The good kind. (Said by someone who watched her aunt die inch by inch, operation after operation, over three dreadful years.)
Why is it that, in any given concert, we are invariably seated near or next to the biggest horse’s ass in the entire audience? At one last week, there were two women just in front of us doing the woooo-hoooo bullshit throughout the concert, writhing in ecstasy, and generally being idiots.
Last night, in a nightclub setting, there was one guy who stood through the entire hour set, giving out with the occasional WOOHOO!, doing some sort of fist pumping thing from time to time, and clapping on the one and four during the jazz numbers. Mind you, he was the only one in the place doing any of this.
I know that alcohol is a prime mover in most all of this, but how is it that we are almost always seated by these nitwits?
Holy fuck I hurt.
Maybe you should change your alcohol of choice.
One and FOUR?
I wondered if anyone would catch that. This guy was worse than a one-and-three clapper, as he had zero clues as to tempo, rhythm or anything else to do with music.
Yes, I know it’s already March, but this happened in February.
It would take an entire brand-new language to adequately describe how much I hate Beijing. Of course, there are the usual complaints: smokers everywhere because God forbid anyone recognize let alone obey a “no smoking” sign, dog shit everywhere because God forbid anyone put their critter on a leash, baby shit everywhere because God forbid anyone put their kid in diapers, litter everywhere because God forbid anyone actually be responsible and putfd their damn trash in the trash cans. Seriously, the place actually looks like a scene from The Day After. And then there are the lunatic drivers who cannot be bothered with obeying even the most basic traffic regulations. Nah, but that pales in comparison to the fun had in the taxi line at the airport at one in the fucking morning when I returned to this shit-hole laughingly referred to as a capital city.
The lines were quite long, but to be fair the taxis were coming at a quicker rate than usual for the time of day (er, night), and the people in charge of herding both passengers and taxis were doing a rather good job of it until the jackass arrived on scene. The jackass was pushing, I assume, his grandmother in a wheelchair. I was standing in line with another American because we had agreed to share a cab. The other American (let’s call him Buff since he is a bit taller than I and he was built strong; also, he’s Chinese-American and speaks the lingo here) and I get to the front of the line and there aren’t any taxis in sight. Jackass rams the wheelchair into both of us and says in English, “Get out of the way, motherfuckers”. I turned around and told him, “You need to learn patience”. Buff and I then continue our conversation. Jackass comes up to me and says, “Hey, motherfucker…” while putting his finger in my chest. Buff pushes his hand away and tells him, “Keep you hands to yourself” while I tell him not to touch me. Next thing you know, Jackass has started hitting. His first blow was cartoonish: he tried to hit me with his right hand and Buff with his left hand at the same time. He completely missed me. Buff, knowing the local law, did not fight back; he just squatted with his arms over his head and told me to call the police. Jackass keeps throwing punches at Buff. I put my arm up and shouted “Police, police, police”, but I didn’t really have to do that. The cops were on the scene immediately.
The police quiz Buff and then Jackass separately. Buff and the police ask me if I would make a witness statement. I figured, hell yes, the stupid jackass needs to go to jail. The cops videotaped everything. They taped me making my statement, they taped Jackass being pissy, they taped Buff making his statement, they even taped the cops asking the questions. They also taped Jackass’ mom who tried to get them to arrest me. I guess she figured out it wasn’t going to go well for her precious spawn.
After about an hour and a half of this, about an hour of it the cops telling Jackass, “It’s all on tape; you’re going to go to jail now if you don’t apologize to Buff and pay the man; you are wrong; you will go to jail”, Jackass finally came to his sense (yeah, singular; there’s no way that brainless wonder has senses) and agreed to pay Buff. Buff first asked for 2,013 RMB. The cops gave him a smirk and said, “Come on; don’t be that way.” Buff agreed to take 2,000 RMB (about US$300).
The cops were amazing. I don’t have a problem with the police in this city. It’s the population they serve. As I said, it’ll take an entire brand-new language to adequately describe how much I hate this city.
By the way, it’s not all of China I hate. I rather liked the town I lived in down in Guangdong.