Aaaaaand there’s your game changer. If you are a manager, then you have the responsibility to let HR know there is a potential problem ehre. what if he smacks somone whose religion forbids that sprt of contact? Keep your hands to youself is Kindergarten level stuff, and a manager who doesn’t is a nightmare waiting to happen.
Also, the fact that the employee hasn’t just told him speaks volumes. If my employees didn’t feel free to tell me something I did was bothering them I’d count myself a total failure. It’s bad management all around.
I think the right course of action is a call to the anonymous line you mentioned. Tell them that you’ve seen this manager whacking folks on the butt, and list whatever else is described in the above. (And tell us too! I’m curious now!) Tell them that you think a quiet word with him now might prevent a larger problem down the line.
Not letting someone know when they are screwing up is in itself an aggressive act. Allowing them to blithely continue a behavior they don’t know is destructive is cruel, IMHO. If you can just inform him yourself in that frame of mind, it would be the best answer. “Hey, you know, If it were me, I’d want some one to tell me. . .”
But if you can’t do that, then call HR. Uncomfortable conversations are their forte, and if they’re good, they’ll be able to do it graciously.
For me I’d just tell him - “hey boss, don’t touch my butt, or my wife will get jealous”
So I guess I am in the “man upp and say something” camp - but I would also keep it light hearted, being a doofus sometime myself I don’t need a lecture, but just a kindly word
I also support directly confronting the manager about it. Why would you go above his head to HR without speaking to him first? That’s terribly insulting, demeaning, and even malicious, given what the consequences might be.
If there is so much fear regarding the manager that one cannot approach them at all, then perhaps a complaint should be made about the general failures of this manager instead, in addition to the butt-smacking.
I’d also add: “That’s completely inappropriate in an office setting.”
He’s not obligated to give the manager a reason, of course (“I don’t want you to” is always enough of a reason), but it might emphasize the point and help the manager not to “forget” later, or to continue doing it to others because it’s just that one stick-in-the-mud who doesn’t like it.
Which brings up the obvious question: who in hell doesn’t realize that this is completely inappropriate in an office setting? I suspect there’s more going on than ignorance.
I’m thinking of John Turner, who replaced Pierre Trudeau as prime minister of Canada in 1984. After 10 years out of politics in the business world, he romped to a quick win as PM. In one of his first public events as PM, he greeted one of his cabinet ministers by patting her on the butt as they hugged during public introductions. She was prtty quick on the uptake, and retaliated by patting his ass. His quip - not heard by the TV cameras, reported later, was “I hope you felt the perfect ass…”
There was much comment about how the good old boy’s club in Canada’s version of Wall St. had not evolved with the times or kept up with gender equality issues…
Anyway, a few months later after similar gaffes, his opponent won the largest majority in Canadian history despite a less than stellar reputation for integrity.
I don’t know where/what environments those of you are in that say this is somewhat normal. I live in California and I got to say I never see butt touches outside of nightclubs and couples doing a pda outside of a work environ.
Document the instances with dates and times and witnesses before confronting boss or HR. You don’t have to mention you did this, but if you ever get negative consequences because of your reporting the incidents this could save your butt, so to speak.
