Cool. I’ve got a list to go add to my queue at Netflix. Keep 'em coming!
I have seen a few of these–The Bad Seed, and I did find it to be hilariously atrocious. I vaguely recall reading the book and liking it better. Of course, isn’t that how it usually works? And I saw Zoolander–it was okay. Not bad enough to be really funny, and, well, not good enough to be really funny.
My gf and I had a great time MSTing The Day After Tomorrow. Especially gratifying was the end where it was revealed that Australia got through the cataclysm unscathed.
“The gun is good, the penis is bad!”
That was one screwed up movie. Of course, I can’t list all the movies I’ve seen, because I’ve seen a LOT. It’s a hobby of mine. And, thanks to the fact I have to work Saturday evenings and use that time as a means of taking advantage of the cable I don’t have, the Sci-Fi channel has a SLEW of terrible movies to watch. Some of my favorites:
Shark Attack 3. The second one was funny enough, what with sharks growling underwater, and the random National Geographic shots used because they couldn’t afford to film any original footage themselves, but this one took it even farther. You’d watch the shark closing in on a victim, the victim screaming, then it would cut to footage of a shark eating a huge chunk of meat not resembling a human in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER!!! The best, though, is at the end, when they kill the big shark, only to have its mother show up. Its mother being able to jump up and swallow an entire small sailboat in one bite…which it does TWICE in some of the worst editing of stock footage and bath tub models I’ve ever seen.
Boa vs Pithon. As if low budget giant snake movies weren’t bad enough on their own, someone decided to combine two of them. I can’t remember if they got Robert England in on this one as well, but I do know the most horrifying aspect of it is that it’s selling for $24.95 at Best Buy. About $24 than I’d give for it.
Centipede. A bunch of teens spelunking in an unexplored cave go farther down than anyone else has and come across a giant centipede. Yeah, that’s pretty much all I can say there.
Demon Beast School Four words: Live Action Tentacle Porn. Goofy looking “interior cam” shots of fake penises thrusting, and garden hoses covered in KY groping young Japanese girls. Truly, a sight to behold (especially if you’re looking for an excuse to gouge your eyes out).
Krull.
Nah I don’t have to say anything else.
That reminds me - Kull the Conqueror
I’m in full agreement on the ridiculousness of LifeForce but I have to say, I saw it as a teenager so I very much enjoyed our lady of perpetual nudity. (even if she was a freak)
*Night of the Comet * turned into a gigglefest for my friends and I, yet I watched it about 4 times.
And how could I ever forget my personal favorite horrible movie I spit on Your Grave I was utterly dumbfounded after sitting through that heap of steaming dogshit. It was so low budget there wasn’t even a soundtrack.
Oh my god, how I love to hate that flick.
As the one who first mentioned the hot naked space vampire, I believe it is my civic duty to link to some pictures of the lady (very work safe, IMDB photogallery. You want to find naked pictures look for them yourself). Remember when you are looking at the pictures, they were taken 20 years after the film was made.
It should also be mentioned that this movie had a very cheesy Patrick Stewart before he became Capt Pickard.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
“God made him simple. Science made him a god. Now, he wants revenge.” I just want my money back.
Eh, Lifeforce is fun to watch and I own it on DVD, but, yeah, it is campy in the extreme, especially Steve Railsback’s overacting. I wish there had been more of the naked male vampires, alas.
For me the acme (or the nadir) of hysterically awful movies is The Apple (1980). Set in the far future year 1994, The Apple is a glitter-bedecked camp-o-rama filled with bad acting, incomprehensible plot twists, cheesy songs, and clumsy religious allegory; I LOVE this movie! Despite its stunning awfulness, this movie is compulsively watchable over and over and over, mostly in awe that any of the actors in it ever got work again.
This one will have you howling: Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn
A terribly acted rip-off of the Mad Max movies. The big chase through the desert on dune buggies is one sequence spliced over and over. The bad guys roar down a slope, through a gully, over a hump… repeat and repeat and repeat.
Horrifically, brain-shatteringly, deliciously stupid in its every aspect, this movie answers the question, “Why aren’t there more movie fight scenes involving gymnastic equipment?”
Kurt Thomas, 1984 Olympic gold medallist in men’s gymnastics and winner of the pretigious “What The Hell Were They Smoking When They Came Up With This Idea, And Where Do I Get Some” award of 1985, stars as God only knows who, secret master of a martial art which makes him unbeatable, providing there happens to be a near-by flagpole or pommel horse from which he can counter his attackers with a triple Salchow Death Strike to the spleen. I seem to remember one scene where the hero and heroine are fleeing the evil attackers and, with no transition or explanation, are suddenly white-water rafting.
I have often wanted to watch the thing again to see if memory fails me, but was always distracted by a mosquito bite that needed scratching until it bleeds or something of equal importance.
But every moment is packed with the excitement of a Three Stooges “Pick any two fingers” fight scene, Kurt Thomas sizzles with the charisma of Sonny Liston, and the whole movie is like getting kicked in the nuts by Busby Berkely - a whole lot of style, effort and choreography went into making this as stupid as possible.
Don’t fail to miss it!
Regards,
Shodan
I’d have to go with “The Ten Commandments” (1956). Let me say that I don’t think a hysterically awful movie should be a bad movie; if it’s too bad, you’re in too much pain watching it for it to be hysterical. T10C is not a bad movie overall, and in some ways it’s surprisingly effective. But the casting and the dialog is just completely off the wall.
So it is written, so it shall be done!
Buford’s Beach Bunnies, starring Jim Hanks (Tom’s lesser-known brother) as a 30-something whose dad offers a hundred grand to the first woman who can get him over his long-held fear of sex.
Tommy looks like a Merchant-Ivory production compared to the other movie Ken Russell directed with Roger Daltrey in the lead role…Lisztomania. If you’ve never heard of this movie, well, there’s a reason for that.
Batman and Robin is undoubtedly the worst movie I actually paid money to see in a theater. I did get some entertainment out of a running mental MiSTing, e.g.:
For the scene of Batman and Robin arguing over Poison Ivy:
“Oh, you boys aren’t fooling anyone – now kiss and make up!”
My friends and I actually celebrate a holiday called Cheese Day, the point of which is to celebrate “cheese and all things cheesy”. The main event is the Cheese Day Movie. This year was Cheese Day X (ten, pronounced “ECKS”) so we watched… Xanadu. Music by Olivia Newton-John and Jeff Lynne, performed by Electric Light Orchestra.
SEE Olivia Newton-John roller skate in legwarmers while trailing awful CGI neon effects!
SEE Gene Kelly hauled out of storage, dusted off, and forced to sing and dance for one last paycheck!
SEE a 1940’s swing band and a 1980’s hair/synth “rock” band playing backup for a dance battle (a la West Side Story) over who’s cooler, and then THRILL as the two bands finally merge into some crazy kind of… Electric Light Orchestra!
SEE a romantic moment morph – for no good reason – into a Don Bluth animated short!
HEAR Olivia Newton-John and the Electric Light Orchestra whoring mediocre 80’s singles in utterly incomprehensible filler musical numbers!!
WITNESS the film once billed as “The Greatest Musical Fantasy Ever!”
I urge you to avoid this film.
I am the only person who suffered through Tourist Trap with Chuck Conners? Whoooo boy! It’s like … well, I don’t know exactly how to describe it, except that it must be seen to be believed. Hm, I wonder if Netflix has it.
And then of course there’s Soultaker which MST3K did fairly well.
Listen to Me (1989): It stars Kirk Cameron as an Oklahoma chicken farmer’s son (he states this more than once in the film) who goes to college on a debate scholarship. The debate team at this school is coached by Roy Scheider, and the whole school treats debate like it’s football, turning out *en masse * for tournaments, etc. The star debater (who is supposed to be a Kennedy equivalent) gets to melodramatically state in an argument with the coach, “I guess I just don’t love debate like you do!” or something like that. The team ends up in the national debate finals, which of course means they get to argue about abortion in front of the Supreme Court. Yes, the actual Supreme Court. They have lots of free time to judge debate tournaments, you see. Few movies are more unbelieveably ridiculous than this one. Rent it twice!
I can’t believe no one has mentioned Manos, Hands of Fate yet. Bad script. Bad directing. Bad cinematography. Bad sets. Bad acting. Bad, bad, bad, bad. Worse than Plan Nine, imho.
That probably had something to do with the movie being filmed before they had a finished script.