I desperately need your help. This morning, I woke up in a bathtub full of ice with both my kidney’s missing.
Should I go to the hospital? And more important, can I have a couple of beers before I go, since hospitals make me nervous.
Ahem. I don’t want to get all legalistic and all that, but I would appreciate a disclaimer that the Terrible Advice Fairy is not associated with FairyChatMom, FairyChatMoose, or FairyChatEnterprises[sup]TM[/sup]. After all, I have a reputation to maintain. Let’s just keep this friendly, OK?
Disclaimer: The Terrible Advice Fairy is not connected in any way with any other Doper with “Fairy” in her/his name. Following the Terrible Advice Fairy’s advice could be hazardous to your health or financially ruinous.
If you really want to get yourself all hot and bothered, I can’t think of anything sexier than having your man dress up as Michael Jackson, including a Michael Jackson mask. That Diana Ross-cum-Tin Man face will melt any girl’s heart. For the full effect, dress yourself up as Macaulay Culkin.
Well, DUH! Remember, you can always re-enroll in school. But you’ll never have the chance again to see if Evan picks Zora or Sarah. School will be there next year; Paul the Butler comes but once in a lifetime.
Yes, you should go to the hospital. Quaff a few beers first. However, when you drive to the hospital, don’t flash your lights at any car you see with its lights off - street gangs initiate new members by having them kill people who flash their lights! And don’t call an ambulance with a payphone; they put AIDS-infected needles in the coin return slots you know.
Absolutely. Remember, all bosses like getting frank, honest feedback about their personal shortcomings. If you tell your boss she is an idiot I assure you she will put lots of effort into correcting her shortcomings. The more frank you are the better she’ll like it. In fact, dress it up a little. Tell her that she’s an idiot, that she has terrible body odor, and that she was adopted because her real parents hated her. Promotions and bonuses will soon be yours!
Where can I register complaints re: Ask the Terrible Advice Fairy? I followed your instructions and had McDonald’s for lunch. It wasn’t very terrible, only slightly. My fries were hot and they actually got my order right! (Special order, ketchup only) Not only that, but I was not subjected to an extensive wait or rude behavior by the employees. I think I would have been worse off at Taco Bell.
I fear the quality of your terrible advice is declining.
Disclaimer: The Terrible Advice Fairy’s advice is intentionally terrible and meant in jest. If you follow the Terrible Advice Fairy’s advice you will end up dead, in prison, or living in a cardboard box eating garbage in the cold. Also, the Terrible Advice Fairy will not always answer all questions, since some of them are too damned strange to figure out a coherent and terrible answer for.
That’s very noble work, but yes, it can be very stressful. I think what you need is something to take your mind off your job, something to help you relax… and what’s better for that than a little ROMANCE? Look around you! Plenty of impressionable young minds and bodies ready to be initiated into the world of love. Start an affair with a student; it’s sure to be relaxing and long as nobody finds out about it!
Well, I could tell you, but why not just show you the very best, as an example to follow?
I’m unemployed. I really should be looking for a job, but the thing is, I don’t want to. I’d rather sit around all day playing War of the Monsters on Playstation, surfing the SDMB, and drinking enormous quantities of beer.
My question is, should I wait until after 5 PM before getting into the bourbon?
Sometimes, due to circumstances beyond my control, I get an erection in the middle of the day while at work. I’m hardly in a postion to do anything about it. It won’t go away and it stings. What am I to do?
My boyfriend has a friend that is really cute and as asked me to have sex with him. He is a real asshole but I think I will have a good time if I do it with him, should I go for it or stay faitfull to my boyfriend?