How would you like your favourite classic novels to be filmed?

Cafe Society
1

Following a disappointing ITV version of Hardy’s The Return of the Native I realised that what I wanted to see was a 7 hour Polish mid 60s version in black and white. There would be minimal dialogue, but lots of long distance atmospheric shots of people on horseback set against misty heathland, and then some Heimat style indoor shots. Most importantly, none of the weather conditions would be faked (I don’t believe the communist authorities would have had many problems with the plot of The Return of the Native).

I’ve said recently on these boards that I think Jane Austen could have been a writer on Larry Saunders or The Office. To that end, I would love to see Emma filmed in that style. I genuinely think there is more than enough in the book to sustain such a script, all the awkwardness, all the feeling of having to allow a stupid person think they’ve won a confrontation, all the lower lip biting. A Cock And Bull Story did this sort of thing with Tristram Shandy recently, so I don’t think I’m talking out of my arse. [Intriguingly, ACaBS covered the same 20% of Tristram Shandy that I’ve got through].

2

Not to piss all over Apocalypse Now, but someone should to a real, gritty, high-budget film version of Heart of Darkness. In the original setting, with all the moral ambiguities intact and with and old over-the-hill action hero (or possibly Hugh Grant) as Kurz.

3

It has crossed my mind that The Story Of O might actually work if they only bothered with the first portion.

4

Yes, that’s the sort of answer I’m looking for, as long as people realise that that the book is set in the Belgian Empire, not the British one. If they could do the right accent (whatever that is), I think Gary Burghoff, or even Jason Alexander, would be better as Kurtz than Hugh Grant, though.

5

Too fat. :slight_smile: I blame Brando. Also, Kurz comes across as very eloquent. ETA: how about van Damme?

6

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Forget what I wrote! It’s the British Empire! It’s the French Empire! It’s the Dutch Empire! The Belgians had nothing to do with it!

7

Hahah. I’m serious. I think van Damme has it in him, as long as he has a really good director. I liked some of the stuff he did in Time Cop.

8

Ok, out of interest, were you serious about Hugh Grant?

9

Yes. Have you read the book?

10

Yes I have, in your first post it just sounded like you might have been being flippant. I’d love to see Grant as Kurtz, though it might require some Fitzcarraldo style psychcopathy to get the right depth out of him. He’d probably be better as the narrator Marlow (who I think is meant to be English). You’d still need to hit him with cudgels every day to get him to act properly though. I wasn’t really joking about Burghoff or Alexander - say if we both had a spare £50m we could maybe start some discussions…