Here in Boston I constantly see parents letting their toddlers handfeed Canadian Geese on the Esplanade. Generally, the goose is as large as if not larger than the child. What do these parents think is gonna happen when the food runs out? This strikes me as amazingly stupid.
Pigeons, too, are rats with wings. It drives me nuts to go to South Station, which always has several of 'em running around quite boldly near the food stalls. I understand the difficulties entailed in keeping something winged out of a building, but can’t they at least try to eliminate them, since they are disgustingly unsanitary?
In Faces of Death I, Harry is outside the car feeding a bear while wifey videotapes the event. Harry has a loaf of bread, and something equal in synaptic value for a brain.
*Harry: “Well, it looks like I’m almost out of bread.”
Fear Me! Fear my piercing cries that bring my family. Yeah, they’re hiding, er, gathering in that bush over there! I’ll screech again - are your ears bleeding?
Fear Me!! I wave my corkscrew leg in your face and poop in your general direction!
HAhahahaha!! I’ve cleverly excaped your clutches and…hey, what’s this on my leg??? I don’t need no stinkin’ Federal accoutrements to enhance my natural cuteness!
We are guinea fowl. Pearl gray and white guinea fowl. Our wattles are supremely red. Our naked white wrinkly heads bear mighty knobs. Fear us.
Our eyes are beady and glittering. Our voices shatter glass and eardrums when we become enraged. We become enraged with little provocation. Fear us.
We roam the barnyard of the horsefarm that is our home, pecking where we will and chasing vehicles that dare to invade our territory. We attack en masse any barncat foolish enough to think to bring one of us down. The barn cats fear us.
We sneer at your proffered bribe of french fries. We hunger for the crunch and blood of ticks. If ticks had a brain, they would fear us.
Stand still and await our approach. Stand still as we surround you. Stand still as we peck at your feet, your ankles, your toes. Stand still until we are satisfied that there are no ticks on you. Fear us.
Heck, now I’m tempted to get some guinea fowl! How do they do indoors? I don’t have ticks indoors, but I do have a small but varied collection of insects inside, and if I can avoid doing the bugbomb thing, that would be good.
One of our cats fears everything, and can frequently be found under his mom’s bed, peering out at the world. The other cat fears nothing, and wishes to escape to the outside world to begin her journey of World Domination. The fearless cat is QUITE fond of all sorts of poultry.
I have been chomped upon by many a Canada (not Canadian) goose and I can tell you there is nothing to fear. Their chomp feels like two pieces of lightweight plastic coming together. No pain at all.
The ones you have to watch out for are the big domesticated white geese. They draw blood!
Lynn, if you get a guinea fowl and keep it indoors, you can kiss sleep bye-bye. They are incredibly loud birds and are apparently sometimes used for security alerts on farms in Africa: http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/poultry/other/guineafowl/ . One somehow got loose in my neighborhood a couple years ago and the humane society spent months trying to catch it for relocation. Beautiful bird, but as I said, very loud.
The birds at Disney World are so aggressive. I was staying at one of the Disney resorts (Coronado Springs) for a conference and it was unbelievable. Ibis, ducks, grackles, etc. would surround you as soon as you sat outside with some food. A guy sitting next to me on one of the benches got shat upon by one of the birds when he ran out of potato chips.
