Being an eternal fountain of knowledge does not make you infallible in the ways of typing.
That’s lesson number one.
prettyprettyprettyprettyprettypretty please will a mod fix my title? It’s hard to be an everlasting fountain of knowledge and have to worry about mundane things such as typing
Dear Fountain of Knowledge,
Right now, I am bored with my color choices in the living room, I would like something different. What colors should I choose. I am looking for something that says sit and rest a spell but get the hell out of my home after two hours.
I heartily recommend painting the walls different colors. On one wall, when your company comes over and you wish to be warm and inviting, have a nice painting on the wall, maybe a reproduction of a famous artwork like Van Gogh’s Starry Night. The color I would recommend for such an occasion is a nice, neutral tone, perhaps even a brown.
When you want your company to leave, you sidle over so you’re sitting/standing in front of the other wall, which has a frescoe depicting an Aztec warrior beheading kittens. Make sure you use the flaming skull border to finish the wall. You don’t want to make the mistake of not making this wall “not busy enough”. Remember, changing the topic is always good. The faster they’re out of the house, the faster you can walk around your own home naked. Just make sure your junk doesn’t bump into all the kitchen countertops. If you make food there, wipe it down unless you want your brine in your food (you cannibal).
Lunch? The Wise One just ate 5 peanut butter and jelly sammitches, but if he could be picky, he’d go seafood. I suggest you do the same. I also suggest you send some over here as well.
I have spoken.
Aztec warrior frescoes are highly underrated in their artistic and make-uncomfortability. Feel free to substitute skull borders with headless baby harp seals. Perhaps that’s more to your liking, you sadist.
There is a difference between salt brine and ball sweat.
Personally, I find that ball sweat makes for better Thanksgiving turkeys, especially when that bothersome relative takes a bite.
Have they been washed? Have they been misplaced? Is their black or blue brother misplaced as well?
Are we speaking of the socks that the sock monster pilfers? If so, I have a friend that is rather close to the CEO of Sock Monster and Affiliates. If Mr. Monster is to blame, he sends his condolences, but, and I quote, “Eggs must be broken to make omlettes.” Long story short, he’s telling you to fuck off about your socks. He recommends Target as a decent place to get replacements so he can continue his trade.
Odds are, you’re speaking of the socks that you were going to put on after you got out of the shower. They’re still balled up, they just fell off the couch and got kicked under.
I have spoken.