“It is in vain to hope to please all alike. Let a man stand with his face in what direction he will, he must necessarily turn his back on one half of the world.” -
– George Dennison Prentice
Christopher Marlowe is always good:
Nature that fram’d us of four elements,
Warring within our breasts for regiment,
Doth teach us to have aspiring minds:
Our souls, whose faculties can comprehend
The wondrous Architecture of the world:
And measure every wand’ring planet’s course,
Still climbing after knowledge infinite,
And always moving as the restless Spheres,
Will us to wear ourselves and never rest,
Until we reach the ripest fruit of all,
That perfect bliss and sole felicity,
The sweet fruition of an earthly crown.
{Tamburlaine, 1.1.869}
Or, more pithily:
I count religion but a childish toy,
And hold there is no sin but ignorance.
{The Jew Of Malta, 1.1.14}
Or, if you want some pop culture:
These are not the breasts you’re looking for.
The quote I had written on my school shirt this year (a gift from Student Council) is:
Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo. - Virgil, Aeneid, VII, 312
(If I can’t move Heaven, I’ll raise Hell.)
Beyond pessimism: “Who the fuck drank half of my glass of water?”
-Tcat
I think I’d be a bit nervous if someone was staring at my chest long enough to read all that. But maybe that’s the effect you’re going for?
Well, if you eschew scrutiny, there’s always “These are not the breasts you’re looking for.”
“Ride the slide.”
I’d love an ornate coat of arms with a latin scroll that translates to “Ride the slide”. What a waste of latin.
but realistically
“Hurry up!”
or maybe
“Your mundane anecdote has failed, try again.” (Men In Hats)
When I was the acting boss for a week, my email signature was “Power corrupts, and absolute power is really neat.”
One of the Demotivators at www.despair.com says something about absolute power and how it corrupts, “but it absolutely rocks, too.” 
Thoughtful:
“The secret to a long life is knowing when it’s time to go”
Less thoughtful:
“Fuck this, I’m going home”
“What Would Jeeves Do?”
Back in my younger wilder days, I was at a Grateful Dead concert, feeling the vibe… I was in the aisle dancing, playing air guitar, having a good ole time. In a rare moment of clarity, I asked my druggie friend/acquaintance, “What are all of these people going to think of me?”
He replied, “They’re all watching you, to show them what to do.”
Eschew obfuscation
I already have the shirt:
*
Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill.*
Veni Vici Velcro
(I came, I saw, I stuck around.)
Front (done tastefully, almost as a monogram): Gentleman Pervert
Back (my old sig around here): Chivalry Was Invented by an Ass Man
I had a shirt custom-made that says the following (with the same emphasis):
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” -Proverbs 22:24-25
We should all live by that philosophy. Then assholes would be lonely.
don’t ask…no, really, don’t