Actually, I think this would be a violation of whatever code exists. If I call a babysitter and book her for Saturday night, with her full agreement, and then another parent, knowing this, offers her 25% to cancel me and go with them, I’d consider that a violation of somebody’s code. This is very different from the OPs case, where his wife wants to keep the sitter in some limbo state where she’s always available for her. Yes, its a business, but part of being in the babysitter business is keeping your commitments unless completely impossible. Certainly if I found out that’s what happened, I’d stop using that sitter and let everyone else I know about it as well.
I think that everybody’s missing the most important point here.
Just exactly how hott are these 19 and 20 year-old babysitters, anyway?
OP: if your wife’s friend had been honest from the beginning and said “Could you recommend a sitter for me, someone I can use on a regular basis?” would your wife have given her the referral? Or refused to share information?
I can understand being upset that a friend possibly lied about her intentions, but I’m wondering if she did it out of desperation.
None of us are missing the point. Most of us just don’t agree with you.
I’m not certain the friend’s wife wasn’t being honest. Perhaps the first conversation with the sitter was “Hi- I was wondering if you were available Tuesday, or Wednesday or next Friday”, and then it went from there.
I think everyone’s being a little too hard on Omar. I mean, I wouldn’t want to spend too much time around kids either if I were him, after what happened in that convenience store.
This is what the OP is trying to say.
Let’s say I run the Acme Hotel and on the week of Mar 13- 18, my inn is booked up, with a first time convention.
So the owner of the RoadRunner Inn calls me and says, “I heard you got a convention in town and we still got a lot of rooms to sell. So if you have any extra business for that week, please send it our way.”
Now Mr Coyote calls up the Acme Hotel and wants a room for that week. He’s a good customer and always uses the Acme Hotel. But you don’t have a room for him.
This happens all the time in real life. Do you?
A) Simply tell your best customer you can’t help him?
B) Refer him to the RoadRunner Inn and run the risk in the future Mr Coyote will continute to use that Inn
C) Do you give one of the booked rooms to Mr Coyote and bumb the one of the conventioners, which will almost certainly guarantee that convention won’t be back at your hotel
This is happens all the time in real life. On one hand you want to show Mr Coyote, your best customer you WILL help him, even when it’s not to your advantage. That will impres him. But you also will risk that Mr RoadRunner will pull out all the stops to move the business to his hotel.
Huh?
You’re such a communist!
The OP see the situation in business term. He has a good provider he doesn’t want to share with competitors (his words).
Unfortunately, his wife made the mistake of handing her business secrets to a competitor, without previously signing an agreement of exclusivity with the provider.The rational competitor is now buying the superior services from the OP’s provider. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We’re in a competitive business situation, remember?
IOW : If you think that keeping the names of sitters secret (despite it being harmful for the sitter’s income and the other moms’ needs) is perfectly OK because it’s just business, then you have to apply the same reasoning to the other people involved. They, like you, acted in their best interest, despite it being harmful for you, and you have no reason to complain. You and your wife disregard your sitters’ interests, the other mother disregard yours. Business as usual.
Disclaimer : IANAL, and specifically never studied mom’s code, nor am I licensed in your suburban area so this post should in no way be constructed as legal advice in case you’d sue any party or be sued by any party in your local mom’s court of law.
Omar, no one likes feeling that they’ve been lied to, especially when the someone who lied/didn’t tell the whole truth/hey! circumstances change is a friend or acquaintance.
There’s really nothing to do from your end, though, except know that if you want this particular sitter, you need to anticipate and book her early. Maybe even ask her about establishing a standing weekly date, with the understanding that you’ll pay her for your usual number of hours even if you don’t need her.
And keep growing your pool of available sitters. Turnover is a fact of life, for all sorts of reasons.
Omar Little is a character on The Wire, but I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t seen it.
This.
Is why.
I don’t.
Have kids.
I never learned to negotiate that stuff when I was a teenager, and I’m damned if I’ll subject myself to the seventh-grade mentality suburban moms revert to.
Gary T, your essay was very touching, but may I ask what’s wrong with this suggestion?
There’s nothing inherently wrong with it, but it won’t be applicable to all situations. For one thing, it would hinge on the parents and kids knowing and liking each other well enough to want to have a sleepover. Now, this is very likely the case with the OP’s wife and her good friends, but then they already share sitter information anyway. Another aspect is that only the hosts would not have to deliver and pick up their children – the other parents would have to add that to their schedules. There could be times when that would be a significant inconvenience. It’s certainly fine to do it this way when feasible, but it doesn’t really address the issue as a whole.
Winner, for best post in the thread!
She probably would have shared it with her anyway. It’s the deception that bothered her (not made her flip out ;).
Yep. Trust me, she is always on the prowl for good sitters.
Meh, I’m not sure where all the uproar is coming from. I’ve heard of this “mom code” before, but I think it’s kind of a 1950s good manners throwback type of thing, like men should wear hats and never ever jay walk.
I also think Mrs. Omar has missed some of the subtler aspects of the rules. If you have an ace babysitter that you want to use regularly, don’t share her name or number with anyone who might poach her. On the other hand if you do give up the number (for whatever reason) all bets are off and she’s available for stealing no hard feelings.
Your wife has to let it go, and never make that mistake again. You might try buying her back with a starbucks card or something :D.
I know nothing of this mom code.
If I want to be certain of a babysitter, I book her for a weekly date. I love it when a babysitter just shows up and I don’t even have to remember to call her beforehand!
Yes, one of our sitters has a regular weekly appointment. The other times tend to be more random, and get set up a few days in advance to a few hours in advance.
We typically use a sitter for about 12 hours a week, at $10/hour. Hardly enough, to justify hiring a full time nanny, as consistently suggested. I’ve got no qualms about how we hire baby sitters. That wasn’t the point of the OP.
So he should break her kneecaps!