At our local zoo, there are several peacocks that have free range over the park. There’s nothing quite like having a peacock steal your fries right off the table. They’re pretty, but mean.
And I’ve had a fear of Muscovy ducks (which are even meaner than peacocks) ever since I was about four or five years old and at a riverside cafe–the duck landed on the table right in front of me and took my toast.
Seagulls. Rats with wings.
I am a Jungle Fowl, roaming free about the grounds of the San Diego Zoo.
That hamburger is clearly more than you need to eat. I will bite parts of it off as you are eating it.
I do not fear you. I do not lowerr myself to beg, or even to ask. We jungle fowl jump up on your table and take what we want from your hand. If need be, we will take it from your mouth.
What are you gonna do about it?
The only birds pushier than the jungle chickens at the SD Zoo were the hand-fed birds belonging to a woman I dated briefly:
That looks good. I want some. I will fly onto your head, grab hold of your forelocks, hang down over your face, and pluck what I want from your mouth.
Yum! Let’s have some more!
Is it wrong that I’ve been reading this entire thread in Agent Smith’s voice?
Mister Chickadee…
This is why I will start a “Hire Celebrities to do Odd Sh*t” slush fund if I ever win the lottery. Because a recording of Agent Smith reading the OP would be hilarious.
Would a hawk EAT a french fry? I was under the impression they were strictly carnivorous.
Assuming he would, how many fries would we need to feed a given hawk before he’d turn down a tasty dove?
Is it really right to clog the hawk’s arteries up on a regular basis, just so Mom and the kids won’t freak out during the parade at Disneyland?
He will if you staple it to a dove. . .
Miss Chickadee.
Master Wang-Ka, perhaps the hawk would prefer a nice juicy hamburger?
Genghis Bob, you are a bad man. You are a threat to all flying creatures. I have given orders to my minions that you are to be pecked to death on sight.
ROTFL! 
He won’t if he’s doing low carb.
At work we have Stubby. Stubby is your normal pigeon, sans feet. Stubby is spoilt rotten. More than once, while eating lunch and basking in the sun, has Stubby hopped up on the ledge alongside of me and did that ever-so-cute head bob thing that birds do. Then he would stump along on his little stub legs. I have to give him some of my lunch.
Suffice it to say, Stubby is the size of a cat. Huge. Gargantuan. Twice the size of all other pigeons.
Here, at home, we have Donald and Drusilla, our mallards. If the storm door is open, they will walk up to the screen door and knock. Freaks the cats out. Last night we gave them some apple scraps. They didn’t like apple scraps. They did quite like tortilla chips, though. Wonder if they’d like salsa also?
Birds can be pretty aggressive, but the squirrels in Stanley Park in Vancouver will knock you down and go through your pockets.
Squirrel 1: “Hey! Twenty dollars! Let’s hit the snack stand!”
Squirrel 2: “To hell with that! I got a credit card! I hear in Fiji they have nuts bigger than this guys head!”
Both: “Woohoo!”
Exeunt in the direction of the airport.
The squirrels here at FSU campus have their own union, there’s so many of the buggers around! Don’t fall asleep on the lawn, or you might wake up squirrel chow!
Squirrels don’t need to mug you, though. They have alternate ways of making a living. 
Did you know that they can catch stuff in midair if you throw it to them. This is great fun until you realize that you are suddenly in the midst of a great shrieking Hitchcocking cloud of them.
Once I was attending a conference meeting and one of the other attendees made the mistake of taking a piece of bread out to a seagull that was stand around on the lawn next to the conference room. It then proceeded to stand next to the big glass doors and stare at us for the remainder of the meeting. If our attention happened to stray back to the work at hand for a few minutes it would knock on the glass.
I am a California gull. Have you been enjoying your scenic drive? I see you’ve decided to park here at the cliff to admire the ocean view while you eat your sandwich.
Give me some. Yes, I know I can drag the remains out of the trash on my own and strew them to the winds. I don’t feel like that now. Roll down your window and give me some.
Okay, fine. I will stand on the hood of your car and watch you eat. Baleful stare, no?
What do you mean, I’m blocking your view? I AM the view. I’m wildlife, dammit.
KFC-stuffed wildlife, but still…
Are you going to eat that tomato?
I was at the Omaho Zoo, in the petting zoo area. Little girl in there holding a bag of popcorn. Cute goat comes trotting up, she reaches over to pet it. Goat’s head goes past her hand and sinks it’s teeth into the bottom of the popcorn bag in the other hand, neatly ripping it open. Goat calmly proceeds to eat fallen popcorn while little girl cries.
Actually, the danger posed by squirrels isn’t mugging. It’s hoarding.
Squirrels? Hoarding? However could that be a problem?
I always heard that seagulls were rats with wings and sparrows were mice with wings.
At least you don’t have the car eating type birdies.
a quick look for non-link likers.
KEA Nestor notabilis
Size: 46-48cm.
Status: Common.
Range: South Island high country from Marlborough and Nelson to Fiordland. Straying to coastal areas.
Habitat: Native forest and the sub-alpine and alpine zones.
Food: Leaves, buds, fruits, insects and carrion.
Voice: A penetrating and drawn out “keaa” and a variety of softer calls.
Breeding: July-January. Two to four white eggs.
General: Has been persecuted as a sheep killer but there is some doubt as to the extent it attacks healthy animals. A very cheeky bird, this mountain parrot is quite capable of doing damage to your car by pecking all the rubber from around the windows and pulling off windscreen wipers—not to mention what it might do to what you have on your roof rack! Partially protected (may be hunted or killed by an occupier of land only when causing damage on that land).
Here at ASU it’s mostly pigeons & sparrows, but the grackles and cactus wrens can get pretty agressive too.
