I was inspired by this thread in MPSIMS about not answering the phone. It reminded me of an idea I had for improving the standard answering machine to be more like a butler than a trained parrot.
The idea is fairly simple; when someone calls you, your phone doesn’t ring at all, instead, the machine answers the call and prompts the caller through some simle questions - who they are, who they would like to speak with, why they are calling, etc. It then places the caller on hold while it tries to get your attention. If you are home, the machine will ask you if you would like to take a call from party A about subject B. If you’re not in, or don’t feel like talking, the machine tells the caller to leave a detailed message or try again later. You would also be able to pre-program certain numbers to be allowed immediate access (like your kids, parents, bookie, whatever).
I think this is extremely possible with current technology for not too much $$$. So who would like to have an answering machine like this, or would like to offer a better idea for one?
It’d be cool if the answering machine had caller ID, and you could whitelist numbers. Whitelisted numbers just ring. Non-whitelisted numbers are diverted to the answering machine. Then you wouldn’t have to check the caller ID yourself. You’d know that if the phone actually rings, its somebody you want to talk to.
Rhubarb, I’d love to have one of your machines, but I’d hate to call one.
::Imagines herself, tentatively identifying self and stating the reason for her call and waiting hopefully for the judge’s decision. Am I worth talking to today??::
I’m buying!
It would be also nice to have a feature that allowed you to leave a message for someone else. For example, if you have to run to the store but you think your SO might be calling any second, you could leave a message only accessible by your SO telling him/her to call you on your cell, or whatever.
Telemarketers would automatically get the “please take this number off of your calling list” message or the “kiss my ass” message, whichever you prefer.
I love the white list idea. I might add that when an unidentified caller goes to voicemail, before the greeting the answering machine would emit that do doo dooo disconnected number sound. IIRC, the telespammers autodialing software automatically removes these numbers.
I’d settle for a dynamic LCD screen as part of the user interface. I’m tired of phones/answering machines with 20+ buttons, all to do different tasks, while I have to navigate a complicated menu tree of stuff to access the various features. Hell, rip off the interface from the iPod for a start.
Adding features is easy; making the features accessible is an art.
Well, this is certainly a topical thread.
Inventer Joseph Zimmermann, originator of the first answering machine, died last week.
The original model came in three pieces-- a unit that physically picked up the telephone handset, another that played the outgoing message (recorded on a phonograph disk), and a third unit that recorded the caller’s message on magnetic wire.
As to the OP, I have long wanted a machine that would deliver different outgoing messages based on caller ID data. A default message for unspecified numbers. Think your sweetie is likely to call while you’re in the shower? Leave a message reminding them to pick up a bottle of Merlot on the way over – and not that French plonk, either. Kiss kiss. 
My idea A.M. would only allow my phone to ring when I would like to take that call at that moment, would allow a VM for calls I would like to hear at a later time, would simulate a VM for those calls I don’t want to hear but don’t want to hurt the fealings of the caller by rejecting their call, and would lob ICBM’s (and not notify me) at any callers I don’t want.
Blow up all of the “sonofabitches” and replace with “caller ID”. PERIOD 
My answering machine would have a different form of caller ID.
Those whom you will speak to, get the answering machine.
Those whom you will always speak to no matter what, ring for you.
Those whom are on the blacklist, have their call reassigned into the vortex of phone numbers out there and find that they are not calling Shirley Ujest at 555-1212, but Bob’s Sex Shop in San Fransisco.
Thus charging them more money to call you, having them wonder how that happen and when they call you back again, their call is redirected to Bangkok Express Massage Parlor in Hoboken.
A new place every time. Until they just give up.
If they are exceptionally persistant, the more calls they try to make you to just reroutes overseas, to China or some lonely sheep rancher in New Zealand.