days, which weren’t all that long ago, dads gave me rides home all the time and nobody ever thought twice about it. (Of course, I was not a particularly attractive teenager, so make of that what you will.)
What was the columnist’s rationale? Is he giving advice to teenagers on how to protect themselves, or to dads on how to cover their ass, legally?
I think people are getting way too paranoid these days. If you have that little trust for the people you’re babysitting for, then you shouldn’t be babysitting.
When I was 16, I babysat for a friend of the family, and the father would frequently give me rides home. I lived about 10-15 minutes away, and on more than one occasion he had been drinking and got somewhat lewd. I never felt entirely comfortable with him around, but that’s not to say that will be the case with everyone else. I think it’s perfectly fine for either parent to give a babysitter a ride to/from the job, as long as the babysitter seems to be comfortable with it.
I read it exactly the opposite. I see it as the columnist warning all honest fathers that they can’t trust babysitters not to scream rape over absolutely nothing. So don’t take the risk of ever being alone with young girl/women.
Under either interpretation, the evidence is that society’s getting out of control.
My thoughts exactly. If you can’t learn about life from the Simpsons, then, well, what’s the world coming to?
I think the advice is just to make it safer for everyone - so the sitter doesn’t feel uncomfortable and isn’t at risk for [whatever], and so the sittee doesn’t have to deal with unfounded accusations.
As a teenager I was often uncomfortable when alone with adult men, although none every tried anything. And I certainly never said anything. Adult men who were aware of this (and avoided the situation) made it a lot easier for me.
I always drove our babysitters home. Of course, they were all Sunday School students of mine, and their parents were all long-time friends. No temptation, no worries.
Still, The World According to Garp* always lay uncomfortably in the back of my mind . . .
On a related note, I’d been teaching Sunday School (grades 9-12) for about 5 years when it came out that our old, retired Pastor had had inappropriate relations with a young female congregant years before. I was always careful to leave the classroom door open during class time (most Sunday-School students are girls, for some reason), but after the allegations, my wife decided to become a co-teacher with me for our protection.
These kids were like our own, but in this day and age a little healthy paranoia is a good thing.
I always drive the babysitter home. Primarily because 9 times out of 10, I’m the sober one. Mr. Pundit is a very reluctant, pouty designated driver. But there is the secondary matter of having an adult male alone with a young girl. Not a good idea under the best of circumstances, but especially if the couple has been out partying. Even seemingly trustworthy people can completely change personalities under the influence of alcohol.
So, yes, I’d say it’s a good rule. I’d also be equally strident about the driver being sober.
Wow, how pathetic. I babysat for many, many years (from age 11 well into my 20s), and it almost always the fathers that drove me home, and there was nary a whiff of inappropriate behavior. I see that it’s happened to others, so maybe I lucked out, but then again, I babysat A LOT. For MANY familes, and again, there was never any trouble. Maybe I just wasn’t hot enough :P.