I got an interesting Email, some of the points are bit of a stretch so take with a grain or two of salt:
It is tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to
believe concurrently that:
Jesus loves you, but shares your deep hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.
Standing Tall for America means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
HMOs and insurance companies make huge profits by having nothing but the interest of the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
It is okay that the Bush family’s Carlisle Group has done millions of business with the Bin Laden family.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, but then a bad guy again when Bush junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the war President.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about WMD existence to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war and occupation, in which thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is, somehow, solid defense policy in the War against Terrorism.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which should include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy’s library, and is none of our business.
What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960’s was of vital national interest but what Bush did in the 80’s is irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is OK for your Daddy and his friends (here and in Saudi Arabia) to get you to graduate from Yale without studying much, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to bail out your companies (Harken Oil and theTexas Rangers), to get the Governorship of Texas and then to have the Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.
You are a conservative, but it is OK to spend like there is no tomorrow, and run up deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people who do not need it.
Contemplating these illogical paradoxes can take a toll on a healthy mind. So if a friend of yours has been acting a bit dazed and confused lately, be nice: he or she may be a Republican.
I gotta ask, what’s the point of this little exercise? Personally, I find OP’s quoted message just about as annoying and simple-minded as any of the broad-brush, half-truth Republican glurge out there. Let’s insult all Republicans, simply for being Republicans. Yeah, that sounds like a plan for bringing the country together.
Yeah, a few of them are funny, to me at least (mostly in the group 1-10), but many fall flat and several, as usual for this sort of thing, strike me as plain wrong (although I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste any more time on this researching it).
Not even The New York Post is buying this one. According to Bloomberg, officials of the Bush Adminstration aren’t buying it, nor are the folks from the U.N. atomic agency. The Iraqi Interior Ministry labeled the report, “Stupid.”
First, the OP was hilarous (and chillingly sad). Thanks!
Second, the only Republican I’ll hug is my dad.
Oh boy, it’s such an important story it’s the second story after boogyman Sandy Berger.
Also, if it’s so important, why bury it in a thread about lefty spam instead of shouting it from the hills in a thread of its own?
Important word there.
Oh, scary! What official sources?
Make sure they’re near where Saddam had access to them. I suppose he’d have to go push the button himself, or throw them.
Which is it, discovered by chance or found via interrogation? What kind of interrogation? Abu Ghraib-type interrogation?
I’d really like to know what this means. Perhaps they were under concrete that had been poured over them? More info needed.
And what the heck does “unable” mean? Do those Moon cultists at the Times have editors?
Oooh, make him sound really important, because he’s related to this guy who has an important-sounding title and was Saddam’s supposed “right-hand man.”
I’m impressed that they added that bit! I don’t think Rush or Bill would have.
Wow, this is fun and I’m not really all that bright. I’ll bet it’s a blast for people who are sharp and know what they’re doing.
Hug a Republican? But won’t I get cooties??? :eek:
I understand where you’re coming from, but given that the level-headed fiscal-conservative traditional-value Republicans are all mixed in with the Bush-worshipping war-mongering nutsy-cuckoo hypocritical Republicans these days, it’s so hard to separate the sensible guys from the nutjobs.
And let’s face it, “It is tough to be a Bush-worshipping war-mongering nutsy-cuckoo hypocritical Republican in 2004” isn’t half as catchy.
No, no, no. You don’t have to hate homosexuals personally. You just have to vote for people who consistently and systematically chip away at the rights of homosexuals, while simultaneously absolving yourself of any personal responsibility by making claims that it’s not a partisan issue, or that the bill will never pass, or that it’s just a harmless political ploy as if that’s somehow an excuse.
That’s the great thing about a representative democracy.
'Scuse me, I have to go bleach my brain to expunge the image of a missile fitted with an ancient VW bus, filled with scruffy people wearing t-shirts blazoned with the image of Jerry Garcia superimposed over a mushroom cloud. . . .
Some of them are even true.