Humour about the war

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

satirical observations about the war…

On british TV a Teacher talking to a class of 10-11 year olds

Teacher; " Class what is our topic for today?"
Class; “WAR”
Just needed one child to shout “HUH what is it good for?”

That would have made the Ten o’Clock news much funnier. A missed oportunity.

UK news again, G W Bush standing at a podium with the British, American, Spanish and Bulgarian flags. I could just imagine some hassled Whitehouse aide running about like a hedless chicken trying to find a Bulgarian flag.

Anyone else spotted any amusing war things??? good taste only…

2

Prediction:

A bunch of french jokes
But for my part, I see the Iraqis and the American GI’s charging at each other when all of a sudden you hear “CUT” and Martin Scorsese runs out - “Come on, people, I need more . . . MORE!!!”

Alternately, I see some journalist-cameraman making a nuisance out of himself to a Marine, who takes care of the problem with a few rounds. . .

Hey! It’s funny in /my/ head!

3

I picture the ground forces closing in on each other, getting ready for the giant bloodbath. Suddenly all the vehicles from both forces stop and everyone gets out and begins walking towards each other.

Iraq soldier: “Hey, Bill! How are ya! How’ve you been!”
US soldier: “I’m doing fine Akhbar. How are your wives?”
Iraq soldier: “Good. But if they keep buying black robes at Mohammad’s Discount Store I’ll be broke!”

And on and on as everyone reminisces about the last war and cathes up on what everyon’es been doing. After an hour of two everyone heads back to their tanks and proceeds to shoot each other.

4

I also find the Fact that britains Highly Trained forces have Tanks which dont work in the sand. Hmmm even the specialist desert Rats kinda dont really get on with the sand. The training should have included a weekend in blackpool.

The SUN is a British newspaper that brings even the most important issues onto a level where they can use one of thier ‘Page 3 Lovelies’ (Basicly a topless model). I’m hoping that in the new world of sharing and embracing different cultures we can have the ‘Breasts across the Tigris feature’ With Jo, 19, Birmingham and Hayat, 22, Baghdad.

5

It’s not really humorous except that it’s true, but…
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.”

I don’t know who said it, a friend of mine was sent it in an email.

6

I keep imagining an American soldier on a secret mission digging his way toward the heart of Baghdad. Of course, when he pops up, ready to rock-n-roll Rambo-style, he’s not in Iraq, but Turkey. Or the Belgian countryside. Or downtown Helsinki. “Shoulda took a left turn at Alburquque.” The accent, of course, is like that of a certain New Yawk Rabbit.

I’m also ready for the French to “get their act together” so the Foreign Legion can get in on the war. The need for the Marines will be completely obviated once Legionnaire LePew arrives. Unless, of course, Saddam’s sexy pet cat walks under a freshly painted white ladder . . .

And on preview I must say that I got a kick out of iydkiwt’s post. :slight_smile:

7

That much is from Chris Rock, at one of the MTV award shows.

8

My favorite was scrolled across the bottom of CNN.
“If you have to ask… then it is not Shock and Awe.”

I found that highly amusing.

9

When does Saddam Hussein have lunch?
When Tariq Aziz

Saddam has ordered that all Iraqi women shave off their pubic hair - it’s all part of his anti-Bush campaign.

10

France has sent supplies to the Iraqi military.
White Flags.

11

From a post in a slashdot thread last night

Sung to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it”

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It’s “pre-emptive non-aggression”, bomb Iraq.
Let’s prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They’ve got weapons we can’t see,
And that’s good enough for me,
'Cos it’s all the proof I need to
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam’s gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corp’rate fraud is growin’, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin’, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
Let’s make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

12

When does Saddam Hussein have lunch? When Tariq Aziz

Maybe I don’t know how to pronounce Tariq Aziz’s name, but I don’t get the joke.

13

As-is. When Tariq (h)as (h)is.

14

Its a sad fact, that if the Iraqi’s cant kill British and American troops then we will quite happily do it for them. Not funny but…

24 hour Kuwate cam’s quite funny as it shows a normal city.

On the subject of Granny Glasses most of the Iraqi goverment seem to have them. Is that a sure fire way to spot them? If so my Gran is in trouble?

Scud Bunkers… Trenches in the Desert.

On british TV highly Trained expet in converstaion with anchor Woman.

Expert; “Yes as i was saying many Troops will simply surrender to the allies… In fact as we speak there is a man surrendering to that hellecopter, look at him waving his hands”
Presentor Woman; “Erm… No. He would be a member of the Army Guiding the Copter into land. Actually”

15

I’ve always had fun with the idea of Saddam having a mistress. It’s got to be the highest-pressure job in the world. “Oh, honey, of course that was the greatest sex ever. Ever. The earth moved. The neighbors are going to need a cigarette.”

Plus, of course, there were jokes writing themselves when CNN quoted a mistress as saying that wasn’t him on the video.

16

This actually made me laugh out loud. :smiley:

17

Are you sure that wasn’t a Portuguese flag? At the Azores Summit?

18

Ah yes you are probably right, I didn’t watch the entire broadcast and just thought that with it beeing Bulgaria and Spain beeing touted in the British media as UK-US main supporters. it would be thier flag sorry…

19

** jweb, ** That’s hilarious! Thanks for a much-needed laugh.

20

We’ll personally with all the over the top, offensive stereotyping going around(Bush as out of control cowboy, Blair as his spineless bitch, Powell as an Uncle Tom sellout to the repubs, Chirac as a cowardly snob, and Schroeder as hypocrite) I keep getting this Monty Python esque little play in my head.

A cross between Yosemite Sam and Slim Pickens as Bush.
MP french knight(John Cleese) as Chirac.
Coronel Clink as Schroeder
Amos or Andy as Powell
MP Black Knight as Saddam
MP Swamp Castle prince as Blair.

Bush: All right you Yellow-bellied WMD using Varmit. This desert ain’t big enough for the two off us. You have till high noon to git out.

Saddam. You shall not pass!!! I shall rule forever.

Bush: You barely have an army? I can kill you and all your lilly-livered, gang with one six-shooter tied behind my back.

Saddam I am invincible!!!
Bush: you’re a looney.

…
Bush: All right you scoundrels, lets get mounted up and go deal with that bunker digging pest.

Blair: (whining) Weeeel, Okaaaayyyy. I’m right behind you.

Chirac. Non. You did not say ‘S’il vous plaît’. I will sit here eating bon bons and cheese you silly cowboy.

Shroeder: Ja. Ve Germans do not believe in var. To invade anoser country is unsinkable to us.

Bush: Why you rascin-frascin-son of a gun cowards what do you mean you won’t fight.

Blair: (whining) yeaaheah we always used to fight together can’t we do it for old times sake?

Chirac. Non! you empty-headed english leader.

Bush: We are seeking the end to terrorism!

Chirac: No thanks, we already got one.

Blair: (whining) Pleeeeaaaaaaseeeee?

Chirac: Go away before I taunt you a second time. Even the Dutch do not wish to fight!

the Dutch: (putting down joint) Uhhh… whaa. Huh… na uhh no we don’t want to fight.

Powell: What the massa is sayin, is that we have these here satty-light pict-shaws. Sadam bein a bad man, he a really bad man. The massa wants a kick his ass.

Chirac: I do not care. I will notfight with him, until he appologises.

Bush: (Folds his arm and turns his back) I ain’t pologising fur nutin, till he apologises first.

Chirac: (Folds his arms and turns his back) I will not. Hurumph

Blair: (still whining): Pleeeese. Can’t we just do it just this once?

Chirac: Non!

Schroeder: Nein!

Bush: Well if that don’t just beat all. Well we don’t need you yellow-bellied traitors anyway, comeon Blair we got some rootin-tootin-shootin to do. Yeeehaaaaa!
Well it funny to me.