She’s a grown up and can live with the consquences of her decisions.
One of my best friends in college chose not to use deoderant, as part of her general preference to keep things au naturale, and she did smell fairly strong. Being in a close space with her wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, but it’s my choice who I hang out with, and her choice in how she grooms herself. I guess I just don’t see where I’d get off telling someone I’m not sleeping with how to groom themselves to meet my preferences.
But clearly she or you at least broached the subject at some point. I don’t want to tell her what to do, but I do want to make her aware of how noticeable it is to others, which she legitimately might not be aware of. Whatever she does with that info is up to her.
First of all, don’t let on that it is a habitual thing. Just say something like “Whoa! Babe! Your deodorant failed.” or “Hmmmm…might need to take a shower.” A little in-your-face, but, in a good buddy sort of way.
Next time she stinks up the place, do the same thing. She’ll start to catch on, with a minimum of embarrassment.
In some cultures, foul body odor is a sign of affluence and wisdom. The person with the most revolting, eye-watering funk is appointed chieftain, and anyone caught bathing is publicly excoriated and runs the risk of permanent expulsion from and shunning by the tribe. The admiration for paint-peeling, gag-inducing stench is so prevalent that tribe members who are caught committing petty crimes like raping a chicken are sometimes punished with a Sitz bath, anointed with Axe Body Spray, and forced to run a gauntlet under the other villagers’ raised armpits while being pelted with fresh flowers as a sign of contempt. They then must wait three days and three nights before being allowed to roll around in zebra dung. It all sounds odd to our Western ears, but they would find our customs like Soap-on-a-Rope and jamless toe crevasses just as baffling.
My husband is a bit (well, actually a lot) obsessive about things. He has read some stuff about deodorant containing aluminum and contributing to alzheimers. He has stopped wearing deodorant. The other night I woke from a sound sleep because I got a whiff of his BO. He showers every day, but it’s hot here in Georgia, and deodorant is a necessity. I have teased him about it and tried to be as tactful as possible, but he still refuses to wear it. Apparently he thinks stinking is preferable to alzheimers.
Hopefully your friend doesn’t have a similar worry.
Some people have glandular issues or whatever that makes them smell stronger than other folks. That’s to say they can do the same upkeep, showering, bathing, whatever, but smell like a foot nevertheless.
There’s also the natural product set, who reject Mitchum for Tom’s of Maine products and that ilk. My wife is one of these. However, she uses a brand that is pretty good (Lush?) but yeah, on a hot day, nothing natural can match up to chemicals by Mennen.
I think I’d have to be direct, but at the same time, if I really liked this person, just point it out, but tell her you’re fine being her around her regardless of her (in)action on the issue. Something like, “This is difficult for me to say, but a lot of times you smell (sweaty?) to me. It doesn’t bother me a whole lot, but I didn’t know whether you were aware of it, or not.” If she’s amenable you can rate it (very strong to faint). You can also attribute the smelliness to your hypersensitivity.
Well this is an interesting thread. I am one of those people who showers about 5 times a week, rarely uses deoderant, and never has BO, as affirmed to me by my girlfriend, who is often in close proximity to me, and sometimes engaged in vigorous physical activity in very close proximity to me, and would tell me in no uncertain terms if I smelled bad (and I would notice right away even if she didn’t say anything because the vigorous physical activity would come to a halt). So those of you say those people who claim they don’t need to shower and use deoderant are the worst stinkers and just as wrong as those claiming that if you merely shower every day you won’t stink. It takes me about three days of no showering and wearing the same clothes to develop BO - I know because I smell it clearly, myself.
As for the stinky friend, my advice is to tell her, in a friendly but absolutely blunt and forthright way that she smells bad. Engage in a short discussion about it, then I guess I’d drop it and not bring it up again unless she does.
I’ve only met one person in my life who is willing to admit being the “stinky” girl. She once told me that her boss sat her down and informed her about her BO. She was horrified, but it must have worked because I’ve never known her to stink. And it didn’t traumatize her too bad since she talked about it.
I worked with a woman who had no sense of smell. She was born without a sense of smell. It never came up in conversation, because to her it was normal and when people commented on odors, she would just smile and go along. Apparently being born without a sense of smell is not totally uncommon.
Like people have said, you get used to the odors that you’re routinely exposed to. I live in fear that I will go to an office smelling like horse muck because I pick stalls daily and really don’t smell it the way others do.
Many odors are a bacteria problem. If you don’t want to wear deodorant, then get a small bottle of either tea tree oil or oregano oil and use that (diluted) on your smelly bits. Those will kill most bacteria, once you’ve done it on a routine basis and have the bacteria colony under control, the smell should not be the same problem as before (*note, oregano oil burns the skin, so dilute it and even then don’t put it on sensitive bits). Ammonia in the wash kills many bacteria on your clothes. I once had a problem and couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. It turned out that my shaver was the culprit. So every time I showered and then AFTER that shaved, I basically re-infested my pits with the bacteria. So, I switched to disposable razors and that solved that.
You might try diluted tea tree oil, then bring it up in conversation with her about this new thing that you’re trying.
I personally don’t like the stick/gel deodorants that are sold. They all seem to give me rashes and other problems. The tea tree or oregano oils can also give you a good rash if you don’t dilute them enough, but it doesn’t take much to be effective (especially with oregano).
“Hey, I just won a coupon for a makeover at (insert trendy smell-good place here) in the office raffle, and it’s really not my kind of thing. Would you be interested?”
There’s no aluminum in talc/baby powder. Shower, soaping and rinsing the armpits well, dry thoroughly (a nice strong fan helps), and baby powder. My wife loves it. (Don’t get the kind with cornstarch.)
Perhaps she has an objection to aluminum so if you go with a lighthearted, “Hey woman, your deodorant has failed you” then be prepared to offer araminty’s suggestion. My favorite is the Crystal roll-on, and hey impatien there is one particularly for men now.
There is a smelly, greasy, sloppy woman at work that I have agonized over having “the chat” with. I almost left a shampoo/deodorant gift bag on her desk at Christmas but decided that was just too mean. I think if we were friends I’d have to confront the situation.
I just trained a new employee which means we spent 6 weeks working very closely together. She is awesome- a nice, bright young lady with all the assets she needs to be successful. She was the easiest trainging I have done in my 14 years! But, she has the worst breath. I wanted to tell her and asked someone else to do it, but we both chickened out. So, give me the words…
I dunno, think of all the people on the Dope who talk about not needing to shower every day or not needing deodorant and who make a huge point to say that they DEFINITELY don’t have BO. Sure, it might work for some of them, but there might be a whole lot of deluded, stinky people out there.