First, congrats!
For our first, after 16 hours of labor as my wife was almost there they realized my daughter’s irregular heartbeat was real, not a bad connection. They delivered her with forceps since she was too far along for a C-section. It turns out the problem was one that usually solved itself (and it did) but it was rather amazing how a relaxed situation suddenly became urgent. They took her into the OR and I got to watch through the window. I was very glad I was there.
Our second was induced because she was late, and it was all quite normal and civilized, so I got to be there for one at least.
[quote=“The_Flying_Dutchman, post:11, topic:602210”]
My father was not allowed to witness the birth of my siblings in Canada during the 50s and early 60s. He thought that was absolutely ridiculous, especially when my mother died in childbirth.
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That is horrible. I am sorry.
I literally just laughed out loud. My son came running into the room asking what was so funny and all I could say was, “Stay outta grown people’s business!”
There is a lot of disgusting stuff that goes on during childbirth. That’s just an appetizer for things to come, because BABIES are leaky, smelly, disgusting creatures.
They clean up good, though.
Whatever happens BEFORE the kid pops out, though, just fades away as soon as you meet this new little person the two of you created. Especially with the first one, you are so completely overwhelmed with a love that you swear nobody on earth has ever experienced. And when you hold that tiny little person in your arms, and you feel the warmth, and you look into his or her face, you see a miracle. The past, the present moment, and the absolute terror of the future.
The mother ESPECIALLY must experience all those emotions–otherwise, there would only be one child per family.
The awe, the wonder, the fear, the magic. It’s indescribable, really.
~VOW
My Mum had 3 kids in the 70s (in Australia) and she recalls that it was only the 3rd birth at which my Dad was allowed in the room (1978), and that she thinks my Dad has always had a special connection with my sister because of this.
My partner was in the room for the birth of our first child, but to mutual agreement he stayed at the head end of the business holding my hand, so didn’t see anything that I couldn’t see. To be honest, my Mum who was also in the room was more help to me, but it was a really special moment and I know he is as keen to be in the room for number 2 when it shows up in a few weeks.
In some respects, a delivery is like an operation. Would you want to be in the room when your spouse has a major operation?
I’m a man, I’m a physician who delivered babies for nearly a decade, and I think it’s a good idea if the mom (and dad) are willing.
It’s not right for every couple, but overall I think it’s a positive for over 90% of them.
6 hours before my last kid was born, I delivered a baby for a patient. I got home from that at 2:30 AM, just in time to have the Mrs. inform me it was time to go to Mr. Hospital again. I nearly had to deliver my own kid because her doc was a bit slow in changing clothes, but I was glad I got to be the spectator/coach rather than the doctor.
We’re not talking cardiac bypass grafting here, we’re talking about a process which for millenia was done in homes, fields, and caves. Sure, it’s nice (and lifesaving) to have an OR backup ready in case things go wrong, but usually they don’t.
My first child was born in 1978 in Australia, and it seemed then to be already accepted for fathers to be present in the labour ward – though I don’t know how that had been so.
I was there for all three, and I still find unmysterious vagina can be (gasp) sexually appealing! Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, and all that.
It is so common nowadays for the dad to be in the room, that if you don’t do it, you’ll have the Doc, the head nurse, the intern, the clerk, the junior nurse, the janitor, the elevator repairman and about eleven additional nurses dropping by to let you know that “you can go in and participate, y’know?”
I have had two kids, and let me tell you, if my husband had opted out of being there for the first, there would not have been a second.
Women get the short end of the baby stick, the very least the father can do is be there to support her. He is not required to be elbows deep in afterbirth, he doesn’t even need to look at that end, but he does have to be there when she wants/needs it.
A relationship is all about partnership and support. Giving birth is a very demanding time in a womans life, and I can’t imagine not having my partner, the person I chose to spend my life with, right next to me.
Not that it matters, but any reason for “husband” instead of “father”? The two categories aren’t exactly perfectly overlapping anymore.
Yeah, I think pregnancy should cure any lingering need to be not-gross in front of your partner. I think it’s a very good thing for the husband to be right there, although, actually, mine hasn’t been for either of my deliveries and won’t be in the room for my next one, for a very good reason- they’re all surgical, and surgery makes him pass out. So we have a very, very good friend who’s held me for my two previous epidurals and got to hold the babies first, and she’ll do it again in February. Mr. Lissar gets to hold the kids second. I’m probably third.
So, generally, yeah, husband in the delivery room, but YMMV for decent reasons.
Seriously, during my first attempt at normal delivery, when the midwife was about to put the IV in all three of the women it the room (me, friend, midwife) turned to Mr. Lissar to assess his fainting-potential before sticking me. We decided he didn’t look good and should lie down.
Also, Manda, congrats! How’s the new-baby life going?
No, no particular reason. Just didn’t put much thought into it.
How much thought have you given to the actual substance of your question?
Frankly I feel any long term, cohabiting relationship (which covers the vast majority of parents, married or not) involves a considerable loss of “mystique”. Your partner sees you when you’re sick, grumpy, tired, sees the unholy mess you live in, the number of times you snooze the alarm before getting up and a million other imperfections. Anything else is kind of false and not really a good basis for an honest relationship IMO. Add pregnancy to that and the prospective father witnesses months of daily vomiting, mood swings, stretch marks, water retention, waddling, extreme tiredness, sore feet, sore breasts, backache, urinating every five minutes, false labour - and he only has to witness it, not actually go through it. By the time the couple get to the delivery room, I doubt there’s much mystique going on for most couples.
And then there’s the consideration that not everything always goes smoothly, as has been illustrated by other posters. Childbirth can be painful and frightening and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to want her partner and the father of the child to be there to support her and share the experience, fear and all. And as for the vagina - you don’t have to see it, you can stay at the head. Mothers don’t get a huge range of choices about pushing the baby out of it, and I doubt many are very keen for their partner to see it as a sexy place for a good few months after the birth anyway.
LOL, you are lucky she did have a sense of humor. I guess my nurse didn’t. My husband jokingly asked her to put in an extra stitch when she stitched up my episiotomy, and got glared at.
I think it’s very much a good thing that it’s normal and allowed by all hospitals, but don’t think I will want him there when I’m doing it myself. I like to be left alone as much as possible when I am uncomfortable/in pain.
If you really genuinely think it would hurt your relationship, then of course you probably shouldn’t.
But if you are really hung up on the “my wife’s vagina is a sacred mystical object, and seeing it do non-sexy things would make it so I wouldn’t want to have sex with her” and you are old enough to be having that kind of relationship, then I would strongly suggest some kind of counseling. That attitude, held to that degree, points to some deep-rooted issues that go a lot deeper than just sex and will no doubt come up again in your relationship. It suggests to me a difficulty in forming mature relationships based on mutual respect, and some really odd ideas about women.
I voted, but haven’t read all the replies.
I was there for my kids.
- Planned Cesarean. (Hmm, that’s how Firefox wants to spell it.)
- Natural birth but induced due to complications.
I wouldn’t have traded anything in the world for experiencing the birth of my children. It’s scary, miraculous, wonderful, intriguing, life-changing, educational, exhilarating and amazing. Possibly astounding too.
Why the hell wouldn’t it be a good idea? When else do you get to experience the beginning of life for another human being?