Another from Return of the Pink Panther (Nearly 30 years old, and holding up pretty well)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus has been having troubles with a cigarette lighter shaped like a pistol, and had an earlier mishap where he mistook a real pistol for the lighter and singes his face. While speaking with Clouseau, he gets exasperated and points the lighter at his face and clicks the trigger. No flame. Clouseau says “You need a new flint” and leaves. Dreyfus pounds the lighter on the desk. BANG! Wasn’t the lighter after all. His assistant runs into the office as Dreyfus is under the desk - “Don’t just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor. And then help me find my nose!”
Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs is enough to make you pee from laughing so hard.
Yeeeeeeeeeeears and years ago he also did a column entitled “Martian Death Flu” that described a bout of the flu that he and his wife had (the kind of flu in which even your hair hurts). His then-4 year old kid was having a ball doing whatever he wanted as they lay in bed suffering. Classic.
Bill Cosby’s spiel about giving his kids chocolate cake for breakfast. Also his routine on Noah (NOAH? How fast can you tread water?).
Speaking of Noah, Eddie Izzard’s speedboat routine is hilarious:
God: “Noah I want you to build an ark.”
Noah: “I’m going to build a speeboat. A speedboat’s much faster, shoot across the water much faster. Be great photos for the Bible.”
There is a Dilbert strip in which Dogbert is getting ready to start his own cult. He’s interviewing a woman as a potential convert, and she’s telling him how she’s already been taken by several other cults. I laugh every time I see the ending where he asks her “Can you chant?”
The X Files episode entitled “Bad Blood.”
The sex education episode of The Wonder Years. Especially the part where the gym teacher draws a picture of a uterus with ovaries and one of the boys wants to know if the ovaries are the ears (it looks like a cow’s head, see).
However …
The Funniest. Damn. Thing. On. Tv. Ever. Is:
AS GOD AS MY WITNESS I THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY!!!
That bit never made sense to me. Carlson called that stunt “The Big Turkey Giveaway.” But if they could fly – how could he be sure people could catch them? Couldn’t they just fly away?
The first time I saw ‘Manos’ on MST3K, I was ill with flu, and all wrapped up immobile on my chair, just miserable – when they came to one of the driving scenes where it’s simply the camera looking out through the windscreen from the POV of the back seat, no dialogue, and Tom Servo is going on and on and on about his ‘20 year plan’, I just fell apart laughing, and ended up literally choking for breath…nice, really…
The first Black Adder series I saw was the Elizabethan series, and they absolutely floored me with laughter – I was actually quite worried that the quality of the writing wouldn’t be sustained over the course of the show!
Also, sifting, I can’t find the post above, but I agree with the poster who wrote about MST3K’s ‘Werewurves’ and Tom Servo singing opera with every shot of the wolf’s agape-jawed skull…
The scene where the “lead clone” doesn’t give his all during a race and is questioned by one of the “referees”:
Clone: “I just didn’t feel like winning.”
Referee: “I’m going to have to report this.”
Clone: “Why?”
Referee: “I’m going to have to report that, too.”
Tom: “Wow, this is really starting to add up!”
Rowan Atkinson getting his head stuck in a turkey as ‘Mr. Bean’.
Maybe it’s just the whole ‘head stuck in a turkey’ thing but I also love the episode of Friends where Monica is trying to cheer Chandler up (can’t remember why) and she puts her head in a turkey, whacks some giant sunglasses on it and does a little shimmy dance! Hilarious! Then it scares the heck out of Joey when he enters the room.
One of the most laugh-inducing things I’ve ever seen is the original Spirit of Christmas short which was the inception of South Park. For months thereafter I would start laughing when I thought of the line “Dude, don’t say Pig F*cker in front of Jesus”.
To change tacks slightly, the “funniest things said during sex” thread here on the SDMB is absolutely brilliant.
An Eddie Izzard that hasn’t been mentioned and is NOT from Dress to Kill but from either Definite Article or Unrepeatable (I don’t have the CDs with me right now) is the James Bond sketch. Drop dead funny, all the funky tools MI5 come up with (“jam trousers”) and the villian with the faulty voicebox machine. Izzard does a great Sean Connery by the way.
I think it’s Parts: The Clonus Horror. Either way…
Good call, rexnervous.
“4:54 PM, begin autopsy on white male, age 60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am … although not by much. I’ll begin with the “y” incision. Yee-haw.”
Oh, and sqweels, I’m not a big fan of the farting scene either. I love most of Korman’s scenes, like the Bad Guy Pledge and “kin-ky.” My favorite Mel Brooks scenes are the brilliant ‘plotting’ scene in High Anxiety where Cloris Leachman and Korman are planning to trap Mel. It’s shot upward through the table they’re eating off of, and the camera has to keep moving as Cloris keeps putting food down on top of it. I love it. But nothing compares to the big musical number in Springtime for Hitler. When the camera goes to that overhead shot and you see the Nazis are dancing in swastika formation… that still kills me.
Large chunks of several Marx Brothers movies, as others have said. Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, most of A Day at the Races (“thank yu”)…
Monk, almost every episode. Although my favorite is the part in Mr. Monk and the Red-Headed Stranger when Monk is supposed to play a clarinet solo during a Willie Nelson radio concert. As Willie is singing “Georgia On My Mind”, another man (one of the band?) takes Monk’s clarinet and puts it into his own mouth to wet the reed, and thus making it impossible for Monk to play.
I just watched this episode on DVD the other night and it set me right off again.
I have a friend whose life is an eternal source of hilarity.
His freshman year of college, he was in our dorm lobby when the guys noticed there were cute girls all dressed up outside. Our dorm was into a hill, so to see the girls better out of the high windows, he stood on a chair. Instead of stepping back onto the floor though, he fell off. Great moment, but it doesn’t beat his retelling of this story a year later - “…I was going to get off when (laughter)…”
Then, in talking to some other guys about the hardships of having long distance relationship, they said phone conversations can’t replace physically being there (she’d visited the week before) and he replied, “Hey, she came.”
One more…we got a new fire alarm system in our dorm. First drill, he wonders around his room thinking it’s the Apocolypse. (Yes, it was that bad - my roommate and I had a five minute conversation about what the noise was - 7am and sleeping college students makes for a bad response to fire drills )
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