We have three boys, ages 4,12,and 15. When we have an evening out, my mom usually watches them, but this weekend we have a conflict with her schedule.
Often, when I am just running to the store (or post office or bank), my oldest child will be left in charge of the younger two. This has always worked out well, I am never gone for more than an hour, and there have never been any crises.
Our outing this weekend will likely keep up out of the house from 4 pm until Midnight. Our oldest son (15) is responsible, hard working,has a sense of humor about things, and can cook basic meals. He has been certified in First Aid and CPR, although I think his cert has lapsed. I know that, if I left him in charge on that evening, everyone would get fed, bathed, and put to bed on time. They will likely watch movies and stupid flash videos on the computer all evening.
My husband and I would be 45 minutes away and in constant contact via cell phone. I can clearly recall being that age or younger myself and babysitting infants all day. So why am I hesitant to leave him in charge? Am I being paranoid, overprotective, or weird about it?
People always react with horror at kids being left home alone, but as I said, I was babysitting “professionally” for infants and up from the time I was 12. When I was 8 and my brother was 3, Mom left us every day of the summer with a 16 year old girl. Why do I flinch at the thought of that, now?
I don’t see any problem with it. I never babysat myself, but my cousins were doing in as young as age 13 or so. You sound as if you have confidence in his ability to take care of things. Are you planning to pay him for it?
I, too, babysat “professionally” when I was younger than 15. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it.
Is there a neighbor that you can ask to be a safety net ? Knowing that there is someone who can get there in a couple of minutes might set your mind to rest.
I can’t believe you’re even posting about this. It’s a no-brainer. We have a 9-year old and a 2-month old. I give the 9-year old another 4 or 5 years before she’s going to start babysitting.
My WAG? It’s because it’s a sort of rite of passage, for him and for you as a parent. It’s a sign that he’s growing up. He’ll be On His Own and In Charge for the night, and this is Just The Beginning: before you know it, he’ll be out of the house On His Own (away at college or wherever) and in charge of his own life.
Yes, we plan on paying him for it. He has a bank account, so I may just write him a check. He loves that.
Pixisis, our neighbors aren’t exactly reliable, but we have friends we could call who would only be 10 minutes away if they needed something.
Ginger, I do trust him. He’s an extremely level-headed child, but like all teenage boys, he has his complete moments of stupidity. Like last week when he wanted to fill a supersoaker with cologne to see if it would make a flame thrower.
Do I think he’d do that while I was gone? No, not really, but his 12 year old brother can be very persuasive when it comes to hare-brained schemes.
iampuna, I actually considered taking the 12 year old with us, and just leaving the 15 and 4 year old here because I can see less trouble happening that way. My middle son is that unpredictable.
The only problem I’d see is that 15 & 12 aren’t so far apart as to make the teenager clearly “the boss” of a 12-year-old in the same family. (Not a problem at all with the 4-year-old. Probably not a problem with the 12-year-old next door.)
So it isn’t age alone - but do they get along, or is there a potential for a bad power struggle, sibling rivalry blowout if he reminds his younger sibling to clear the plate off the table after dinner?
Yeah, my brother and I are one year apart so neither one of us really watched the other. I did throw scissors at him once but that was well before we were 14/15.
Put my vote in for way more than old enough. At 15, I had a car, job, and was the man of my one parent house. I don’t think it is much of a question either. When my daughter was 2, she had a 13 year old male babysitter and it worked out fine.
I was getting paid to watch 3 kids at once at that age, one an infant. Then again, when I was a bit older I did babysit older kids (say, 14 and 12) because while they might be perfectly responsible seperately they weren’t necessarily responsible together.
When they are away from me, there is much less arguing and fewer power struggles than when I am around. The oldest child is usually not one to overtly abuse any authority I give him, either.
That being said, my middle child is much more likely to escalate any altercation, sometimes even to a physical level. His older brother is very quick-witted, and can be sharp tongued at times. Middle son is very intelligent, but not as quick with witty comebacks, so he settles for physical force (even though his older brother outweighs him by about 50 lbs, the nut!). The four year old is always happy to involve himself in any dog pile. Usually accompanied by a Tarzan- like shriek and leaping off of furniture. BUT that happens rarely, and has never happened while I was away (I would know because the little one would tell). When I am not around, butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths.
We left our kids home alone when the oldest was younger than 15. No problems.
Of course, I remember a time my parents left my sisters and me home alone on their anniversary, the eldest probably 17-18. We got into a fight and one person ended up in the emergency room.
So there are no hard and fast rules.
But I think few people would hesitate to leave their kids with a 15 year old (or younger) babysitter. Maybe make sure a responsible adult in the neighborhood - neighbor, friend’s mom - will be home that they could call, just in case the unthinkable happens and needs to be addressed quicker than you could get home.
I am in a similiar situation with 3 boys age 7, 13, and 15. Sometimes leaving them alone becomes like that riddle where you have the guy in the boat with a fox and has to figure out how to transport one other animal at a time to the other side but you can’t have the fox with the hen, etc. The problem is that the two older boys are very competitive and they like to practice their badassedness on each other which leads to a lot of fighting.
One suggestion is to tie his pay for the evening in with his performance. If he does a great job and there are no problems, maximum cash. This is where the younger boy comes in- they make great tattletales. With a list of rules, immediate contact if necessary, and a junior mod in the house, leaving them for a few hours should not be a problem.